Final Day

It was rare for me to get more than 5 hours of sleep. Specially when I have a test coming up. I was so deep into dreamland that I slept through my 2:30 am alarm and didn’t awake until an hour later.

That dream again huh?

Serene wilderness covering vistas of valleys and rolling hills, bathed by moonlight of varying shades. In the midst of it lay a body of water that mirrored millions of sparkling gems glittering the night in the background. I can almost smell the aromatic embrace of nature.

Then, a scream.

A small girl running through shallow waters. A beautiful lady chasing her. The kind that looks much younger for her age. I was puzzled about their dynamic, but the next part always happens without fail. It answers my questions. Then add some. The violence. The lady catches up to the girl, slams her underwater and forcibly holds her there. The little girl didn’t stand a chance against the lady’s unshakeable grip. All she can do is kick weakly and with her innocent, pleading hands, reach up to the skies. She briefly put up a fight, before her movements became slow and clumsy. Through her blurry sight, she looked at the light. The three moons are the last thing she saw before the burning sensation of the ocean fills her lungs. The moment she felt the pain, I felt it too.

Then, the melody of my alarm.

Is this how drowning feels like?

Clutching my chest, I silenced the alarm that had been going off every fifteen minutes. Gasping for air, cold sweats and that feeling of sudden wakefulness. Nothing new.

A concerning nightmare, yes. But none of it has anything to do with me. Plus, I had always seen it from a third-person perspective. There is no way I am that little girl, let alone that lady. I love children. I grew up in an orphanage surrounded by children of all ages. We all lived together and helped one another survive and cope.

If this is a warning, for the future, I won’t allow such a scenario to play out.

Well, one good thing that happens in that dream. Sometimes, I manage to stay asleep long enough to see that the little girl escapes. Or just vanish. When the painful feeling of the ocean hits her insides, my usual cue to wake up, she disappears. Then the lady looks at her empty hands and screams. One time, it felt like she looked at me directly while raging. Really, I should’ve been concerned. But I wasn’t. The girl escapes, the lady doesn't succeed. But who is she? Her looks were stunning. She has this innocent beauty. Like an actress.

Maybe, the dream was just a movie that I saw when I was younger. Who knows. I don’t even remember anything other than being in the orphanage. Maybe, it’s a reminder of my past, before I got rescued.

Sigh. Not again. Well, at least that woke me up so I can study.

My fifteen-minute alarm went off in the background once more. Chest pain replaced by headache. I said that I don’t care for the repetitive dream, but I always end up spending time overthinking it before realizing I must get up. It’s just one of those scenarios where you feel like something is being done to you but not you at the same time. A time when you feel like a participant and a spectator at the same time.

My gaze landed on the ceiling. Massive manila sheet depicting the pathophysiology of sepsis and the small notes plastered all over it.

How did I get that up there again?

Oh, how littered my room is with notes, charts, and jargon. All colorful with neon that looked like a rainbow from afar. Such is the standard for any medical student.

The pressure made me stand up to grab ice for my head. Lack of sleep finally caught up. A strange feeling washed over me. Sense of unease. Like darkness covering the sun. I had a feeling that something significant would occur soon, but I brushed it off as test anxiety and crossed my fingers that I could pass the examination. I had been getting frequent moments where my heart would suddenly race, and my mind goes blank, like a bad energy looming over me. But it could very well be my lack of sleep, small food intake and busy days. Speaking of packed, today definitely would be. An exam first thing in the morning, then classes until late afternoon, work from late afternoon to early night, pop by Wila Orphanage to help, get home by 10, and then get up again at 2 am to dedicate time for my thesis. My routine for the past weeks, if not months.

Staring at the pile of books by my feet, a sense of pride filled my chest. I was pleased that I didn’t kick those off the bed in my sleep. I rolled around a bit and noticed the printouts under my pillow. A practice I heard from a friend. They seemingly hide any material you want to learn under the pillow. Data is then absorbed while asleep.

'Ina, you got this.'

With hopes that drinking water would help me combat the headache, I tackled the study load. Despite dozing in and out of sleep, I managed to study until 6 am. That’s the best I could’ve done. When hitting at least 80% of the material, I patted my head and started preparing for school, which doesn't take long.

Reflecting in the mirror is an average girl with olive skin, long hair, overgrown multiple layers of fringe and almond eyes. All attention and effort are mostly taken up by learning, with little time left for vanity. Not taken by make-up, I only apply lip stain to give my face colors. Otherwise, I would look more like a patient than a healthcare provider, as my clinical instructor would say.

