Take My Hand

I woke up in a body bag.

Darkness.

The cold, plastic cocoon crinkled from my fingers as I felt around for a zipper. Nothing except confused thoughts kept me company, trying to recall everything that'd transpired until now.

The bullet train. The bridge. The girl. The fall.

And the ballerina.

But what made me act on impulse? Why exert more than a day's effort for just a moment's notice? When I was still young?

Everything blurred together in a collage of puzzle pieces, assembling bit by bit.

Then outside the body bag I heard an old man's voice serenading my name.

"Aizawa."

"Aizawa."

"Aiza—"

*

Through rolling glares of twilight, the train window managed to reflect my face as I gazed outside. Forests—deciduous, autumn hues—zoomed by amongst landscapes of tall mountains. The odd village might sometimes appear, always in disrepair from people moving to big cities.

I sighed and tapped an old notepad on my lap. Today I'd worn business attire for an interview with a politician. The fat, balding man tried pleading his case about never accepting bribes for favors. And my newspaper outlet sent me to try clearing his name. Probably because he bribed us.

Another ordinary day of hating this job.

"Mister! Is there pretty stuff in your notebook? Like ponies?" the girl seated next to me said. She'd styled her hair into pigtails that complemented her polka dot dress.

Hasn't she realized it's rude talking with strangers on the train yet? I sent a side glance with a scowl to try scaring her away. I'd always had this face that kids hated, scared away by hawk-like eyes and thick brows that could furrow like a villain's. Even my nose looked sharp enough to cut through steel.

But the little girl kept looking up at me, smiling, as if she could see right through me. In a way, her company had felt nice this whole trip home. I normally preferred silence, though hearing giggles helped keep my mind off things.

Then in the adjacent aisle, a young woman wearing glasses gave me a little wave. "Sorry, haha. Let me know if my daughter is bothering you."

"Hmmm? She hasn't bothered me. Much."

The little seated girl cheered. "Yay! What's your name, mister?"

"A-Aizawa."

"Mister Aizawa! Maybe you can be mommy's new husband!"

I saw the mother across from us blush as she hid her face with a book. But I wore a confused expression, wondering how either person could see appeal in me—someone who'd never amounted to much besides an underwhelming career in journalism. Even in school, my stern face and even sterner personality kept everyone away. Isolation made me an isolationist; though not someone who'd abscond their humanity.

Well, I gotta shut this girl up before her mom has a heart attack. I flipped to a blank page in my notebook and pulled out a pencil. "Say. You were asking about ponies, right?"

"Mm! I love ponies!"

"I'll draw you one then. Want anything special?"

"Yay! Make it glittery! Big, bushy tail! Diamond hooves!"

"I'll draw a regular horse."

"That works too!"

And with that, I sketched the first small circle for the horse's head. Fine paper helped me stay aligned while I drew ovals for the ribcage and haunches, until curved lines all connected to form a horse's basic shape.

"This might take several minutes," I told the girl.

"Mm-mm! It's already coming out pretty! You're good, Mister Aizawa!"

"Thanks. I wanted to be a manga artist when I was younger, but that didn't exactly work out."

"Why not?"

"Long story. You'd probably get bored."

"Nuh-uh! Mommy tells me stories before bed! Stories are great!"

I couldn't help but smile as I started tracing over lines, sculpting the legs before working on joints. "Not every artist is a great storyteller, and not every storyteller is a great artist."

"But if you're smiling while you're drawing, I think it doesn't really matter. Isn't the point of hobbies to have fun?"

The pencil stopped for me to take in her advice. Heh. This is gonna be one profound girl when she's older.

Ten minutes passed. Scenery outside the train window turned rugged, showing mountainous terrain and deep ravines. Meanwhile, I had a little girl practically drooling over my hand.

"Mister! Is horsie finished?"

"Just about." I tore the paper out and handed it to her. "What do you think?"

Her eyes sparkled. "Oh! Horsie is prettier than I imagined!"

"I added some shading, but it's still basically just a sketch."

"He looks so real though! Like he wants to gallop off the paper! Look, mommy!"

The little girl ran over to her mother and showed off my drawing, hopping like a rabbit. Both of their smiles were enough to make me turn away, unsure if I felt annoyed or happy.

When excitement fizzled, the girl told her mom she was going to the restroom, before dashing down the train aisle.

Huh. Maybe I'll get some peace and quiet no—

"Thanks for humoring my daughter," the woman across the aisle giggled. "She's always been kinda uncontrollable."

Ughhhh . . . "S-She's definitely a handful. But you both should respect others more."

"Sorry, haha." The woman's voice lowered as she snuck into the chair next to me. "Your name is Aizawa, right? Where are you from?"

"Sapporro."

"Oh, Sapporo. I've never been to Hokkaido."

"Neat."

"Do you travel for work?"

"Sometimes."

"Must be nice. I love seeing the countryside like this."

"It's nothing special."

"Do you have your own place?"

"That's private."

"How much money do you earn?"

"Private."

"Geez. You're a hard nut to crack, hehe."

And our conversation continued as I crossed my legs and read notes to pass the time, until I curiously asked a follow-up question. "Wait. How are you afraid of water but love swimming?"

"Now you're curious about me?" she laughed.

"Just seems paradoxical."

"Well, if you really wanna know—I was on my high school's swim team, but almost drowned one time when I acted overconfident. So now I'm wishy-washy about being near water."

"Sorry that happened." Outside my train window, I noticed the scenery change to a deep gorge as we traversed a bridge over glimmering water. "Don't look outside."

"Hmm?" She peered out the window and chuckled. "I'm not so helpless that I freak out when I see lakes."

"You'd hate Hokkaido if you did."

Her shoulder gave mine a soft, gentle nudge. "Still would be nice if someone could take me there sometime. Maybe a date or something."

