Days 248-313: Ava

“I guess as long as you’re happy, then it doesn’t matter what you’re meant for.” That’s what Leo said. It kept cycling through my mind. I tried to come up with something to argue against his stance, but I had nothing. It just made sense. If happiness is enough, then maybe I should stop chasing some grand purpose. Maybe I should just settle. I couldn’t be too greedy now, could I? But what about the things that make me unhappy? Do I let go of those? Does it belong in my life? Work, school—things I never liked, but kept doing anyway. They were useful. Necessary. Maybe that’s the tradeoff: hold on to what’s useful or what brings joy, and let go of the rest. Things like my purpose in life would have been nice to know, but there wasn’t a need for it. And if it doesn’t bring me happiness then it shouldn’t matter. Still, it made me wonder—if I never found joy in anything I did, and the future I was working for is gone, then what was the point of any of it? Maybe there wasn’t one. Maybe, my life up to this point has been meaningless. That thought had come to mind before—but where?

Oh yeah, this was what I was thinking when the world was about to end. But why don’t I feel as bad?

Memories of Leo flooded in—from the moment I made that stupid bet to everything after. Somehow, even the worst days with him felt more real, more alive, than the rest of my life put together. Maybe my life had been pointless. Still, something was unfinished. Something I had to face if I ever wanted peace.

When Leo came back, he looked wrecked—black eye, split lip, bruises like he'd gone through a war. I asked what had happened. He just said, “It’s what I deserve.” That didn’t sit right. So I pushed. He told me everything. And yeah—I got it. He was lucky to be alive. If that woman hadn’t been so merciful... If it were me in her place, I don’t think I would’ve shown him the same grace. After hearing what Leo went through it made me scared. Scared of losing him, scared of losing my peace and happiness. This fear gave me all the reasons I needed to deal with her.

When I finally recovered from being sick, I told Leo I needed to handle something before we left. He seemed a little worried at first but I assured him that I was going to be safe. We packed all of our stuff then I headed over to the grocery store where my mother was at. As soon as I walked in, I was hit by the smell of rotting meat. It was surprising that my mother was willing to stay in a spot like this for so long.

“It’s about time you showed up!” My mother stood with her arms crossed, one eye twitching “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting?”

Before seeing my mother I was kind of hesitant about doing this. Despite how she treated me, she was my mother at the end of the day. But now, I didn’t think it would be a problem. I sighed, “Sorry, I've been sick.”

“Sick, huh? I could’ve died, you know.”

I stared at her with a blank face, “Oh no.”

“Don’t sound too concerned now.” she said sarcastically. “But I was lucky. Some boy stopped by and saved me in time.”

“Lucky you. Hope that luck holds out.”

She narrowed her eyes, “What are you talking about?”

“Well, this is going to be the last time you see me.”

I expected fear. Maybe even begging. But she was still my mother. “WHAT? How could you think of leaving your own mother? How dare you?”

“You keep saying you’re my mother, but you’ve never acted like it. For as long as I can remember, you’ve been cold and heartless. No matter what happened to me, you didn’t show a single shred of empathy. All there was was anger and disappointment. What kind of mother would act like that?”

“It wouldn’t have been like that if you hadn’t been such a failure.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me. Every time you would set an impossible goal I would complete it. Sports, school, and extracurriculars, I excelled in them all. I wasted my life to pursue your goals… Even with all that you still hate me. What did I do to deserve all this hatred? TELL ME!”

My mother froze. Even with nothing to say I could still feel her hatred. Something was building up and now it was time for it all to come out. “You want to know why I hated you…” Her voice was eerily calm. It was like a serial killer who didn’t feel remorse for their murders. “The life that you have… YOU DON’T DESERVE IT! For all of my work, I should’ve been in your situation. You were merely just born into it, with no work at all.” She was angry. Irrational. Who resents their child for having a better life?