With five minutes to spare, I had time to eat a quick breakfast of bananas and an energy drink on my seat at the testing venue. I surveyed the seating arrangement as I munched. The gymnasium is the only building that allows 120 seats to be spaced 1.5 meters apart in each direction. All departments used it as a testing venue with the addition of events and sports activities. The only downside is that the open-air setting makes it feel like there was not much difference from taking the exam in the jungle. It’s like battling the elements as you also battled the questionnaire.

'Ina, I mean this in the nicest way possible. You don’t look great.' Mika, a friend of mine, was taking care of me as usual. It’s a mystery how we clicked, as she’s the popular type of girl.

'Hey, Mika. Thanks for looking out for me. You know how tight my schedule gets.’ I replied with a bitter smile.

I observed her facial expression change from concern to anger after she reached out to touch my forehead.

‘Fever? Really? At this time?’ She asked me, announcing to everyone within earshot. I pushed her hand away gently.

‘I'll be fine. I just want to get on with this day and…’

‘And do the same thing again tomorrow?’ Mika interrupts. I cannot argue with her there.

Before she could protest, multiple teachers arrived and announced the test guidelines. I looked to my right and saw Mika glaring at me from her seat. I smiled and motioned an ‘I’m sorry’ with my hands.

I was surprisingly able to stay alert and finish the test in time. Mika handed me a pill for my fever, and I complied without hesitation. On our way to morning class, I munched on the rest of my breakfast, more fruits and juice, as we discussed our answers for the test. I had a feeling that I would get a passing mark. Most of the questions were about giving care. I was not the smartest, nor the prettiest student, but I had a knack for delivering care to patients. Which is one of the reasons I took a caretaking job as well. It goes well with my nursing studies.

‘Will you be, ok?’ Mika asks while peering into my face.

I smiled and said ‘I got it under control. I always do’.

Her exasperation is palpable. She could see through me, but she never overstepped my boundaries. My fever worsened during the class, but since we only had to listen to the clinical instructor speak, I was able to get some sort of reprieve. Emergency nursing hey? Oh, how far I’ve come. I was estimated to be 13 years old when I was discovered asleep in rubble during a major earthquake. I was unharmed and was rescued by emergency medics.

Competent staff can save lives, specially during tragedies. This topic must be discussed early on, even in first year.

I looked back on my personal experience with calamities and its aftermath as the lecture went on. I visualized fragments of what took place. My first memory was seeing drops falling from the sky like I’ve never seen before. Gentle pearlescent raindrops with a hint of pink. Beautiful. And cleansing. It was as if the rain was washing me of a heavy burden. It was pouring but one can still see what was beyond the raindrops. I realized then that I can’t see the moons.

Moons? What moons?

I had always wondered why younger me thought there was more than one moon. Is it because of my recurring nightmare about the little girl being attacked under the light of three moons?

The sound of destruction and screams came back to me. I was carefully placed amid collapsed buildings. There were screams and cries all around me, a few concrete walls were actively concaving on itself, and more desperate noises, more sounds of broken things swirling around me. Going round and round. Until I broke down.

I was discovered crying myself to sleep by first responders. Wrapped in a blanket and taken to safety. Some background and health checks. I can’t remember what was being asked, but I apparently said the word ‘Ina’, therefore I was assigned that name.

No signs of head injury were noted. A small snake-shaped birthmark on my left forearm wasn't a lot to go on from. I didn’t appear in any missing children’s list. Tests show that I was a healthy girl despite having no memory. Maybe a bit smaller for my estimated age.

After a thorough investigation, I was placed under the care of Wila Orphanage, which became my home thereon. My memories have been pleasant since then. Well, of course with the exception of a few failed examination results and my thesis status giving me pain. My phone buzzed and my reminiscing got disrupted. A message from my sister Aminata.

Probably another cat video. I’ll check it after class.

I had the honour of meeting her and having her in my life through Wila. Most of my childhood memories are with the other orphans like me, whom I call my brothers and sisters and the adults looking after us parentless kids. My favorite nurse, of course, adored me back. Aminata wanted to adopt me. She was a nursing student back then and was unable to provide the necessary means to raise me. She frequents Wila’s and claims that I was the daughter she wanted but couldn’t have.

I countered the claim with a rejection, ‘No thank you, we are only sisters.’ and we would share a laugh.

