A Simple Truth

Seeing a doppelganger is supposed to mean your death is near. To Peter, the concept seemed silly, he saw himself everyday and, despite how appealing the concept seemed at times, nothing ever happened to him. In some cruel way, he figured, perhaps his reflection was no longer him, just a mockery to remind himself of what he once was, what he once believed he could be but could never be again. Perhaps that was the curse that awaited everyone as they entered their thirties. To be reminded of the realities behind the life they were given, not the one they wanted.

He couldn’t look away from what he’d let himself become while washing his hands in the corporate bathroom. It was true the figure wasn’t entirely foreign to him, with his emerald green eyes, dark blonde curly hair, roman nose and clefted chin, it still wasn’t how he wanted to remember himself. What he hated most was right below his chin. His once sharp features had become rounded and puffy with neglect and a few too many tubs of ice cream at night to ease his mind from this place. Even here, in the sterile white bathroom that surrounded him, he felt this constant pit inside that he was being watched, judged off every second of his productivity, or lack thereof. Every minute spent away from his desk was just one mental note away from his boss forcing him to meet his ultimate fate, termination.

Then, every weekend worked, every late night labored away, every account he helped open, brick by brick, would be gone in an instant; and all he’d be left with is that sad, pathetic figure who stared back at him in times like these. It was the fate the five supervisors before him faced, and the fate all those who worked here inevitably were confronted with. Peter defied it all up to this point, generating leads that opened accounts in 15 different states, but one by one, every other senior salesman left, not hitting the ever increasing quotas, until it was just on Peter himself to close the leads he generated from his advertisements online. Only one problem, Peter was just a marketer, not a salesman, nor did he have any business leading others on how to do it, and he knew it.

Peter left the bathroom and returned to his desk. Every other cubicle around him, empty. Directly to his left, Alice, his former subordinate, was terminated after the slidedeck he had helped her create was deemed “incomprehensible”. The one directly ahead of him, quit for the increasing workload she gained in Alice’s termination, leaving Peter to absorb her duties. He had been completing them over the weekend just to stay afloat. And now, his final employee was fired within 2 weeks of her joining, for finishing a site deemed “not flashy enough”.

Peter dialed. “H-hello. Yes, w-we got you-your infor-”. They hung up. Peter swore his impediment wasn’t this bad before. His inbox flooded with favors and quick tasks from other departments. New email banners, New creatives. New Best Practices. All to be done. Immediately. More and more. Fifteen minutes passed. Then an hour. He checked his calendar. Already behind on decks. How about queries? He needed to set up calls with 15 potential accounts. How about support tickets? Ten sat in there. His boss walked around him, Jacob. He was a short man, with an equally puffy face, the kind gained from those who put this work before anything else in their life and cold eyes that didn’t blink. They made eye contact for just a moment. It was too much. He could feel disappointment whenever he looked at him, and tried to avoid it unless necessary.

Ten more minutes passed, then the invite came over. A meeting with him and his boss. No title, no description. Peter knew the gesture meant one of two things; It was either nothing, or the end. Only he could find out now. He tried to think of any outstanding project left in his court that he’d get interrogated on. All the slide decks sat unedited, true, but he needed some direction on what he was building when pitching accounts in new verticals. He’d been required to rebuild them three times before without an outline. It'd still be his fault they weren’t complete, he knew it. Maybe it was the audits of the databases. Or maybe it was simply that only 4 accounts were opened this month. Either way, he’d find out, it was time to meet.

Peter entered the conference room, Jacob didn’t have an office. He could work from home most days, so he didn’t have a space of his own. He typed on this computer, not acknowledging his subordinate as he entered the room. Peter pulled out one of the chairs, it creaked more than he would’ve liked. He saw his boss’ eyes sharpen but didn’t say anything. They sat in silence for a few moments. Peter waited for him to make the opening move.

“Are you married”

“No”. Peter felt a sharpness radiate from the back of his throat. He worked most weekends to avoid feeling it, but it came over him in a flash. Soon enough, he’d be able to bury it again.

“Good, don’t be”.

Peter nodded, and his boss continued to type. Several more moments of silence followed.

“Something is broken.”

“W-what are you referring to?”

“You know the truth. It’s you.”

Peter felt that pit grow from within him. “I-I mean, I’m trying my best, b-but there isn’t anyone left. I’m getting pulled in so many dir-”

“The entire time I’ve been here, I’ve listened to excuses, mediocrity from marketing & sales. We didn’t become the #1 Provider of SAAS integration for B2B Consultants off of mediocrity. The buck ends today. We’re starting from scratch, you’ll get your final check from HR on the way out.”

Peter wanted to say a thousand things at that moment. To let him know his commissions were a tenth of what was promised, that he was let down by him. That he lost his entire department, piece by piece, because of his inability to communicate what he wanted, if he even knew what he wanted in the first place. But, all his time surviving there, how he learned to stay afloat for one more day, all that only allowed him to do what he did best, nod and accept the information given to him.

All that he built, all he was building, all he was striving for gone like everything else he had known there. He nodded and left the room, trying to avoid shaking too much or exposing the swirling emotions in his head. What was worse, deep down, he felt he deserved it, for thinking he could actually lead others through the impossible. Perhaps it was time to meet his end in more ways than one…