“And the second you were born your father neglected me. It became all about. The man that I had loved left me. All my efforts, all my love, everything I had earned, went to someone who didn’t do a damn thing. Even in his last words, your father still mentioned his love for you. That bastard didn’t even want me to be with you for my safety, he just wanted me to tell you sorry for being a shitty father. His last words should’ve been centered around me!”

My eyes widened with shock and I froze. My father never really showed me any affection growing up, but at the same time, he wasn’t as bad as my mother. From what I can remember, he was just there. But now that my mother is saying all of this, was she the one preventing my father from loving me? “H-he regretted being a bad dad?”

“So what if he did. You don’t deserve his love, you don’t deserve his attention. Everything you have should belong to me. You’re nothing without me!”

What is this bitch talking about? Shouldn’t a mother want all of those things? Shouldn't a mother be happy with the life they have given a child? So why is this one so upset?

“What, you have nothing to say?” There was a short silence before she let off a sigh and said, “I wished your father had listened to me and treated you similarly to how I treated you. It would have shown me that he still had some love for me, but no. It was all wasted on someone like you.”

My suspicions were correct, she was the one who prevented my dad from being loving. As much as I went through with my mother, I started to feel sorry for my dad. He was forced to choose between his daughter and the love of his life. At the very end, he chose me, but it still didn’t change the past. I wonder how he felt while he was dying. How much sorrow and guilt he felt towards me. I had wished I was there to assure him, or at the very least, forgive him. But no, he was stuck with that demon of a woman. The only thing I can do now is to walk away and be free from this mess. Walk away before I end up being attached like my father.

Dad, thanks for putting up with her long enough just to teach me that I should stay away from her. Sorry that you couldn’t.

My mother’s arms were still crossed and she held an angry expression. I took a deep breath before saying, “It just seems like I was the one who deserved dad’s love. Not some selfish bitch like you.” I didn’t want to end off on good terms. I hated this woman and I want her to feel all of it. Some say forgiveness helps bring peace but that’s just asking to get walked over.

Her left eye twitched, “WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!”

“YOU HEARD ME!” I bit back.

“DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I’VE DONE FOR YOU? I GAVE YOU A HOME, FOOD, WATER, EVERYTHING! AND THIS IS HOW YOU TALK TO ME!”

“That’s what a mother is supposed to do! Don’t be proud of the bare minimum!”

My mother was silent. She walked over to me and raised her hand, preparing to hit me. Something about it felt weird, as if I couldn’t move my body. All I could do was brace myself for the blow. I knew how it was going to be, it was going to sting and would knock me onto the ground. I would start to cry and my father would try to calm my mother down. But when she made contact with my face, I felt a slight irritation. The slap landed, but it barely stung. I didn’t flinch. Not this time. I looked her in the eyes and realized—she didn’t scare me anymore.

As the realization kicked in I said, “I remember this hurting a lot more. Seems you’re only scary when you’re picking on a little girl.”

Her face scrunched with anger and she wound up for another attack. This time though, I was able to react. I kicked my mother in the stomach knocking her onto the ground. The sight in front of my eyes was one of an angry and pathetic woman. Tears started to roll down her eyes, not because of an attack from her own flesh and blood but because of anger. Anger because I was happy, anger because my father had loved me, anger because I finally stood up to myself.

“Don’t you DARE look down on me!” My mother said with her teeth grinding.

“Hard not to when you're on the floor like that.” She didn’t have an answer but I was satisfied with this altercation. “While I’m gone, try not to die so easily. I wouldn’t want dad’s life going to waste for someone like you. Wait—I guess it already has but try not to waste that second chance. After all, it should’ve been given to someone who deserves it a lot more.”

It was done, I had finally stood up to my mother and left her. I had let go of the one thing that had always limited my happiness.

