Chapter 4:
Noel
For me to recover this particular painting, I have to close my own eyes and dig deep into the past.
When I reopen my eyes, I am there.
What I notice first are the people crossing the streets of the urban city. Many people are rushing off; others are walking slower, perhaps due to fatigue or because they strive for lesser things. Some are tall while others are short, some are feminine while others are masculine, some are accompanied while others are alone.
And though nobody remembers this, I am also present in this sea of human souls. I am walking on the sidewalk with a tall, glassy building to the right of me, on which the sunset and the cityscape are being reflected from its windows into my eyes.
I don’t know where I am headed. Maybe I am going home, or maybe I am going somewhere else. But I do see another destination ahead of me: a final destination that remains unchanged no matter what I do in life.
A strange longing turns my face toward the sunset. Though I am often unaware of my facial expressions, I know that at this moment, my eyes have already softened in resignation…
… Because even the great and all-radiant Sun is bound to the forces of the world. No matter how righteous and otherworldly my aspirations try to be, no matter how much I try to set myself apart from everyone else, I am no different from any of them. No different from you. I am human; humans are mortal; mortality is a synonym of death.
And in this moment, I feel Thanatos tap his sword upon my chest. I do not cower; I know he does not mean to make me afraid. All he asks of me is to see myself in the reflection.
As I turn toward the building and stare into my soul, the dreams and declarations that have masked my face melt and slither down to the drains below. My face is left vulnerable for all of the world to see…
… But nobody notices. Everything changes yet nothing changes. The paths taken by the passerby and the orbits of the celestials remain just the same.
And I go on with my day.
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