Mrs. Gibibilili

I was diving headfirst into the chams that was drawing closer with each passing second. The wind howled around me, and the entire world blurred out of focus. I couldn't hold it in and started squealing like a little girl.

“Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!”

When the ground was mere feet from my feet, I closed my eyes and accepted my fate.

It’s not like this place was worth a damn anyway. Maybe next time I’ll reincarnate into a world where I’ll finally be a hero! Wait a minute. I am in this mess exactly because I wanted to be a hero (and because of that redhead scum of course) Forget that. The hero’s job sucks. And I don’t want to die!

In that very moment, I landed in a sea of fluffy clouds. I bounced slightly upon impact, but luckily it wasn’t like a trampoline—otherwise I would have ended up splattered on the nearest rock. I lay still as the eggs scattered from my arms. The fluffy clouds caught them too. I opened my eyes and blinked a few times.

I’m still here. I didn’t die. I didn’t die!

I stretched my arms wide and looked up to the heavens. If I would crawl out of the sewer and it would be raining, it would be a certified Shawshank moment.

Thank you, God!

But the world seemed to think it was time to remind me of my true saviour whose merits I had quite deliberately shoved into a corner of my mind. Instead of angels, what came raining down from above was the billowing skirt of a bespectacled witch. I barely had time to crouch down and shield the eggs with my body before Winry landed heavily on top of me. All I could do was groan in pain. Still, I managed to save both the eggs and my dignity by not throwing myself into a woman’s lap like every proper isekai protagonist.

Good job, Seiichi. I’m proud of you. I had to praise myself.

Three more figures landed nearby, thankfully not on top of me.

“We’re out of here!” Zirka urged everyone as she quickly jumped on her feet.

There was no time to linger—above us, the sphinx was still screeching, clearly looking to reclaim her helpless little baby and return it to her nest.

Politely declining, madam— although your furry body has served me well as a nice couch, but you should seriously do something about those stinky wings. I apologized in my mind and followed the others.

The trip back was mostly uneventful. Winry renewed my concealment spell, but she had exhausted all her mana, and the cooling spell had just worn off. However, I didn’t really care, because I was told that the loot was more than satisfactory.

“We’ll get paid for this quest and see how much they price the eggs. As for that brooch, we might be able to get something for that too,” Zirka told me. Lay was still sobbing with joy over the fact that I was alive and well, so he couldn’t say a word. As for Duru—I won’t even mention him—and Winry seemed to be in a grumpy mood, constantly touching her head. Probably because she lost her hat. I wanted to cheer her up and told her she could buy a new one from at Lumir’s shop and I even reached out to give her a friendly pat on the head, but she shoved me away angrily and told me not to touch her.

Jeez, everyone in this group is moodier than a pregnant woman, I sighed to myself.

Lay saw me off all the way to the store, then shook my hand with the kind of heartfelt intensity usually reserved for national heroes or retiring rock stars.

Man, he is such a drama queen. But it is kinda nice to be honest. I like the guy, even though his moustache is simply terrible.

The next day, I was nervous all day long. I kept thinking about how much we might earn for eggs and brooch, and I was also worried that some buffed guys would come bursting out of the portal to drag me off to the Demon Castle. But neither Lay’s party nor any guards showed up.

With nothing better to do, I read through the shopkeeper’s manual and figured out how the days off worked. Apparently, the first week was considered a trial period and I had to be here all day, but if I proved myself, I’d get weekends off and a more relaxed schedule. I might even get a few vacation days.

Wow, you sure are generous, Master Lumir, you old scumbag, I cursed my employer.

Three bottles clinked on the counter. I looked up from the manual and saw a tanned woman with short hair braided into little plaits, filled with random trinkets, colourful beads, and unidentifiable objects that looked like chewed gum scraped from under a school desk. She wore a large white robe, lazily fastened so that certain parts were—well—pretty visible.

Ah man, maybe I really am no better than any other isekai protagonist, I sighed after a quick glance at her ample chest.

I rang up two bottles of wine and a local hard liquor I hadn’t tried yet. I had to admit, the golden glimmer of that drink was making my mouth water.

“Thirty-four glens,” I announced with the professional tone of a bored shop clerk who just wants to get back to scrolling on his phone. Unfortunately, I had nothing but the manual and a few women’s fashion magazines here.

The woman tossed a few coins onto the counter. One glance told me it was barely enough for the bottle of liquor. I raised an eyebrow at her pointedly.

“Fourteen more glens.”

The woman just stared at me, grinning stupidly. My trained eye recognized her instantly as a not-so-rare, but very annoying type of customer—a drunk with no money.

“If you can’t pay, just take the hard liquor and get lost,” I said firmly.

“Hehehe,” she giggled dimly, then leaned suggestively on the counter. “My name’s Gillsethena, but you can call me Gilli, handsome.”

What a dirty trick! Only a woman would pull something like that. If it were a guy, he’d just beat the shit out of me and run off with the booze. That would be fair!

I had to use every bit of willpower to keep my eyes locked on her face, which I now noticed was already slightly flushed.

“Fourteen glens, Gillilili,” I replied with the kind of ice-cold expression a poker pro would envy.

“Uh, it’s Gilli.”

“Sorry, Gibibilili.”

“Wow, you’re pretty sloshed yourself if you can’t even say my name, huh?” After her failed attempt to breach my fortress of chastity, Gilli dropped the act and seemed to return to her normal personality.

“Right, like you’re the one to talk. Please step away from the counter before you puke on it,” I announced to her as a seasoned professional who unfortunately had plenty of experience with such incidents.

“Aw, you’re no fun, I’ll tell you that. Hmmm… Did you know I’m a priestess?”

I looked at her with a bit of disdain.

“You should be ashamed, desecrating a religious institution like this,” I scolded her like a proper die-hard atheist. “And anyway, what’s that got to do with the fact you can’t pay for a bottle of wine?!”

“There it is! I knew you couldn’t keep that grumpy little face on forever!” Gilli cheered.

“Fourteen glens or get out.”

Gilli paused to think. Then she raised her finger, to let the whole world know that a light bulb called an idea had turned on in her head. No matter how small in was.

“But I’ve got enough for the Bulkar, right?”

Bulkar was the golden liquor sitting on the counter. I could read the label, thanks to what I’d learned in the manual—that my transmigration had also blessed me with knowledge of the local language and writing.

“Yes.”

"Would you like a taste?"

“No.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Like, not even a little?”

“No!”

…

“Well okay, maybe just a tiny bit.”

A drunken grin lit up Gilli’s face. “Then I’ll let you have a taste, and you let me keep just one of the wines for free, alright?”

I considered the offer for a few moments while the wicked woman waved the bottle in front of my eyes. Ah, screw it. Seven glens of debt won’t kill me.

"Okay, give it here." I said with resignation.