On the way back to the motel, I thought about what had happened. No regret. No sadness. Just pure joy. I guess it showed, because when I got back, Leo asked what had happened—said I looked way too happy for someone who’d just dealt with serious business. “Just a minor cockroach problem,” I told him. He laughed and said, “You’ll have to fill me in on the details once we hit the road.” We packed the car. This would be our last time near the city, so we made sure not to forget anything. I offered to drive—Leo was still bruised up—but he gave me directions instead. When I asked where we were headed, he just said it was a surprise. It was a long drive but talking to Leo made the time go by a lot faster. While we were talking I told him the situation with my mother. At first he was in shock, he couldn’t believe that a mother would act that way. Especially since his parents were so kind and loving. But he was proud of me. Said it took strength to stand up for myself like that. That meant more than I expected. It felt good to have someone see the weight of what I’d done. Later, Leo mentioned how destroyed the city had been when he passed through. He joked that someone as crazy as my mother must’ve done it. I paused. Then admitted it had been me. The shame hit hard.

“YOU DID ALL OF THAT?!” Leo’s eyes went wide. If not for the seatbelt, I swear he would’ve flown out of his seat.

“You didn’t have to say that so loudly you know.”

“Yeah but it is kind of funny.”

“Not really.”

“Really.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you too.” I glanced over to him and noticed his smug little grin. “So can I ask what happened?”

I let out a sigh and said, “Well it’s because I felt lost so I just needed to do something. After you were gone I tried to find myself, a purpose in life. But I couldn’t find anything.”

“So terrorizing cities became your thing?”

“Very funny. But surprisingly no.”

“Surprisingly?”

“I just felt so many emotions and just needed a way to let them all out.”

“Yeah I get what you mean. Lucky that the world is ending otherwise you wouldn’t be able to terrorize that city.”

“Yeah, I guess the end does have its benefits.”

“Yeah, just like how it brought me to you.”

My face flushed red and I started to swerve. “WOAH CAREFUL NOW!”

“I’m doing this on purpose to show how I feel on the inside! Don’t you dare say any more embarrassing things!”

“OKAY, OKAY! I think I’m going to be sick.”

After calming down, Leo fell asleep quickly. I kept driving for a while, but started to wonder if I was even heading the right way. Not wanting to wake him, I pulled over and parked. I figured a quick nap wouldn’t hurt.

It wasn’t quick. We ended up sleeping for hours. When we woke, Leo said I could’ve woken him, but I didn’t want to. He still needed rest. “I’ll be fine,” he said. “I’m not falling asleep again. ”We got back on the road and started catching up. I told him I’d tried writing stories—got inspired by a book, but it didn’t go anywhere. “I kind of sucked at it,” I admitted. He smiled. “I still wish I could read something you wrote.” I promised to try writing again. With the time we had left. I also told him about how I went back to the motel after deciding that we needed time apart. He teased me about missing him but I admitted I did. No matter how embarrassing it was, that was the truth. He said he missed me too. Said he stayed in bed for days, couldn’t even tell how long. Everything had blurred together. We talked about how close the end felt now. Closer than ever. Leo looked disturbed—not panicked, just quieter than before. I, on the other hand, felt calm. The opposite of how I was when I first heard the news. The world was ending. And somehow, I felt satisfied.

After a long drive, we finally arrived—it was a hiking trail. Nothing spectacular at first glance, but Leo promised it would be worth it. “Don’t worry,” he said, “we don’t have to hike it. There’s a road that leads to the top.” I was relieved. After hours in the car, the last thing I wanted was a climb. Once we reached the top I saw a waterfall and at the bottom of it was a little pond looking thing. We drove up, and at the summit I saw it—a waterfall spilling into a small, clear pool. My eyes lit up. “Can we swim in that?” I asked. Leo nodded. I didn’t wait. Still fully clothed, I ran and jumped in. The water was freezing at first, but I got used to it. “Come in!” I called out. He shook his head. “Way too tired. I’ll just set up the tent instead.” I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t that be more work?” I swam around for a while before getting out. I didn’t want to swim alone, so I climbed out and joined him. We started setting up the tent. “Think you can manage it this time?” he teased. “I won’t make the same mistake twice,” I said, grinning.

I made the same mistake twice.

