Final Day

It was rare for me to get more than 5 hours of sleep. Specially during quiz days. I was so deep into dreamland that I slept through my 2:30 am alarm and didn’t awake until an hour later.

That dream again, huh?

Serene wilderness covering vistas of valleys and rolling hills, bathed in moonlight of varying shades. In the midst of it lay a body of water that mirrored millions of sparkling gems glittering in the night. I could almost smell the aromatic embrace of nature.

Then, a scream reverberates throughout.

A small girl running through shallow waters. A beautiful lady chasing her. The kind that looks much younger for her age. I was puzzled about their dynamic, but the next part always happens without fail. It answers my questions. Then add some. The violence.

The lady catches up to the girl, slams her underwater and forcibly holds her there. The little girl doesn’t stand a chance against the lady’s unshakeable grip. All she can do is kick weakly and with her innocent, pleading hands, reach up to the skies.

The struggle slowed, grew clumsy. Through her blurry sight, she looked at the skies. The three moons were the last thing she saw before the burning sensation of the ocean filled her lungs. The moment she felt the pain, so did I.

Then, the melody of my alarm.

Is this how drowning feels like?

Clutching my chest, I silenced the alarm that had been going off every fifteen minutes. Gasping for air, cold sweats and that feeling of sudden wakefulness. Nothing new.

A concerning nightmare, yes, but nothing to do with me. Always I watched in third person. Always I saw their faces in the dream, yet forgot them on waking. There was no way I was that little girl, let alone that lady.

If the dream was some kind of omen, then I would not let it come true.

I loved children. I’d grown up in Wila Orphanage surrounded by them, surviving together, raising one another.

Sometimes the dream offered a reprieve. Sometimes, I managed to stay asleep long enough to witness the little girl escape. Or just vanish. When the painful feeling of the ocean hit her insides, my usual cue to wake up, she disappears.

When that happens, the woman screamed at her empty hands. Once, she even seemed to look straight at me. I should have been shaken. But I wasn’t. The girl escaped, the lady didn’t succeed. That was enough.

But who was she? Her looks were stunning. She had this innocent beauty. Like an actress.

Maybe the dream was just a movie that I saw when I was younger. Who knows.

I remembered nothing before the orphanage. Maybe it was a reminder of my past, before I got discarded. Or forgotten.

‘Not again’, I sighed.

Well, at least I was awake now. Time to study.

The alarm went off yet again. The stabbing in my chest dulled to a headache. I said I didn’t care about the recurring dream, but I always ended up lying there, analyzing it until the guilt of wasted time dragged me upright.

It was one of those scenarios where you felt like something is being done to you but not you at the same time. A time when you felt like a participant and a spectator at the same time.

My eyes strayed to the ceiling. Pinned there was a manila sheet mapping the pathophysiology of sepsis, plastered with sticky notes like a rainbow explosion.

How had I even gotten that up there?

Oh, how littered my room was with notes, charts, and jargon. All colorful, like a neon party. Such was the standard for any medical student.

The throbbing behind my eyes forced me toward the freezer for ice. Lack of sleep finally caught up. A strange feeling washed over me. Sense of unease. Like darkness covering the sun. I had a feeling that something significant would occur soon, but I brushed it off as test anxiety and crossed my fingers that I could pass the examination.

My heart had been doing this for years, but more so lately. Racing out of nowhere, leaving my thoughts blank, like some dark energy hovered close. It could just as easily have been the lack of sleep, skipped meals, and relentless schedule.

Speaking of packed, today was the usual. Exam in the morning, classes until late afternoon, work until evening, a stop at Wila, home by ten, then up again at two to grind out thesis work. My normal routine for weeks, even months, if you could call it that.

At least the pile of books by my feet hadn’t toppled overnight.

I rolled around a bit and felt crinkled printouts beneath my pillow. A practice I heard from a friend. An old superstition that sleeping over notes made knowledge stick. It’s worked for me so far.

Is there a magical practice that could answer my questions in life? Like what are the test answers for today’s quiz? Or why didn’t my parents ever search for me?

'Ina, you got this. Concentrate.'

With hopes that drinking water would help me combat the headache, I tackled the study load. Despite nodding off between chapters, I managed to study until six.

That would have to do. I patted my head in small self-congratulation and started preparing for school.

