Eligibility checklist

In her makeshift studio in one of the hotel's conference rooms, Kisha continued her show. "Welcome back! Now before we continue with more DSPCMs, I wanna first give some spotlight to some of the music everyone's been listening to. Seems most of the teams have an affinity for folk songs from their home nations, and thanks to my investigating, I managed to get the facts down," she stated as she motioned towards the screen as images of the Bosnian teams appeared on it.

"First up, Bosnia and Herzegovina. In case it wasn't obvious, they can't get enough of Bosanska Artiljerija. Heck, some of the players even got Artiljerija as their surname. Now I get why they're always leaping in the air and shouting ARTILJERIJA, Bosanac sam Bekrija! Ahaha, guess I got a bit carried away."

The screen then displayed images of the Croatian teams.

"Since we're in the neighborhood, lets do Croatia next. Especially after Vlatka proved that Naranča is their favorite song to sing and dance to. I can see why, it really makes you feel badass, especially with the electric guitars."

The screen then changed to show images of the Serbian teams.

"While it isn't everyone's favorite, the majority of the folks here say Oj, Ružice Rumena is their favorite song. This one's much sadder compared to the two upbeat songs we heard, but not everyone's favorite songs are upbeat ones."

The next team to appear was Bulgaria, with Kisha unable to resist rocking out to the beat.

"Пустоно Лудо и Младо (Pustono Ludo i Mlado) just makes me wanna go full Sukeban and smack some heads in, it goes that hard. Ahem, moving on."

The images of the Simien teams appeared as Kisha got up to begin dancing.

"We all know Mayim Mayim, especially thanks to the Bermuda party. But I hear that while it is the favorite song of most, Hava Nagila's a close second. As for who's favorite is who's, Maccabee, Noa, Benny, and Golda prefer Mayim Mayim, while the rest say Hava Nagila's their favorite."

Kisha put on a cowgirl hat as images of the American teams appeared on screen.

"If it hadn't been for Cotton Eye Joe, I'd have no idea what the Americans liked. Where did he come from, where did he go? All I know is he's Cotton Eye Joe! Ahahaha. My English ain't bad, huh? Nor's my dancing... Moving on."

Kisha took off the cowgirl hat and began doing the Can Can as images of the French teams appeared on screen.

"Whoo! I could have been a Radio City Rockette if I was born in New York. Really getting your fill of my dance moves huh? Though... Huff... Sorry, gotta sit down. Just kidding!" Kisha grinned as she began doing a Russian dance.

And in theme, the images of the Russian team appeared on screen.

"Now most of the Russians agree this catchy mix of Kalinka and Korobeiniki is their favorite song. It's mostly Korobeiniki, but it makes sense cuz everyone worldwide knows it thanks to Tetris. The only holdout is Rasputin, who, you guessed it, can't get enough of a Russian language remix of Boney M's hit, Rasputin. OK, enough of the dancing. For real this time."

However, Kisha didn't sit back down just yet as images of the Prussian team appeared on screen.

"And from one militaristic nation to the next, it's no surprise the Prussians all list their national anthem, Preußens Gloria, as their favorite song. I've heard a remix of the song has also been topping the Euro charts too. OK, now that this is over, I can finally sit back down in my comfy chair again."

Though the militaristic theme didn't end just yet as images of England's team appeared on screen.

"While I hear the popular song in Britain is something else, Rule Britannia is apparently the patriotic theme of England and the whole UK. Makes sense I guess. But that doesn't mean it's the favorite of all the teams from nations of the UK. England just so happens to be the only one with a majority of it's members that say it's their favorite."

Images of the Polish team appeared on screen next.

"Now Poland's our first nation to have it's players list 3 different songs as their favorite. Jadwiga's is apparently Czerwone Jagody, while the others like Lipka Zielona and W Moim Ogródecku (In My Garden)."

Next up were images of the Italian team, with Kisha deciding to get up and dance the tarantella.

"Now this song just screams Italian, which makes sense because it's a fusion of the two most well-known Italian songs out there, Tarantella Napoletana and Funiculi Funicula, funiculi funicula, funiculi, funiculaaaaa... What? I can sing and dance when I want to. My show. Now back to my comfy chair unless of course this next country's favorite song isn't dance-based."

Images of the Estonian teams then appeared, and with their favorite song being dance-based, Kisha remained standing and dancing.

"Kui mina ükskord noores eas, võtsin vana naise sure is upbeat for how morbid it is. No, I'm sadly not fluent in Estonian like Okisato the polyglot, but I managed to find the translations for this song, and WOW! No disses by the way, since it's a banger."

It was back to the comfy chair for Kisha though, as images of Hungary's team flashed on screen.

