My Crazy American Uncle

Sora 0754 April 16th, 2046

Sara and I are silent in the car. Had Uncle Sam not honked when he did, we’d of kept at it, but we know better than to test him while he’s driving. Especially when he’s going through Tokyo traffic.“Not even eight o’clock, and traffic is already worse than Detroit at rush hour,” he says with disappointment in his voice. He says that a lot. Not sure how bad the traffic is in Detroit, but apparently, Tokyo is worse.

“Seems about right for a Monday morning to me,” Tobias says, a bit cheerful. “That’s what I’d say if I were a passenger too.” Uncle Sam says back, “Just wait till you get your license, and you have to deal with these morons.”

“Why would I drive when the train is so much better for getting around the city?” Tobias says in reply.

“Because you’re an American and more than that you’re a Michigander where, like the rest of the midwest, we won’t even think of flying if the drive is less than 5 hours.” Five hours seems like a pretty long drive. I’ve heard that some flights are shorter than that. “Anyway Sora, Sara, I’m assuming your father already gave you a long spiel about how this school is a great opportunity, and Uncle Sam did a lot to get you enrolled and how if you are anything less than perfect students you’ll disgrace the family forever, etc., etc. right?”.

“Yes, GoKegawa-san,” we say in unison.

“Well, I know how Asato-san is-.... Wait, why are you calling me GoKegawa-sama? You know I like to hear Uncle Sam.”

“Father said that we should get in the habit of calling you by your given name instead since we’re not kids anymore and should start treating you with the respect you’re due.” Sara answers.

“What, why would he do that? He, of all people, knows how much I like to hear it.” Uncle Sam says

“ That’s what I said,'' I remember it like it was yesterday because it was yesterday. Father sat us down to make sure we fully understood the weight of the opportunity and how we need to honor it by doing our best and yadda yadda etc., etc. took him like 2 hours to get through his whole spiel. I kind of tuned out about halfway through but couldn’t pull my classic sleeping with open eyes trick cause Sara would keep pinching me. I’m pulled out of my train of thought by Sara again pinching my side just in time to hear Uncle Sam mutter something about the rigid Japanese class structure.

“Ok, well, if he’s gonna be like that, then you can call me whatever he’s told you to while he’s around, but if it’s just me, then keep with Uncle Sam, ok?”

“Ok,” we say in unison once more.

“And I just want you two to relax a bit. Yes, you need to do well, but honestly, I did it more for Tobias than you. How could I send him to a new elite school without three of his four brain cells, haha” he and I chuckle at his joke. The man is a comedy genius, and not even his own son can seem to realize it. “But in all seriousness, kids, I know you’re gonna have a great time here and if any of you have issues with any of the other students or teachers, come to me, and I’ll take care of it with some good old American muscle.” He flexes his right arm revealing the outline of his bicep.

“Yes, Uncle Sam.” “Yes, dad,” we all say together.

“Ok then, looks like I got my point across and not a moment too soon,” he says as we pull into the school’s parking lot. We pull up to a front building, and dad hands the keys to the velvet. “You three go where you need to go. I’ll see you at the opening,” we all wave before heading to the ceremony.

The three of us make it to the gym where the opening is taking place. We head to the school boards that tell us our class. “Do you think we’ll all three be in the same class?” Sora asks.

“We could be, for the most part,” Tobias says back.

“Yeah, even if we’re in the same homeroom, we’ll be in different language classes,” Sara replies. “What languages did you get, Tobias-Kun?”

“Japanese, English, and French,” he says.

“Of course, you would get those three. I bet you even got into the advanced classes for each,” she replies. As I heard it, In this school, Tuesdays and Thursdays are called language days. As part of the application, you have to select what languages you’re proficient in and then take a test to determine which of the three levels you’ll be placed in. Japanese plus one other language is required, and a third is available for students that can handle it. I took the tests for Japanese and English. The Japanese test was pretty simple, even for jr. high. The English test was a bit trickier, but thanks to being around Uncle Sam all the time, I’ve picked up on quite a bit of English. I made intermediate easy, maybe even advanced. “I don’t know, yet I hear they have those classes on the boards as well,” Tobias says as we continue to walk. The closer we get, the more students seem to gather. All dressed in our simple black uniforms. Japanese, along with a swirl of languages, can be heard in the courtyard as students speak a mix of world and regional languages and dialects. We make it to the boards and look for our names.

On the boards are a mix of writing organized by alphabet. I quickly pick out Latin and Japanese. There were many more up there, but they could’ve been random lines and slashes for all I knew. I scan the list of Japanese names for a moment before seeing Sara and my names. “Look, there we Japanese, 1-3” Sara jumps and points,

“Oh, look, Tobias-Kun, you are in our class.” I look to where she’s pointing. Wait, why is he with the English names… Oh, right, he’s American. Of course, he’d be there. We all high-five to us being in the same class.” Awesome,” I cheer.

“Let’s go check the language boards to see if we’re all in the same English class. The others agree, and we move onto the language boards. Here each board is written in their respective languages, and I quickly find my name in advanced Japanese but can’t find it in advanced or even intermediate English. “Am I an idiot, or is my name not on either of these boards?” I ask the other two. I see Tobias pointing at the beginner English board.

“You are indeed a moron, moron.” I look, and there it is, my name on the beginner English board.

“What? What is this? How am I on the beginner English board? I’ve been listening to your dad talk since birth, and I’ve been listening to those American rock bands. How am I in this class?”

“Oh yeah,” Tobias says, cracking a smile, “Both those are good sources of perfect English. No slang to be found in either of them.”

“I’ll show you slang,” I say, half-heartedly charging at him. Sis steps between us and pushes my face up.

