I could hear it — I was breathing heavily. Of course, I knew why that was… and the fact made me sad. As I sat, I wrapped my arms around my legs harder. What time was it? The sun was still visible, but I knew that the sun stayed out longer during this month. It is… the evening. It’s been a while since I last checked, but it was also sometime in late June. June…. There is a reason that’s a good thing, even if it’s a small one.
And with that, another workday ended. Nothing of note happened other than Bailey’s dispute with Kush; Kush, and other people in general, asking me for help on work is natural and is not counted as something of note.
The time was currently 7:00 PM. My work ended at 6:00 PM and it took me about an hour to get to where I am now. I was almost at my condo. To be more specific, after taking two subway trains, I just left the second station and was now walking to my condo.
The place where I lived was not at the heart of the city, but it was still highly developed. Buildings of varying heights and colours and used for different purposes lined the street I walked. Usually, in this city, streets would be compacted with people getting to their destination, but that was not the case at this exact moment. The reason behind this was that it was later than when the traffic peaked. There were a handful of people walking along the street just like me — a word I could use to describe them was… objective.
On the wide road next to me were a few cars. I had a car, but I opted not to use it daily to get to work. Considering the cost of gas, I found it was cheaper to use public transit. I was okay with my daily mode of transportation being predominantly underground. Alongside the cars operated streetcars run by the Trans-Fort public transportation company. Each streetcar had a modern and sleek design with a colour combination of red and white, and they ran on a fixed rail system on the roads.
It always confused me as to why streetcars were being used today. I have observed that buses are more efficient because they are not bounded by rails, meaning they could go mostly anywhere when they need to. Having a streetcar system is also more expensive than having buses because of the additional costs for implementing the rails. But I have never ridden a streetcar, so I cannot share my opinions and observations. I have been curious about riding one, but I never have; maybe I never had a reason to do so.
I continued walking down the street. From what I saw, I thought this city was awesome. I’d love to just wander around, sightseeing. However, I couldn’t. There’s… something. Something bothered me. It gnawed at me. It clawed at me. Whenever I tried to look up and awe, my head would tilt downwards in contempt. I hated it. This feeling… I desperately wanted it to end. As I thought, my stomach rumbled intensely so I fell to the ground. I leaned my back on the wall of a building and curled myself up into a ball — I was all too familiar with this position.
A couple of minutes passed, but I was almost at my condo… home. I walked through the dispersed crowd and the occasional smell of cigarettes on the street. Sometimes, I would walk past benches, postboxes, trees, and stands selling food that would decorate the usually insipid street. I noticed that a popular food sold at the food stands were hotdogs; I never planned to buy from them, but I still noticed it and the alluring smell.
I... continued walking. Every time I walked down this street after work, I had thoughts. I did not know how to think about this. I mean, it was me who taught myself to never think too much — yes, it was completely self-imposed and no one had an influence on my decision; I was not defying anyone…
Anyway, I have been thinking. Thinking, thinking, and thinking. And these thoughts have been disturbing me. I… how can I explain it? I guess it felt like I was walking through a snowstorm. I did not know what it meant. Yes… it was cold, but my warm winter attire made that the least of my problems. Or rather, I became used to the cold and became desensitized. No, instead, it was the combination of snow and the strong winds….
Strong winds and heavy snow. As I walked to my destination, it felt like I was walking through a snowstorm. It was truly brutal. First, there was the snow. The barrage of white blinded me, and no matter what I did, I saw nothing. I did not feel scared or anything, I just… accepted it. Second, there was the wind. It was intense. To think something as delicate and vital as air can be truly terrifying. The wind that blew on me interfered with my advancement, making it much harder than it was. But, I think the worst part of it all was… I kept going. Even though I could not see my final destination… even though It was physically exhausting to continue… I did. Why? It would be so much easier, and it was honestly enticing to just give up there — lie
down and be buried by the snow.
Anyway, they were just thoughts. After all, thoughts cannot physically hurt me. No matter what, even though I do not know the reason, I will continue walking through this snowstorm. It may seem pointless, but it is not — my core belief….
What? What is this?
I snapped back to reality — the terror of the snowstorm subsided. Ten minutes from reaching my condo, I stopped because I saw something. Hm…?