"Now Hungarian Dance No 5 might be what everyone thinks the favorite is here, especially considering we use it in the official broadcasts. But the favorite is actually an old folk song known as Nosza Hajdú. Even the often times fickle Zsa Zsa says this is one of her favorites, especially the rock remix of it. And with that-"

But before Kisha could finish, her feed suddenly cut off. "What's that for? We barely even started the show!"

"Apparently a sponsor would like to broadcast an important message," a staffer stated as she handed a piece of paper to Kisha.

Kisha's eyes widened as she read the name on the paper. "... Mifsud... Smoothie Q. Mifsud... JACKPOT! Roll whatever she's got! Oh, and does she want to do an interview?"

"As a matter of fact, I do," Mifsud's voice rang out.

Kisha turned to notice Mifsud happily strutting in. While sporting her normal attire, she now sported sunglasses and appeared to have wrapped up her head and hair completely in a headscarf.

"Trying to look inconspicuous? Sorry to say but I can spot you a mile away," Kisha smiled.

"I guess I'm just too iconic to go incognito, but there is a reason for this getup. And before you ask, just watch the video. It'll explain it all," Mifsud smirked as she sat down and crossed her legs.

Kisha went silent as the staff got Mifsud's video rolling. Mifsud then appeared on screen sitting in a salon chair with Melisha Kamaleon standing behind her.

"Hello! Smoothie Q. Mifsud here! Today, I've got a major announcement to make; I'm investing in a brand new chess league! It'll be viable both normally and underground, kind of like the Desperados, and speaking of which, any members of a preexisting league are free to swap over to mine, but only if you adhere to our simple core rule. And that rule is..."

Melisha nodded and gently tilted Mifsud's head back as she flicked on a pair of hair clippers and drove them up the middle of her hairline. Mifsud let out a playful scream, yet remained silent, smiling as all her long curly pink hair was sheared off. The foil shaver came next, and after buzzing Mifsud's head as bald as they could, took a lap around her face and forehead, shearing her eyebrows off in the process.

Then Mifsud's head and eyebrows were lathered in shaving cream. Both in the video and in the studio, Mifsud giggled as she watched herself get shaved smooth, then have her entire head and face along with her already divinely smooth legs lathered and shaved twice more.

Kisha's jaw had dropped the moment the shaving had begun, and while she would normally be giddily providing commentary, she was too shocked to see a woman like Mifsud having her head and eyebrows shaved. And the video wasn't even half over as the next phase of the makeover saw Mifsud having her head, face, and legs encased in hot wax.

Now unable to talk, Mifsud let out a muffled giggle as Melisha tilted her head back and plucked all her eyelashes out before eventually ripping all the wax off her.

"So how ya feeling?" Melisha snickered as she began smearing depilatory cream on Mifsud's head, face, and legs.

"Spicy hot," Mifsud quipped before she was forced to shut her lips as the cream was smeared over her mouth.

A minute or two later, the cream was scraped off, and Mifsud's skin was lasered before being relieved with a soothing oil massage.

"KYAAAAAAH! DIS FEELS SO GOOD!" Mifsud squealed as her face went red.

"And so will this," Melisha sneered as she gave Mifsud's now smooth and shiny bald head a mighty slap.

Mifsud was unable to control herself and let out a loud aroused moan. The video then briefly showcased her head, face, and legs being encased in beauty cream before jumping to the point where it was all peeled off.

Mifsud blushed and giggled as she rubbed her smooth head. "You know what the Q in my name stands for? It stands for Qargħi, the Maltese word for BALD! That's right, the Smooth Bald league is a go, with the only rule for joining being NO HAIR ANYWHERE allowed! And yes, this means that even the clothed areas of my body are smooth, much like my legs already were before this makeover. Now please turn your attention over to future me, who has an announcement to make. Thank you for watching, and bye-bye," she smiled as she blew a kiss to the camera.

As the video ended, Kisha turned to Mifsud, her jaw still hanging wide open.

"Yup! Breaking news; Maltese trillionaire and cutey, Smoothie Q. Mifsud just shaved her entire head and eyebrows BALD!" Mifsud smiled as she threw off her shades and headscarf to reveal her smooth bald head.

"Completely bald... eyebrows and eyelashes too," Kisha trembled.

"Sometimes a girl's just gotta shave her head bald to get shit done. Now before the interview, we must get down to business. With permission from the WWCF, an all-female bughouse tournament is to be held... TODAY!"

"Wait, WHAT!? But today's a rest day!"

"Which is why there even IS a second rest day. Guess the higher-ups embargoed it to keep the deets from leaking. So let's have a girl's night out as we chat deets and other stuff!"