Reflected by the mirror is an average girl with olive skin, almond eyes, long hair falling in neglected layers. All my attention and effort were mostly taken up by learning, with little time left for vanity. Not taken by make-up, I wore only lip stain, just enough to keep my clinical instructor from teasing that I looked like a patient instead of a nurse.

*****

With five minutes to spare, I wolfed down bananas and an energy drink at my seat in the testing hall. The gymnasium was the only place big enough to hold 120 examinees spaced far apart. Unfortunately, its open-air setup also made it feel like taking an exam in the middle of a jungle. It was like battling the elements as you also battled the questionnaire.

'Ina, I mean this in the nicest way possible. You don’t look great.' Mika’s voice drifted from beside me.

Mika, a friend of mine, was taking care of me as usual. It was a mystery how we clicked, since she was the popular type of girl.

I gave her a tired smile. ‘Thanks for noticing. You know how tight my schedule gets.’

Her frown deepened as she pressed a palm to my forehead.

‘Fever? Really? At this time?’ she practically announced to the entire gym. I brushed her hand away gently.

‘I'll be fine. I just want to get on with this day and…’

‘And do the same thing again tomorrow?’ she snapped.

Before I could answer, the teachers arrived and began the usual rundown of rules. I caught Mika glaring at me from her seat, and I mouthed a quick “sorry.”

*****

Surprisingly, I powered through. Even finished the test early. Mika passed me a pill for the fever, and I swiftly accepted. On the way to class, I gnawed on fruit and juice while we compared answers.

Most of the questions were about giving care. I wasn’t the smartest nor the prettiest student, but I had a knack for delivering care to patients, which was one of the reasons I took a caretaking job as well. It went well with my nursing studies.

‘I think I passed,’ I said.

‘Will you be okay?’ she asked, peering at me.

‘I’ve got it under control. I always do.’

Her exasperation was palpable. She could see through me, but she never overstepped my boundaries. She escorted me to my seat before settling herself down.

My fever spiked during lecture, though the instructor’s droning gave me cover to slump unnoticed.

Emergency nursing hey? Oh, how far I’ve come.

I was estimated to be 13 years old when I was discovered asleep in rubble during a major earthquake. I was unharmed and was rescued by emergency medics.

Competent staff can save lives, especially during tragedies. This topic must be discussed early on, even in first year.

I thought back to my own experience with calamities as the class went on. Uninvited fragments surfaced.

The first thing I remembered was rain. Drops falling from the sky in a way I had never seen before. Gentle, pearlescent, with a faint tint of pink. Beautiful. Cleansing. As if the sky itself had decided to wash something heavy from me. It poured, but the world beyond the curtain of water remained visible. My little arms were trying to reach something from the stars.

That was when I realized I couldn’t see the moons.

Moons? What moons? Why did the younger me thought there was more than one moon?

Maybe it came from the nightmare that chased me for years. The little girl under three moons, caught in an attack.

Then came the sound. The shrieking collapse of stone, the screams of people I couldn’t see. I was small, wedged between broken walls, listening as concrete groaned and caved in. The noise was endless. Destruction grinding against itself, cries overlapping cries, the world spinning in sound until I broke apart and wept.

That was how they found me. A girl crying herself to sleep amid the ruins. They wrapped me in a blanket, carried me away, asked questions I couldn’t answer. I don’t remember what they asked. Only that, at some point, I must’ve said my name was “Ina.”

And so I was.

No injury, no record, no family. Only a snake-shaped birthmark on my forearm, which wasn't a lot to go on from. I didn’t appear in any missing children’s list. Tests show that I was a healthy girl despite having no memory. Maybe a bit smaller for my estimated age.

And so, Wila Orphanage became my home. My memories had been pleasant since then. Well, of course with the exception of a few failed examination results and my thesis status being a pain.

I long gave up on the thought of anyone coming to look for me and claim me as their family. So it doesn’t bother me anymore… I think…

My phone buzzed, disrupting my reminiscing. Aminata.

Probably another cat video. I’ll check after class.

I had the honour of meeting Ami and having her in my life because of Wila. Most of my childhood memories were with the other orphans like me, whom I call my brothers and sisters, the nuns and the volunteer medical staff. My favorite nurse, of course, adored me back.

Ami was my sister in all but blood. Once a nursing student who had wanted to adopt me but couldn’t. She went on to obtain her degree and had become a brilliant ambassador, travelling between islands to help children just like us.

