Hate Or Love

The next day. The sky was cloudy and gray.

Kazuma, who had dark eye bags, was on his way to school.

“...”

He was still lost in thoughts after the piece of information he received yesterday night from Yui. Due to that, he was depressed and could not get any sleep.

“Why...”

As he muttered something, he remembered their conversation from yesterday.

“S-s-she has a f-fiance?!” he stuttered.

“D-don't tell me that you didn't know.” Yui said in shock.

“...”

Kazuma was speechless.

“...”

“...”

“Ehm, hello?” she asked to finally break the silence.

But Kazuma still did not talk. He just stood there like a tree.

Not having an idea, how to change the mood or topic, she became nervous and fidgety.

“Then goodbye, I guess?” she said, trying to escape this situation.

“...”

Still no response. But he slightly nodded and then went home.

“Ugh, what now?”

When Kazuma exited the house, Yui massaged her forehead with her fingers. She realized that she may have stepped on a huge landmine. She pondered about how she could cheer him up. But, it was pointless. She knew that an optimistic talk would be ineffective because in the end, it was just idealistic. He had to face reality.

“Whatever. I guess, I will help him see this through.” she decided while sighing.

Not wanting to see her friend in despair, she would try to help him get over his crush.

“Hmmm, maybe I should set up a mixer.” she mused in a soliloquy as she had one idea after another.

In the meantime, Kazuma arrived at his home.

He had lifeless eyes and a weak posture contrasting his usually more confident one. Not caring about his shoes or clothes, he went straight to bed with his back facing the ceiling and his face buried in his pillow.

“...a fiance, huh?” he murmured with a self-deprecating smirk.

“...damn it... damn it... damn it...” he repeated.

Pow.

“Damn it all!” he shouted after he stood up and threw his pillow against the wall.

“Just why... why is everything so unfair...?”

As he asked himself, his eyes became watery and tears flowed down his cheeks.

During his despair, a thought popped up in his mind.

“Why didn't she say that she had a fiance when I confessed to her? She had so many chances...”

Thinking about her fiance and what possible reasons she had for not telling him, he had feelings of anger, jealousy, annoyance, helplessness, betrayal, sadness and even hatred. He was a mess.

Having his heart utterly broken, he sat on the hard and cold ground as he leaned on the edge of his bed.

Until the birds chirped in the morning, he did not move an inch nor did he sleep.

Back in the present, Kazuma arrived at the school gates. With his eyes still being lifeless, he staggered as if he was drunk. Even though his whole demeanor showed that he wanted to be left alone, there was a person who still approached him.

“Are you alright, Ichinose-kun?” the person asked worried.

It was Tachibana Emma. The person he wanted to meet the least.

In this moment, he wanted to vent out his feelings, to shout at her, to blame her for everything and to hate her. But he could not.

When he saw her face, he knew that she was genuinely worried about him. Her caring attitude was one of many aspects he loved about her. Therefore, he was conflicted. Should he hate her or can he still love her? It was impossible to choose both so he made his decision.

Kazuma took a deep breath and corrected his posture. Now his eyes slowly returned to its usual look and he stood straight and confident again. He tried to show a slight smile.

“I'm fine, thanks.”

Yet it hurt saying it. He was not fine at all. As much as he tried to love her, there was still hatred lingering in him. He clenched his fists.

“Do you have a fiance?” he blurted out accidentally.

Thinking about what he said, his eyes were wide open out of shock and he covered his mouth with one hand in panic.

Emma was also shocked by this sudden question as her eyes were also wide open.

“E-ehm, yes, I do...” she said with a rather sad smile.

“I-I see...” he replied.

“You must surely hate me for not telling you sooner, don't you?”

“...” he looked away.

Kazuma could not or rather did not want to reply due to her words holding some truth in it. For now, it was difficult for him to either hate or love her.

“You may not believe me but I was not toying with your feelings! It's just a little bit complicated right now...” she said.

“I understand...”

No, he did not understand. Kazuma may have no rights nor the bravery to pry into her private affairs but he wanted to know the truth and the reason for his rejection after confessing earnestly. However, he could not ask in this moment when he saw her usually joyful smile was now a sad one.

There was a moment of silence between the two until a certain person arrived.

“Oh, if this ain't Emma!”

Kazuma turned around to see who the person was and he saw a blonde boy with slicked back hair and golden eyes with matching earrings. In contrast to himself, the boy wore his school uniform rather sluggish. His necktie was loose and his shirt was neither buttoned up at the top nor tucked into his pants. Overall, he had the impression of a delinquent.

Seeing a delinquent, Kazuma's eyes instinctively switched to being hateful.

“Wanna pick a fight?” the boy asked, feeling provoked.

“Please stop, Ken-kun!” Emma requested.

“You know him or what?”

“...” she did not answer.

“Ah, I see! He must be the loser who constantly confesses to you, right?” he deduced.

He laughed so hard, he had to hold his stomach with both of his arms. Whereas Emma and Kazuma did not change their previous expressions and remained serious.

“Ichinose Kazuma, right? I will give you one advice: Stay away from Emma from now on.” the boy said fiercely.

“Who are you?” Kazuma asked without an ounce of fear.

“He is-” before Emma could finish her sentence the boy interrupted her.

“I am Kirisaki Ken. Her fiance.” he said while grinning.

“!"

Kazuma was shocked and it was visible on his face. First of all, he did not expect that her fiance attended the same school and secondly, he could not comprehend why a guy who looked like a delinquent was her fiance.

“Ahaha, nice reaction! How about this? As compensation I will introduce you to some girls! Ain't I just wonderful?” Ken continued to laugh.

“Stop it...” Emma begged.

“Stop? It's fine, right? Look. He isn't crying and is just standing there doing nothing at all. Maybe he is deaf or something.”

“...al... calm...” Kazuma muttered.

“Did you say something?” Ken stopped laughing.

“Calm down...” Kazuma said as he held his right arm tightly.

“Hm?” Ken was irritated.

Kazuma was in agony. He had a bad past with delinquents, hence his mood would get changed abruptly when he saw them. Not wanting to show the other side of him to Emma, he clenched his right fist until blood came out. He had to remember the incidents that occurred in the past to calm down his thirst for fights. Then, his expression changed and it was now sorrowful and full of regret.

“The hell? What an oddball.” Ken commented.

“Hey! What are you three doing there? Classes already started!” a teacher approached them.

“Oh, we are sorry. We will immediately return to our classes.” Emma said with a serious expression.

While she talked with the teacher, Ken walked over to Kazuma.

“Meet me behind the gym after school. No running away, you hear me?” he whispered.

“...”

Kazuma did not respond and walked away.

Then, Kazuma held his hand on his mouth. Back then, he promised to himself that he would not seek fights anymore. Sadly, humans were weak if they strongly longed or lusted for something. It did not matter how strong-willed they were. If for example people who love sweets decided to not eat any sweets for one month, they could not withstand it anymore and eat sweets if they are shown some seductive good looking sweets in spite of their pledge to not eat them for one month.

When he saved Emma, it was to protect her. So he justified his actions as a good cause. But now he had the urge to beat Ken up. He hated Ken. He was jealous of him. He just wanted to beat him up right now. Kazuma had not experienced such a strong feeling for a long time already.

Maybe this marked his comeback to that world. No. He had to stay true to his words. He knew that his past was a mistake so he saw no reason to commit the same mistake again.

And yet he covered his mouth the whole time to hide his agitated grin.