The Void

Death wasn’t what I expected. Naturally, there was darkness, but I could still see and feel. Kind of. Drifting, I noticed that the things that made me a person floated with me. I could feel myself becoming separated from my family, from Haruka, from all the painful memories. They were leaving me to go somewhere else.

Good.

In the inky blackness, there shone tiny particles of silver dust. As I moved my consciousness closer to one of them, I could see that it was replaying out moments of my life. I say moments, but it really was just me sitting around reading books about magic, watching anime, or surfing the internet, I don't know why anyone would've recorded me. I am…Was, painfully uninteresting.

I tried to flick it away, but it kept coming back into my vision. I was forced to watch every moment of bullying, every minute of isolation, every second of failure. When I flicked it away a second time, harder than before, the darkness rumbled.

I could feel my… Whatever I was, shake violently. I got the sense that it wasn’t out of anger, it was forceful, sure, but it felt like I was being bounced up and down on someone's knee.

I hadn't felt this feeling in years. I closed my eyes and let it wash over me.

“Ohohoho, unfortunate one, aren't we? What brings you to my domain?”

I blinked. The voice was powerful yet soothing, masculine and feminine. I felt like I was being scolded and comforted at the same time. The words went through my skin, marinated in my bones for a while, before gently leaving out the other side.

I sighed. I'd seen too many of these types of shows. As if to confirm my suspicion, the silver dust played out my last memory on its surface. The car that killed me wasn't a car. It was a hauler truck. I laughed quietly to myself.

“Is something funny?” The hard edge to the voice was gone. It sounded… Curious? I could feel it prod and poke my being like you would a dead bug. It genuinely wanted an answer.

“Its just… there's a media trope in my world centred around people comedically dying by getting run over by a truck. It is used to show that they are in someway or other clueless, pathetic…Oh. Well, I guess that makes sense, yeah.”

“You’ve had it tough, haven’t you?”

“Lets not. If you are God, you already know everything that needs to be known. You can see my life story, how pathetic I was, how I didn't achieve anything. Quite frankly, I'm astounded I've ended up in some kind of pre-afterlife.”

“What were you expecting?”

“Honestly? Nothing. You probably know that my world has many religions. if you do good, you go to some kind of heaven if you do bad, you go to some kind of hell. What if you've done nothing with your life? You're not good, you're not bad, you're just nothing. I expected nothing.”

The voice paused for a second. When it returned, there was nothing but kindness. I could smell the smell of a field of flowers and the words wrapped me up in a warm hug. “Young one, what makes you think I am a God?”

“Oh, come on!” The statement came out more malicious than I had intended. I metaphorically placed my hand over my mouth and close my eyes. When I noticed that no negative consequences were coming, and the warmth was still there, I continued. “I’m literally floating around in a space of nothingness. Your words have the power to alter my very being, and my life is literally flashing before my eyes. It's a little difficult to consider you anything other than a God at that point.”

“I suppose I am a God, after a fashion. Although technically, in my realm, I would not be considered as such. However, if you were brought to me, it means that somebody powerful from my world had a hand in your death.”

“That would mean that there are many worlds?”

“Yes.”

“And we go to them because somebody powerful in that world calls us there?”

“it is a very rare occurrence, but that is basically the process by which that would happen, yes.”

“All right, I understand.”

“Young one, you don't seem to be irritated by the fact that, as out of your control as it may have been, somebody has murdered you. Do you not have a desire to know who it was? To take revenge?”

They made a good point. If there were many worlds and there was a possibility I could go to one of them, I could lead whatever type of life I wanted. I could be a hero, an evil king. I got the impression that all I needed to do was ask and whoever this being was could grant these things for me.

“If I wanted to take revenge could you help me do that?”

“Helping you is why I am here.”

“Then would it be okay if I could just start new somewhere else? I love life and there was so many things I wanted to see and do and eat and feel. I don't want anything spectacular. I just want another chance.”

Another pause.

“That is almost correct, but you are lying to me. There is something you love more than life. It's the reason I was called here.”

“What do you mean?”

From the darkness appeared a flame. Its colour contained every colour I had ever seen, and some I had not. The flame tapestry grew brighter until I could see that I was not in a pitch black space, but in fact, a room.

The room was made of stone. Old, worn and chipped. It did not feel uninviting. The multicoloured flames that lit the room radiated a peaceful warmth that pushed back against the initial harshness of the building. As the flame revealed more space, I could see that the room was lined with bookshelves.