“No time for that, now boys, the bell for the ceremony is going. We need to get to the gym” I take a moment and listen, and I do indeed hear the bell. Sis lets my face down, and I look at Tobias pointing a finger.

“You’re lucky my impulse control is here otherwise… I’d…. uhh…..bahh, you know I’d think of something,” I stamper out. Usually, the words just come to me, but they aren’t today.

“Too bad we don’t have all day for you to come up with a comeback,” Tobias says as he runs up to sis and grabs her hand to pull her away.

“I only need a minute to kick your butt. How about that,” I call behind them as we all run to the gym.

The three of us make our way into the gym. It’s louder than the courtyard with the echo. We take our seats and make small talk. I ask Tobias if he thinks there’ll be any cute girls in our class, but he seems distracted somehow. I look over at sis, and she’s also daydreaming. I lose my train of thought as Uncle Sam enters the gym. I can hear him as he laughs with someone else. Ah, he must be with Mr. Adems, I think, as I’ve only ever heard him this loud when he’s talking with other Americans. I’m not the only one who takes note of this as I hear a kid behind us mutter. “Typical American yelling as they enter a room.” I look behind me and see a skinny blond kid with the union jack on his right Canadian; I think to myself as I pull Tobias over. I whisper

“If you wanna jump him, I’m game,” into his ear. He turns and pushes me off, saying,

“You’ve said worse to my face,” he responds.

“Yeah, but I’m your bro, so you know it comes from a place of love.” we poke at each other for a moment before a woman comes up to the podium tapping on the microphone telling everyone to please take their seats as the ceremony was about to begin.

The sound of creaking chairs can be heard for a moment before the gym is quiet. An older Japanese man takes to the podium introducing himself as Naegi Natsuo, the principal. He welcomes all the students and parents that have come today, saying what an honor it is to be trusted to mold minds from all over the world and how he pledged to do all in his power to make sure each student gets the best education they possibly can. Blah blah blah, he talks for a good long while before passing it on to the heads of each language. It’s at this point that the room begins to spin, and the lack of sleep from the night before sneaks up on me. So I employ my old trick. Sleeping with my eyes open. I’m not sure when I learned it, but I do it well enough to fool most people so long as they don’t look right at me. I’m not sure why but I still have a vague sense of where I am even when I do it. I think I read somewhere that dolphins sleep with only half of their brain at a time, so I think I might be doing something like that. The only problem is that I’m slow to react, and if I’m called on, I’m dead meat. The rest of the ceremony goes by pretty quickly after I start, and I think I’m in the clear till I feel a hand on my shoulder.

“Wha- no sensei, I wasn’t sleeping my eyes we- oh it’s just you,” I say as I see Tobias standing over me.

“Ahh, you seem surprised. Did you manage to dream of something other than me for once?” he taunts.

“Yeah, I dreamed that you had formed into a complete person, and I was so proud.” I shoot back,

“You would dream of something small like that, wouldn’t you.” We both chuckle, and he says we’ve been dismissed to our classrooms. I stand, stretch and then follow them to our class 1-3. As we enter, we see the seating arrangement on the board. I scan it seeing Tobias and Sara next to each other on the teacher’s right near the back. I then see my name near the back by the window.

“Yes,” I cheer with a fist pump, “I got the window seat in the back. Ya know what that means?” I ask, looking at Tobias.

“The teacher will have to change your seat to keep you from daydreaming all day?” he shoots back.

“No, moron, it means I’m the main character.”

“How do you figure that?” he asks.

“It’s simple,” I say, taking a thinking man pose. “Think of every manga and anime you can. The main character is always seated last or second to last by the window.”

“Isn’t that so that they can keep from having to draw the class behind them all the time?” he asks.

“That doesn’t matter,” I say, keeping my positive attitude. “The seat always attracts the main character energies, so don’t worry, I’ll make sure to keep whatever devastating monsters away from the two of you as best I can. You’ll only die for plot development so I can break through my limits and take down the big bad in the season finale.”

“Do manga even have season finales?” He asks skeptically.

“There will be in mine, and it shall be glorious,” I say, puffing out my chest. I notice a few cute girls eyeing my display and flex a bit to let them know I know that I see them. They quickly turn away and giggle, obviously impressed by my esteemed physique.

I take a few more poses before the door slides open and the teacher walks in. “Take your seats,” he calls as I rush to my desks. He sets his books on the podium and looks at the class with his emerald eyes before taking the chalk and writing out his name. “I am your homeroom teacher Kuroba Fumiya, but you will call me Fumiya sensei or just sensei. Is that clear?”.

“Yes,” we all say attentively.

“I primarily teach Japanese here, and as you all may or may not know, the classes are more or less split up by language. Everyone in this class has been deemed fluent in Japanese, so all your classes will be taught in Japanese. If at any time you don’t understand another teacher or me, please do not hesitate to raise your hand and ask. If you feel that you have been placed in a class above your ability, please let the teacher know, and we can begin the paperwork to transfer you. Looking around, I doubt that will be an issue for most of you.” What could he mean by that? I wonder for a moment before he moves on, “Any questions so far?” He asks as he peers around the room, his eyes darting from student to student. After a moment, he again speaks. “Very well then, all that’s left for today is introductions and voting on classroom positions. So in class order, please come up to the podium say your name, nation of origin, and one interesting fact about yourself or your family. If you have questions, please raise your hands. If you don’t feel comfortable answering a question, then don’t. Nobody is forced to share what they don’t wish to”. He turns and pulls down a world map. “If you would like to use the map, then feel free,” He then walks over to the side and takes a seat on the stool set for him. Oh boy, this’ll be fun, I think, as the first student makes their way up.