One bad egg makes a bad omelette

The following day passed with as much boredom and mundanity as those before it, and just as it did every day, club time rolled around once more. Only this time, there was a new and not entirely welcome addition to the room.

“Pep, what the hell is that?” I asked the miscreant who was sat in front of me.

“It’s a computer!”

“Okay, perhaps I should rephrase. Why is there a bloody PC right where my chess board is normally set up?”

Yes, somehow in the one day since we discussed it, she had somehow not only procured a computer but also moved it into the club room and set it up, the monitor sat exactly where my chess board usually was.

“She demanded my help carrying the wretched thing. To be perfectly honest I have no idea why I agreed.” That exasperated declaration came from Sai, to whom I had yet to pay any attention.

“It’s because you looooove me,” Pep said in an almost comically playful tone.

“Ah- I… said nothing of the sort…” the usually composed girl looked down and muttered, her cheeks noticeably going red. What a simpleton, acting so stoic all the time just to crumble at a nice word from a pretty girl.

“So you’re actually serious about this whole ‘chess streaming’ rubbish? And you’re gonna do it here in the club?” I asked, taking the board and pieces from the desk in the corner they had been so haphazardly thrown upon.

“Of course! How else am I supposed to show you two how much fun it is?”

“Right. Good luck with that, I guess.” I rolled my eyes and dropped the chess board down on the unoccupied side of the table, switching my attention from Pep to Sai. “Want a game while she’s… doing whatever the hell she’s trying to do?”

“I see no reason why not. I’ve yet to pay you back for my prior defeats.” Though she tried to say it flatly, there was an undeniable wounded pride in her voice. She had still yet to beat me once since our first match, though she was improving.

She won the coinflip and started as white, opening with e4 to which I responded with c5. The rest of the opening we played out quickly, transposing to the Sicillian Dragon variation, Yugoslav attack to be specific. It was a theory heavy line, which was rarely to my preference, but it had some excellent chances for aggression from black.

“So… where exactly did you get a computer within the last twenty four hours?” I asked, developing my knight to c6 and continuing to play the natural line.

“I got it from the computer club, duh. How else would I get one?” Pep replied, tapping away at the keyboard.

“Ugh. I was hoping you wouldn’t say that.” That was one group of people I had hoped to expunge from my memory.

“Hmm? Do I sense disdain? Or rather, more disdain than usual?” asked Sai, playing the natural continuation bishop-to-c4.

“The leader of that club is someone I have a… less than cordial history with, let’s put it that way,” I replied, begrudgingly castling kingside for once.

“And you would paint the whole club with the same brush, merely for being led by someone for whom you have a distaste?” Kingside castle from her too.

“Hey, one bad egg can make a bad omelette, okay?”

“By that logic, this club is social food poisoning.”

“I won’t argue with that.”

“You certainly should, though I can’t say I’m surprised you’re not.”

I played the admittedly suboptimal pawn-to-e5 in an attempt to open the position, earning a raised eyebrow from Sai. Though claiming the centre was generally a founding principle of theory, it did little for me here and also blocked off my fianchettoed bishop. When Sai moved her attacked knight to b5, protecting the only square under threat, it was almost certain that I was at a positional disadvantage. But I also knew there was no way she’d know such a pointless and suboptimal line, so I was hardly worried.

“How exactly did you get a free computer off them, by the way? They hardly seem the ‘giving’ type,” I asked, retreating my knight to defend the d6 pawn, to which Sai replied with the obvious knight-d5.

“Oh, it was easy,” Pep replied cheerfully, “I just told them that the chess club will owe them a favour in return, the club leader accepted immediately!”

“You what?!” I responded, knocking over the bishop I had just moved to e6. “You told her that I would do her a favour?!”

“Teeeeechnically I said the club would, I didn’t say anything about you specifically, Kabucchi.”

“Oh, come on, you know what she’s like. The only possible reason bitchqueen would accept that deal is to use it as an excuse to get at me. She’s evil.”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Kabucchi, Ran-chan’s not that bad.”

“The last time I saw her she called me ‘shitwhistle’ and it was still somehow the most pleasant conversation she and I have ever had.”

“Sounds to me as if this ‘bitchqueen’ made quite the astute observation,” interjected Sai, retreating her bishop to b3

“Oi, don’t you join in too, you prat.”

“Would that I could, though I am unfortunately a tad out of the loop. To whom do you refer?” Sai asked, to which I let out a sigh and a grumble.

“Friend of Pep’s, and one with a particular penchant for berating and belittling me at that,” I replied, playing pawn a6 to kick the knight. An aggressive player would have responded by attacking my queen with bishop b6, but the ever passive Sai chose to retreat her knight to c3, allowing me to plant my own knight on the aggressive d4 square. She was still slightly better off, but it was close enough to even.

“Well, if she has such distaste for you, I can at least assume her to be a good judge of character if nothing else. Though, Peppi, I must ask. If you and she are such good friends, how have I yet to hear of her? You and I have spent quite the bit of time together since my transfer here.”

“Oh, that’s simple! The author wrote her in on chapter 6 and then forgot about her. Didn’t remember she existed until re-reading volume 1.”

“I see. The lack of competence and skill in writing is causing issues as per usual. How trite.”

In truth, it would have been convenient for me if she had remained forgotten. What a royal pain in the arse that girl was. When I suggested learning sign language to Pep all the back in primary, I told her it was so we could have a secret language that adults couldn’t understand, but in reality I just wanted to exclude the bitchqueen. To say she and I don’t see eye-to-eye would be an understatement.

Mainly because she’s short.

And I hate looking at her.

“You’re thinking something cruel and petty, aren’t you?” Asked Sai, as I realised I had been angrily staring off into space instead of playing the game.

“Everything I think is cruel and petty, you don’t get points for that.”

“Every bingo sheet has a free space, does it not?”

“Yes, and yours would be ‘acts condescending despite being wrong.”

“The man who’s entire personality type is narcissism thinly veiled as misanthropy dares to call me condescending? Is hypocrisy simply your lifeblood?”

“As much as cowardice is yours.”

Once again, our chess match had broken down into verbal sparring instead, though this time we were very quickly cut off by an outside disturbance.

“Shhh, you two, save it for later! Be quiet for a sec!” Pep said, somewhat excitedly.

“Quiet? Why’d you need us quiet?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m just about to go live!”