She’s only thirteen years older than me, and she looks so much younger too. She’s my inspiration for studying nursing and a person who I can call my family. I had been living with her since last year when I was able to leave the orphanage as an adult.

‘Ina! Wake up.’ I looked up and saw Mika packing up my things.

‘Class is finished, and you should take the rest of the day off.’ She instructed as she placed my bag in front of me. Seems like I had fallen asleep while I was lost in thought.

‘Sorry, I have to go to work next.’ I groggily responded as I reoriented myself. Mika was just about to burst when the teacher called her attention urgently for her thesis.

‘What’s with teachers always interrupting when I am about to lecture you?’ She complained.

‘Just, please do not force yourself too much Ina…’ She gave me a lingering look and reached out to my face before running after our teacher, who was also her research advisor. I waved a flying kiss towards her.

After making sure that there were no items left behind, I made my way to the hospital to work. The school was designed in a way that the classrooms are on a separate land, but the students and the staff just had to cross a gated wall that separates the hospital building beside it, to get to their allocated hospital rotation area. As a nursing student, I had allotted duty times. That is when we must learn on the wards from employed nurses as trainee nurses.

Hours were counted for this and included in the final tally of grades and requirements. I must do my rotation on the wards as a student nurse, but I was also employed as a caretaker, which is a separate matter. I was looking for a job so I had income to support myself and being a carer is the best option for me since I can just go to my shifts in between my nursing studies and obligations at the orphanage, plus I could learn added skills that will contribute to my nursing career overall.

‘Ina good to see you.’ greeted Chimdi. He was one of the new doctors in the diabetic ward.

‘You’re happy to see me because you are going to boss me around today as well?’ I teased.

Doctor Chimdi was accomplished and younger than most of the staff. The older nurses had always joked with him that he was the youngest member of the healthcare team, yet he was the one giving the orders. He could even be a grandson, just in terms of age to some of the oldest staff nurses.

‘The color of your face is odd.’ he pointed out.

‘Yeah, I had a fever earlier.’ I lied. I was still not feeling great but my nap at the class helped me a bit.

‘Make sure you don’t overdo it today. If it is too much, do not hesitate to let us know and just go home to rest. One day of rest would do you wonders.’

’Thanks doc. I am supposed to be your work colleague today, not the patient.’ I laughed with him. He handed me a candy to give me a sugar boost as we walked to the ward meeting.

I was tasked with monitoring the blood sugar levels of three patients on a 30-minute basis and answering the buzzers. I was able to carry on my tasks properly, going around each of the three patients. I would then have some time in between to go to folks asking for assistance. I was on my feet, but I enjoyed it. After attending to an elderly lady needing mobility assistance to get to the toilet and back, I went straight back to checking the sugar levels. The readings showed that one of the patients is experiencing hypoglycemia. I alerted the nurses and doctors and an intense medical intervention had begun once the patient had lost consciousness and stopped responding to staff.

The team managed to get the gentleman back to a conscious level after implementing treatment protocol and everyone thanked each other for the quick manner that we all intervened. We then heard a crash from another room. I hurried to the scene and saw that the elderly lady I helped earlier thought that she could stand up on her own this time and had landed on the floor while on her way to the toilet. Some staff were right behind me, and we all assisted the elderly lady back to bed. Scans had to be done to check if she broke anything.

Test results came back to show that the elderly lady didn’t have a fracture. On the other hand, the gentleman we had to rescue was having an underlying infection and food poisoning, which triggered his sugar level to go up and down.

Food poisoning hey. I wonder if it was accidental or deliberate?

On my break, I read topics about common poisons and realised that a lot of basic food can bring about horrible outcomes when taken in copious quantities. Even some chemicals that are basic on their own can be hazardous when mixed with one another. This is certainly a topic I can read in my free time.

The rest of the shift went on the same strenuous note. I was about to call Wila to let them know that I didn’t feel great today, but I got a call from them instead.

‘Ina, only if you can, please help us. Sister Helen had caught the flu, and she did not want to pass it to the kids.’

‘Of course. I’m on my way soon.’ I was unwell from being overworked. Not from being contagious. Therefore, I was better suited to look after the kids.

Doctor Chimdi called out to me as I rushed off after my shift. I didn’t hear clearly what was said as I was rushing, but it ended with ‘and don’t collapse.’ Not the first time today that I pushed aside someone’s concern over me.