Kisha blinked in confusion, but had no choice but to process and accept things quickly as the show kept on rolling. "Hey, hey! To all you just tuning in, we've got breaking news hot off the press! Trillionaire and natural beauty, Smoothie Q. Mifsud, has just gone full peak femininity and shaved her head BALD! That's not all, because she's founding a new bald-only chess league and will be funding a bughouse tournament that will be taking place..."

"Tonight at 5!" Mifsud smiled.

"That's right, this is the secret 6B tournament the WWCF apparently set aside a second rest day for. The Bs stand for Bald Bad Bitch Bondage Bullet Bughouse, meaning this is a bullet time control bughouse tournament-"

"One minute, one second increment to be precise."

"And that it's only open to women that embrace the no-hair look," Kisha stated as she gestured over to Mifsud.

"That's right, though we'll only be judging on exposed skin for this one, so no need to worry about a pussy wax, though I'd naturally recommend it if your pussy isn't already smooth," Mifsud giggled.

"Well someone's putting her preferences out there."

"I swing both ways, Kisha."

"More power to ya then. Anyway, we probably should give the spiel about the rules."

"That we shall. First off, the tournament is open only to the top 64 teams in the women's tournament. If your team wishes to participate, they must send two of it's members to the hotel salon, where if they are not already bald to standard, will be quickly shaved to it."

"Yeah, I got some word that Maestro Himitsu, who we now know was Daria Inashiki, along with her daughter and rising star, Mimoko Inoue are being shaved bald as we speak, meaning they're likely going to be the team to beat... We got footage yet?"

"Oh, ever eager for the scoop. Rest assured, cameras are running in the salon, but there will be a delay in broadcast. Though with news of such a strong team participating, I imagine many might be a tad intimidated to participate, or perhaps it's the opposite. Regardless, I must make the point that even if you are amongst the top 64 women's teams, you are not required to participate, and should you vacate your spot, the next team down from 65 onward will take your respective places. As such, registration will close at 1 PM on the dot, so make sure you're at the salon by 1. We will then depart to the venue from there momentarily once everyone's bald. And on that note, take heed that if two or more members of your team enter the salon, and your team is eligible to participate, your team will be drafted into the tournament on the spot, so if you don't want to participate, don't go near the salon until after 1. But before we reveal who's eligible to participate, allow me to showcase both what's at stake, and how the tournament will go."

A series of 8 blank tables along with a bracket and the words, "10 million euros and WWCF points!" flashed on screen.

"With these points, I hear you can gain a certain warping ability. Truly a top prize for a girl who shaved her head bald for glory. And of course, the 10 million euros too. Oh, and I'll even throw in a signed and framed bill by yours truly."

"As for the schematics of the tournament, all 64 teams will be sorted into groups of 8, where they'll play round-robin to determine who gets the top spot and advances to the finals."

"And from there, it's standard elimination, no losers finals, so no second chances if you lose there. But there will be some minor prizes for making the top 8, such as a million euros and a million WWCF points, so don't be shy about fighting for the top spot."

"And speaking of which, let's reveal the standings to see just who's eligible to participate."

The standings for the women's section flashed on screen and went as follows:

1. Japan- 16 points 8W 0D 0L

2. Norway- 16 points 8W 0D 0L

3. Belgium- 16 points 8W 0D 0L

4. Croatia- 15 points 7W 1D 0L

5. Kazakhstan- 15 points 1W 1D 0L

6. Azerbaijan- 15 points 7W 1D 0L

7. Montenegro- 15 points 1W 1D 0L

8. United States of America- 14 points 7W 0D 1L

9. German Empire of Prussia- 14 points 7W 0D 1L

10. England- 14 points 7W 0D 1L

11. Hungary- 14 points 7W 0D 1L

12. Ukraine- 14 points 1W 0D 1L

13. Russia- 14 points 7W 0D 1L

14. India- 14 points 7W 0D 1L

15. New Republic of Paeonia- 14 points 7W 0D 1L

16. Uzbekistan- 14 points 6W 2D 0L

17. Armenia- 14 points 6W 2D 0L

18. Georgia- 14 points 6W 2D 0L

19. Bulgaria- 14 points 6W 2D 0L

20. Argentina- 14 points 6W 2D 0L

21. France- 13 points 6W 1D 1L

22. Denmark- 13 points 6W 1D 1L

23. The Netherlands- 13 points 6W 1D 1L

24. Israeli Kingdom of Simien- 12 points 6W 0D 2L

25. Estonia- 12 points 6W 0D 2L

26. Vietnam- 12 points 6W 0D 2L

27. Peru- 12 points 5W 2D 1L

28. Ecuador- 12 points 5W 2D 1L

29. Brazil- 12 points 5W 2D 1L

30. Serbia- 11 points 5W 1D 2L

31. China- 11 points 5W 1D 2L

32. Czechoslovakia- 10 points 5W 0D 3L

33. Lithuania- 10 points 5W 0D 3L

34. Spain- 10 points 5W 0D 2L

35. Neo-Babylonian Empire- 10 points 4W 2D 2L

36. Neo Kingdom of Egypt- 10 points 3W 4D 1L

37. Türkiye- 9 points- 4W 1D 3L

38. Antarctica- 9 points 3W 3D 2L

39. Romania- 9 points 3W 3D 2L

40. Poland- 8 points 4W 0D 4L

41. Ethiopia- 8 points 4W 0D 4L

42. Switzerland- 8 points 3W 2D 2L

43. Greece- 8 points 3 W 2D 2L

44. Latvia- 8 points 2W 4D 2L

45. South Africa- 7 points 3W 1D 4L

46. Mexico- 7 points 3W 1D 4L

47. New Empire of Mongolia- 7 points 3W 1D 4L

48. Bosnia and Herzegovina- 7 points 3W 1D 4L

49. Ireland- 7 points 3W 1D 4L

50. Albania- 7 points 3W 1D 4L

51. Sweden- 6 points 3W 0D 5L

52. Italy- 6 points 3W 0D 5L

53. Australia- 6 points 2W 2D 4L

54. Canada- 6 points 2W 2D 4L

55. Portugal- 6 points 2W 2D 4L

56. Austria- 6 points 1W 4D 3L

57. Scotland- 5 points 2W 1D 5L

58. Åland Islands- 5 points 1W 3D 4L

59. The Philippines- 5 points 1W 3D 4L

60. Chile- 4 points 2W 0D 6L

61. Kosovo- 4 points 2W 0D 6L

62. Wales- 4 points 1W 2D 5L

63. Indonesia- 4 points 0W 4D 4L

64. Northern Ireland- 3 points 3W 0D 5L

65. Republic of Korea- 3 points 2W 1D 5L

"Even though these have been posted since this morning, it really is something to compare it to how it was two days ago. Now just 3 teams are on perfect scores, and of those three, only Japan and Norway have done so with nothing but 4-0 victories. Belgium's also been flying under the radar, but now I imagine more will take them seriously. We also can't diss teams like Croatia, Kazakhstan, Azerbaijan, and Montenegro, who despite not having perfect scores, haven't lost a match yet. Also gotta give props to Indonesia for making it in on only draws, assuming of course they accept. Oh, and you'll notice we also showed the team in 65th place. Word is Norway won't be participating, so lucky you, Korea. Although, isn't Korea's women's team composed entirely of Malasangre and it's manager? Think we might see the buck get passed, especially with the bald head requirement," Kisha frowned.

"Not a fan of the bald look, I see," Mifsud chuckled.

"Especially not on me! I once had a nightmare some dragon guy shaved me bald after beating me in a game of chess."

"Oo, how tempting. So if I beat-"

"Nope, no games for the show. That comes from the higher-ups."

"Even if I... paid?"

"I ain't shaving my head no matter how much cash is placed before me."

"A shame, but I imagine others might think differently. In fact, I'll make a little wager with you that no more than 3 or less of the top 64 teams will refuse to participate. So with a million euros and your hair on the line, you in?"

"No. Though speaking of which, if your theory is true, it means teams 66-68, which includes New Zealand, Iceland, and Moldova, would get the option to participate. Wouldn't be so nice for 69th-placed Pakistan or 70th-placed Tanzania. 71st placed Greater Federal Republic of Central America, 72nd-placed Palau, and 73rd-placed Uruguay seem like longshots though. Bet they'll all be hoping your prediction's off."

"Oh for sure. Saima even had her head shaved a few days ago, and has been rocking the beauty cream on that smooth head of hers."

"Hmm, wonder if all those girls that shaved their heads before the tournament like Muazzez knew about this ahead of time," Kisha thought before resuming the banter. "And on the topic of those teams, I wanna bring focus to the fact that New Zealand's in 66th place with just 3 points. That's pretty damn sad, but deserved since they've seemingly benched their best player for the whole tournament."

"Who is that?"

"I'm glad you asked, cuz it segways perfectly into our next segment! When we return, more DSPCMs to discuss! But don't go away, cuz as a treat, we'll show you just how bald some of these ladies are going for the 6B during the commercial break. You can thank our sponsor, Smoothie Q, for this."

"Yes, and to all the ladies that are part of the eligible teams, I hope seeing girls like Mimoko and Maestro Himitsu embracing the bald motivates you to join them and participate in the 6B tournament."

"And with that, coffee break!"