Thousands and thousands of bookshelves.

“Books?”

The voice smiled through me. “Not just any books. Spell tomes, grimoires, scrolls. The land we are in now, my home, is Aure, the land of magic.

I don't know how it was metaphysically possible, but I cried. My tears took on the form of the silver dust I had seen before. It had been so long since I had shown any emotion. In my old life I didn't know how and, even when I learned, I was declared too old for such things.

I didn't realise how good crying could feel.

“You will begin a new life in this land of magic because I have deemed you worthy. Despite what you may think of yourself, you are a good person. You will be an asset to this world. I am sure of it.”

“So then, it's as easy as that? Just be born again and become a wizard.”

“Yes, I trust that you will not let this opportunity pass you by with negativity. With your ethic you have potential to do so much good for the world.”

I hollered with joy. Finally, finally, I had the chance to do all the things I couldn't, and in a fantasy world no less. My tears began to vibrate as my nothingness form jumped for joy. “I think I know what I would like to do. If I have access to magic, I'm going to learn every single spell. I don't care what it takes. I will be a magician. It's what I was born to do after all.”

The voice’s next words slapped me in the face. “That is impossible.”

“EHHHHHHHHHH!?”

“Oh? I finally get a bit of life out of you, human, but yes, unfortunately it is not possible for a single human to learn every single spell. There are so many recorded that even I do not know the number, and even if you could learn all of them, Mana is not finite. You could be a great wizard, but no one can be the ultimate wizard.”

“There has to be a way!” The emotion bubbled inside me from everywhere. I never asked for anything in my previous life, but this…Something was pulling me, telling me to learn and seek as much magic as possible. It wasn't the childish excitement that pulled me initially. Like a black hole, I could feel myself being pulled towards the magic of the world. “Please! I'll do anything! I need to learn as much magic as possible! I'll take whatever form necessary. I'll do whatever I need to do just, let me be!”

“Ohohoho, so what you're saying is, you're not attached to the idea of being a human?”

“Not at all!”

“And you wish to be a repository for all of magic kind?”

“bit of an odd way of putting it, but yes!”

“Ohohoho!”

“I don't like the sound of that. What are you doing? Where are you? Hello?”

I felt myself falling away to the high-pitched sounds of “Ohohoho!”

For a moment, I felt nothing.

Then came the heat.

Burning, searing, hotter and hotter. I felt like I was going to die, but there was no escape. I could feel myself falling upwards. I found purchase on something, as the heat became unbearable. I pushed up against the thing that wasn't a thing and catapulted myself out of the darkness. “Ow! Ow!”

***

“IT BURNS! IT BURNS AHHHHHHHHH!” I flew into the air. My body felt a lot lighter. It must've been because of the time spent in the void. I could see the room blur past me.. I was in the library I could see earlier. The battered stone, the multicoloured glow, all of the books, they were all present.

I had to run away from the searing pain. “No, please! No, ow! I-” I came to a stop when I bumped the ceiling. The reaction was instinctive, but I felt no pain. I couldn't even feel my head. Come to think of it, I couldn't feel any part of my body. Maybe I was having an out-of-body experience? I looked beneath me and saw not my body, but an open book. I tried to move, but every time I got within a certain distance of the book, it pulled me back.”

“What the-” I kept trying, but every time I kept getting pulled back like a dog on a leash. Growing annoyed, I decided to go down to the book in an attempt to release myself, but whenever I tried to interact with the pages, I simply phased through them.

“Ohohoho! You silly little whipper snapper. You don't know what a favour your old grandad has done for you!” it was the voice from before, but he seemed happier, more casual. When it spoke, the bricks in the walls moved in a rhythmic pattern.

“Old man? Are you the library?”

“Darn tootin’ I am! Not just any library, kid. I am the Grand Library of Xilber! I've had the finest wizards in all of Aure inside me! Ohohoho!”

“I have no idea what's going on anymore. Also, phrasing.”

“Well then, newest grandchild of mine! I would be happy to show you!” At Xilber’s command, a mirror detached from the wall and approached me. Staring back, I could see a blue flame with big goggle eyes. To check that it was me I did a brief movement to the left, and then the right. I looked up, I looked down. It was when I looked down that I could see that my flame extended from me all the way down to the book I was trying to escape.

“Wait… but if I'm attached to the book, and I don't have my body then that means…”

“Ohohoho!”

“EHHHHHHHHHH!?