Leo was forced to take over with tent duty. We had lawn chairs in the van so I set those up. But as Leo was building the tent he kept on glancing at me. When I looked at him though, he quickly turned away. His face was kind of red so I asked him if he was feeling good. He told me he was fine but I didn’t believe it. I walked over to him and asked him again.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” I leaned in, a little suspicious.

“Y-yeah.” He leaned back, avoiding eye contact. “You should probably change. Don’t want you getting sick. Or… y’know… other reasons.”

Other reasons?

I glanced down at my soaked, white shirt. Oh. “You perv…”

“WHAT?! I just told you to change shirts.”

“But you snuck a peek, didn’t you?” I covered my chest and squinted my eyes at him waiting for an answer.

He glanced over to the side hesitant to answer. I continued to stare at him, waiting. I didn’t know why but I wanted him to say yes.

“Maybe…” he mumbled.

I tried to stay serious, but I cracked. “I knew it! You’re a perv!”

“Woah woah.” he said while turning his head back to me. After another glance he puts his hands over his eyes, “Is it so wrong to be attracted to my girlfriend?” He sounded embarrassed, it was almost cute. Knowing that I will never get another opportunity like this I decided to tease him. After all, I’m the one who is usually embarrassed.

I walked closer to him and asked, “So you admit it huh. That you were staring.”

“Y-yeah.” I couldn't help but let out a giggle. “A-are you laughing at me?”

I tried covering my mouth but it was no use. I was barely able to let out a, “N-no.” before bursting out into laughter.

“This isn’t funny!” he said, peeking between his fingers.

“I see you peeking.” I said while still laughing.

“L-like I said earlier, this isn’t funny!”

“Yeah, but now you know I feel every time you say something embarrassing.”

“I hate you.”

“I l-lov—”

“You what?” He grinned behind his hands. Smug. Evil.

“Nothing.”

“No, what were you going to say? I heard an ‘I lov’ what?”

“It was nothing!”

“So you hate me, huh?” He said while trying to sound hurt.

Even though he was faking it, I couldn’t say that I hated him. “I-I”

“You?”

“I was going to say I love you alright.”

Right when I thought I had the edge on him I slipped up. He got his revenge on me.

He dropped his hands and revealed a big smile. “I love you too!”

“Whatever! I’m changing, you perv!”

After we calmed down, we had dinner—just canned food and ramen. Nothing fancy, but it felt special. A quiet celebration. We were finally away from the city. The city had its moments, but it was too heavy. Too many memories clinging to the place. It felt good to leave it behind. Now it was just us. That night, we lay beside each other. It reminded me of the first time we went camping—after what happened at his parents’ house. Back then, it felt awkward, like we didn’t know where we stood. Now it just felt... right. I kept thinking about how much had changed since I met him. I never thought I’d be in a relationship. Love was never something I could focus on, all I had on my mind were just goals set by my mother. But now? Now I’m here. Lying next to my boyfriend. And the world is ending. Funny how things turn out. Leo must’ve noticed me drifting off in thought, because he turned and asked, “You okay?”

I turned over, his arms still wrapped around my body. “I’m just happy to be here with you.” I whispered.

He smiled back at me, “It’s not like you to say something so corny.”

I wrapped my arms around him. “Maybe. But it’s true. I’m-I’m just so happy to be here with you right now.” He didn’t say a word but I hugged him even tighter.

He didn’t say anything, so I held him tighter. There was something in my chest—tight and quiet and new. Something I didn’t have words for yet. I leaned in and kissed him. Even after kissing him, it felt like I wanted something else. No, it felt like I needed something else. We continued to kiss. That night, for the first time, we let ourselves just be—with nothing left to prove, and nothing we needed to hide.

We stayed there for weeks. Days blurred together in a rhythm of board games, cold swims, warm nights. It felt like a honeymoon in a world falling apart. Like we found a small, impossible pocket of peace. The fear and regret had finally left Leo’s eyes. Both of us were finally happy. And for a while, that was enough. Maybe it was all we ever really needed.