This girl's dropping every hint possible. Do I care though? Relationships—I'd been in them before—but most just didn't work out. Women in general had trouble being straightforward when it mattered. So I'd learned from experience to always speak your mind even if you came off blunt.

I pulled my sleeve to check my watch: 7:00 PM. There wouldn't be much free time at home, but maybe after writing reports, me and the cat could—

Shaking. It was steady at first—a slow trembling in my seat that shook the tea bottle on my tray. The window beside me rattled. And a senior down the aisle looked up in confusion as fluorescent lights above fluttered.

Passengers all along our train car began muttering: "Earthquake?"

The floor gave a deep, metallic groan as panic set in. The girl near me swiveled around looking for her daughter while overhead luggage began tumbling out. Food was sliding off people's trays when an automated voice kicked in:

"Due to an emergency—"

The train lurched sideways. What sounded like an empire of metal outside began twisting until bolts and screws ricocheted off. Something was happening to our bridge and barely anyone realized it.

Shit! I gripped my armrests tight, gritting teeth. This isn't a tremor! It's the real deal!

Screams erupted when everyone heard glass shatter, and the final screeches of steel sounded—a snap. Followed by the weightlessness of falling sideways.

Through the window I saw an approaching blur as we slammed down into the bottom of the gorge. Water burst into our train car through cracked seams and fractured windows. The impact sliced my ear red before I grasped our situation.

The train righted itself, bobbing like a cork as it slowly started sinking. Inside, emergency lights were flashing red. Passengers scrambled to find escape routes, but each window was small by design, apart from an emergency ceiling hatch. Water rushed up to people's ankles while they all tried jumping for their lives.

"U-Ughhh . . ." I rubbed my temple. Dizzied thoughts were muddied but I remembered the girl sitting beside me. "Are you okay?"

Her glasses had flown off at some point, exposing panicked eyes. "M-My daughter! She's still in the restroom!"

"Crap! Let's go find her!"

We both leapt out of our chairs and ran through rising water. The back of the car had a vestibule with gushing rapids that were now up to our knees.

"It's here!" The woman tried sliding open a locked door. "She's in there!"

"Move!" I pounded on the door with my hand. "Hey! It's me! Open this thing! Are you hurt? Hey!"

No response. Water kept rising around us as other passengers managed to unlock the ceiling's emergency hatch. People were shoving and beating each other to climb out the train, a sheer mob of people mounting one another.

"Go!" I ordered the woman. "I'll get your daughter! Just wait for us on the surface!"

"Huh? I'm not leaving!"

"Do it! I'm gonna try kicking this door in! Trust me!"

There was doubt dancing in her eyes, but she nodded before trudging back through water towards the mob. They'd all need time to escape through that crisis hatch, and it'd be late if we waited until the last moment.

Right. I faced the restroom, heart thumping in my chest. As water rose I rammed my foot into the door. Twice. Thrice. Each strike shuddered and splintered the already old wood, until cracks appeared. Several more kicks finally dislodged the door and let water pour inside.

"Where are you?" Without hesitation I shimmied through rubble and searched around. Flashing red lights in the background let me spot her sitting unconscious in a corner, her head bloodied.

"M-Mister?" she muttered, slowly opening her eyes.

"Yeah! It's me!" I hurried and hugged her out of the water. "Are you okay?"

"I-I think I hit myself . . ."

"You're fine! There was an earthquake! But we gotta go! Now! Before—"

Groaning metal roared as the train car behind ours ruptured. Currents blasted through the hall and flooded the restroom, quickly rising to my chest.

"D-Damnit! Hurry! Latch onto my back!"

The girl nodded and shifted around me like a koala. Her weak cling hinted she was barely holding onto consciousness, not even noticing the raging waters.

Fuck! I floated upwards and found our last air pocket along the ceiling. The restroom would be submerged any second, but gushing rapids were trapping us inside. Seconds remained at best.

"H-Hold your breath!" I told the girl behind me. "Take the deepest breath possible!"

Her chest contracted and expanded, bracing herself.

With a final huff, I took what'd likely be my last breath before rising waters finished devouring us. We were plunged into darkness with just emergency lights twinkling through the depths.

Ghostly red hues guided me along as I swam out from the restroom and back into our car. The grim sight of floating bodies made me shove them away, just to encounter luggage right behind them. Obstacles kept gliding between me and the ceiling's escape hatch.

Need . . . air! I forced myself through seas of floating clothes until my hands felt the rim of an exit. With the train car still sinking, I propelled us through the escape hatch and swam upwards as fast as possible.

Faint light above glimmered—a twilight surface that seemed more unreachable by the second. My swimming started slowing, and I could feel the little girl's grasp around my neck weakening.

Still . . . so far. Gotta breathe! It all felt like painful slow motion—the choking death of water invading my throat. Bubbles erupted outwards before vision began fading. I could only reach up and hope someone would reach back. Please . . . Help me!

Then from above, I saw someone's outline dive beneath the surface. They swam with tact, skill, and purpose. The young mother from earlier had removed her shoes and was shooting straight towards us. Powerful strokes with streamlined kicks accelerated her downwards until the glimmer of her eyes shone.

This was it. I gazed up at the face of a savior, the woman I'd dedicate myself to for saving me. Nothing else mattered. All she needed to do was take my hand and pull us up.

She reached out as she approached, opening her hand. I waited for her to take mine. And waited. And waited. An eternity passed before—

Her hand reached past and pulled her unconscious daughter off me. Without even another glance, they both rocketed back up towards the surface, leaving me behind.

Huh? Why? Surprised. Hurt. Disappointed. I didn't even resist anymore. My body floated down, down into the deep abyss. Dark depths welcomed me where sun didn't shine.

Everything went black.