Prologue

Is this the afterlife? The great beyond?

Why is it called ‘great’ anyways? If this total emptiness is called ‘great’ then is my busy life with total fullness called ‘Not great’? I am too young! I have not even had my first kiss!

I push the protests in the background as I rewind my memory beginning from the latest moments I can remember. When did this all begin? Or end? Did I do anything wrong? I remember getting light-headed while on the balcony of the orphanage. Didn’t I fall? I remember getting a message from my sister. I remember settling my siblings for bed. Tucking them into the freshly changed sheets with Tweety theme. I remember the surprise party.

To think that I almost did not have that cake. My birthday cake. At least everyone’s last memory of me would be that of celebration and happiness.

I remember helping with cooking dinner and feeding the younger ones. The seafood soup I made was a hit. I remember rushing into the orphanage after work. I remember having a full-on shift. Everything that can go wrong in a hospital setting has its chance of going off. I remember having classes but cannot recall the discussion as I was hiding a fever. It was about emergency nursing. Disaster and how to handle it as a healthcare provider. The header was all I can recall from the class, not the content. I remember having a significant examination early in the day. Miraculously, I managed to stay awake and finish in time. I remember waking at 3:30 am to skim and retain what I could of the syllabus covered on the test. Completed 24 hours recap since my last conscious memory.

How many hours have passed since? Days maybe? Am I alive? Is this how it feels to be in a coma? Why does it feel like there is more to recall?

When I can start to feel my body again, that is when I open my eyes. Well, I believe my eyes are open, but I don't see a single thing. Just endless black. Closed or opened, doesn't make much difference.

It is frightening. What if I am missing a limb? That is disproven quickly. There is movement and sensation from my toes and fingers. I can still shake my head.

Yep, I can still move. Yep, nothing is hurting. Yep, my eyes can open fine. A mental checklist for myself.

‘Thank goodness’, a massive sigh of relief. I then continue to inspect the rest of my body and immediate surroundings in the dark and I discover a few bizarre things. One is that I am covered with a cloth that feels like fur. A blanket maybe? Second, is that I am uninjured, yet without clothes. Lastly and more alarmingly, the scaly bed I am lying on seems to be gently and rhythmically moving up and down. As if breathing.