She’s seriously amazing. I am incredibly proud of her.

Only thirteen years older, yet she always called me the daughter she never had. I always shot back, ‘No thanks, only sisters,’ and we’d laugh. She always said that her daughter’s name was supposed to be “Ina” as well.

She mentioned she had a rough past but wouldn’t share more than what’s necessary. She didn’t enjoy making people worry about her. A bad habit I have unfortunately picked up, amongst some. Such as not being very open to romantic advances. Well, that one was fine. I could live without a man.

My phone glowed again, showing a photo of me and Ami. We do look similar in some aspects. She looked so young for her age too. She’s my inspiration for studying nursing and a person who I rely on a great deal. I had been living with her since I was able to leave the orphanage as an adult.

‘Ina, wake up.’

I blinked. Mika stood over me, packing my things.

‘Class is over. Take the rest of the day off,’ she ordered, handing me my bag.

‘Sorry, I have to go to work next.’ I groggily responded as I reoriented myself. Seemed like I had fallen asleep while lost in thought.

She huffed, ready to argue, when the instructor called her for thesis business.

‘What’s with teachers always interrupting when I am about to lecture you?’ she complained.

I couldn’t help but giggle.

‘Just, please do not force yourself too much Ina…’ She gave me a lingering look and reached out to my face before running after our teacher, who was also her research advisor. I waved a flying kiss towards her.

After making sure that there were no items left behind, I made my way to the hospital.

*****

‘Ina, good to see you.’ greeted Chimdi. He was one of the new doctors in the diabetic ward.

‘You’re happy to see me because you’re going to boss me around today as well?’ I teased.

"Dr. Chimdi, being younger than most of the staff, had still managed to gain everyone's respect. The older nurses would always joke about him being the baby on the healthcare team while he was the one calling the shots.

He chuckled, then frowned. ‘Your color’s off.’

‘Yeah, I had a fever earlier.’ I lied. I was still not feeling great but my nap at the class helped me.

‘Make sure you don’t overdo it. Rest if you have to. Do not hesitate to let us know and just go home to rest. One day of rest would do you wonders.’

’Thanks, doc. I’m supposed to be your work colleague today, not the patient.’ I laughed with him. He handed me a candy to give me a sugar boost as we walked to the ward meeting.

*****

The shift was relentless. I was tasked with monitoring the blood sugar levels of three patients on a 30-minute basis and answering the buzzers. I was able to carry on my tasks properly, going around each of the three patients. I then have some time in between to go to folks asking for assistance. I was on my feet, but I enjoyed it.

After attending to an elderly lady needing mobility assistance to get to the toilet and back, I went straight back to checking the sugar levels. The readings showed that one of the patients is experiencing hypoglycemia. I alerted the nurses and doctors and an intense medical intervention had begun once the patient had lost consciousness and stopped responding to staff.

The team managed to get the gentleman back to a conscious level after implementing treatment protocol and everyone thanked each other for the quick manner that we all intervened.

A crash sounded from another room.

I hurried to the scene and saw that the elderly lady I helped earlier thought that she could stand up on her own and had landed on the floor while on her way to the toilet. Some staff were right behind me, and we all assisted the elderly lady back to bed. Scans had to be done to check if she broke anything.

Test results came back to show that the elderly lady didn’t have a fracture. On the other hand, the gentleman we had to rescue was having an underlying infection and food poisoning, which triggered his sugar level to go up and down.

Food poisoning, huh. I wonder if it was accidental or deliberate?

On my break, I read topics about common poisons and realised that a lot of basic food can bring about horrible outcomes when taken in copious quantities. Even some chemicals that are harmless on their own could be hazardous when mixed with one another. For reasons I couldn’t explain, I wanted to know more.

The rest of the shift blurred by on the same strenuous note. I was ready to call Wila and beg off when their call reached me first.

‘Ina, only if you can, please come early,’ Sister Helen said weakly. ‘I’ve caught the flu. I can’t risk the children.’

‘Of course,’ I answered. Exhaustion pressed heavy on my body, but I wasn’t contagious, just drained. I was the better choice.

As I rushed out, Dr. Chimdi called after me. I only caught the end: ‘…and don’t collapse.’

At times, I wish I cared for myself more too. It’s better to just keep busy.