who I am is not who I want to be
One of Karma's favorite topics for the argument and any debate was "freedom." She could relate anything to Freedom. I was telling her that I saw a movie about 'sick slaves' and how those sick slaves managed to escape from a deserted Island and gain Freedom from the life of slavery.
After listening to me, she told me that she loves watching movies in which people fight for their freedom. She wanted to watch that movie. She was thinking that she might be able to find a good way of achieving freedom after watching that movie.
She was younger than me when she started practicing hacking. She had an experience of 3 years at the age of 19 while I was only an intermediate hacker who has still a lot to learn. She was an 'efficient worker' with accuracy in her work and could easily think out of the box. I was a hard worker who was still learning. To be honest, I was just a "Script Kiddie" when I first started bug hunting with her. Later, She taught me a lot about hacking, and thanks to her, I was finally free from the title of "script kiddie."
( IMPORTANT NOTE: A script kiddie or skid is an unskilled individual who uses scripts or programs, such as a web shell, developed by others to attack OR hack computer systems and networks and deface websites, according to the programming and hacking cultures.)
While We were talking about that Movie, She shared the reason behind why she became a hacker, She said:
"Nothing changed when I prayed. Nothing changed at all when I prayed for freedom. So I decided to become a Hacker. I used to think that hackers are free to do anything. There are no restrictions, no boundaries, everything according to the will of a hacker. For me, a Hacker was something like "God" who doesn't have to obey any orders. No one can order a hacker to do this or do that. No one will ever come to know if a hacker is doing something out of the boundary."
She added and said:
" According to old me, a hacker was the only person who had all sort of Freedom to do anything without being caught. I thought I would be able to feel inner freedom and get rid of the boring rules of society that restricted me to act like an "order obeying machine." My parents, teachers, office boss, my so-called friends are the enemy of my freedom. They only want me to do things they like. They want to make me an 'order obeying machine.' "
If you are addicted to anything, and most of us are, then your consciousness has been taken, hostage. She was addicted to freedom.
She was obsessed with feeling a sense of freedom. Every time I or someone try to give our opinion to her, she thought as if we are trying to implement our rules on her and taking away her freedom.
I used to ask myself often, How does it feel to be free? I didn't see slavery in obeying what my parents told me to do. I couldn't see slavery in agreeing to any friend's opinion. Listening to each other and agreeing with each other is all part of being a family or friend.
What is freedom for you? I think it's not the same for everyone. She was not craving for the freedom of her body from "incarceration." She was craving for the freedom of her mind from the "psychological injuries" and emotional issues that prevented her from being free.
She insisted me to watch that movie again with her. So I did watch it once again. I wanted to tell her that after watching that movie, she'll be only disappointed because the movie was about slaves achieving freedom for their bodies from "incarceration." And what she needed is to find a way to gain freedom from her ''unknown psychological injuries.'' I wanted to know how she got those psychological injuries. She didn't seem much happy after watching the movie, and I think I knew the reasoning behind her unhappiness.
I said to her:
" How much You'll rate this movie? "
She smiled and said:
" I haven't thought much about it, but I can say It is worth deserving my time. "
Finally, She gave an optimistic comment. I was relieved.
Addiction to ice cream was one of her highlighted traits. I don't remember a single day when we met, and she didn't want to eat ice cream. She could easily lose her temper if I refused to buy her ice cream. Her eyes shined like glitter whenever we ate ice cream. She wanted to try all the existing flavors of ice cream in the whole world. On her birthday, I took her to a newly opened ice cream parlor. She couldn't decide her favorite flavor and ate six different flavors of ice creams.
She said to me:
" When I eat ice cream, the best thing is feeling the flavor. I can even tell what part of the ice cream is Creamy, Smooth, Soft, Luscious, Refreshing, Cool, and Yummy. "
Generally, I didn't feel anything different when I ate different flavors of ice cream like fruit flavor and candy. But after spending two years with her, I started feeling the candy and fruits are grinding in-between my teeth, and I could feel the crazy flavors of Fruits and Candy at the same time. She could easily go mad when she heard anyone saying that ice cream is disgusting.
She only used to uncover her face while eating whenever with me. Maybe she was trying to cosplay some hacker who always tries to hide their identity by covering their face with a mask. Ice cream was a good idea for me to make her remove her mask from her face. At least I was able to see her properly without a wall. That mask was a wall between me and her. She had a cute collection of face masks, printed with kittens, frogs, foxes, birds, and many more.
Never ever she came to meet me without wearing a mask.
I asked her the reason behind her habit of always wearing a face mask.
She said to me:
" It makes me unique and special. It also made me feel secure from devils like you."
I laughed so hard at that. I couldn't control my laughter at that.
(Features of Akane Toru:
Height: 5'2'' (Year 2015 )
Hair: She had long, black hair cascaded down her back. Her hair was resting on the top of the ears, come to both sides, split over the right eye with some lonely straws pinching his nose.
Hair Texture: Soft and Silky
Descriptive Hair Color: Ebony/black.
Skin Tone: Ivory
Characteristics of skin tone: Porcelain to light skin color, without or with minor imperfections, sensitive, and could easily burn under the sun
Eyes: She had Icy blue eyes that are a bit whitish or a glassy shade of blue.
Cheeks: Chubby cheeks with Hallow dimple on cheeks
Chin: Cleft chin
Jaw: Jaw narrowed )