"From the Muddy Flats to the Frozen Valley"

"Still Entrenched in a Foreign Land"

Lynn is an interesting character to say the least. After our escapade from the last 'skater' shop, I became slightly more calm around Lynn. Realizing what she had done, and realizing that my own reputation might be at risk, I also realized that Lynn is a different person than expect. My mind had shifted, no longer was I more paranoid but now at this moment I'm more curious. I kind of want to understand this girl a little bit more. As we continued to walk around, Lynn starts to ask me more personally questions which are a continuation of out conversation on the bus.

I initiate her curiosity with some context of my friendships, "I met my friend Nathan back in elementary school, we were always very close and loved to have fun and creative adventures with each other." I exposit my past onto her. I begin my history with the 'Nathan Narrative' as we were walking toward a less populated area of the mall.

"What kind of adventures?" Contrary to her ingenuine and more laid back attitude, her eyes lock with mine and her voice tones down, hinting to me that maybe she really is curious as to what I have to say. The beam of her curiosity shines a warm feeling into me, I can only assume this is what it feels like to actually be listened to. It's quite contrasting to someone who just nods their head and says "yeah" after every seven phrases.

I oblige myself to elaborate further, "Well, we used to make up little stories in our head. You can think of it as role-playing, in our minds we would explore weird worlds, meet funny people, and be heroes with swords and guns. It was a fun time, our classmates rather beat the shit out of each other in a game of dodgeball, but we enjoyed doing our thing instead." I explain my story.

"And what about your friend Luis?" As she asked that, It flew past me that I even mentioned Luis, this situation has made me think of him so it's unusual I would forget mentioning his name. 

The thought soon surges, "Luis was always the person I could actually adventure with. Our fun was not just made up stories in our head, but we traveled far and wide throughout all of Los Angeles taking the bus. Luis enjoyed sports and I just enjoyed talking, that would seem to make the two of us incompatible but it worked somehow." As I was telling my story I take a look at the cheap wrist watch that I own. It's the only form of telling time that I have, my mother isn't really crazy about smartphones so I haven't been able to get my hands on one yet. Hopefully, I can eventually convince her to purchase one, or manage to get one myself.

"Are you still friends with those two now?" She asked as I finished checking my watch.

I look back up at her, I feel a slight smile from my face, "Me and Nathan still hang around, the only things that he thinks about nowadays are sex, insecurities, and video games. On the other hand, I haven't heard from Luis in a while, that is because we go to different high schools. Last time that I saw him was this past summer, I miss being able to talk to him during school." I wrap up my narrative, Lynn gave me a genuine sense of listening that I felt I have never achieved before. I feel like a bulb being lit for the first time in years. I don't know why but I have this sense of excitement, like talking about myself to another person is the highlight of my day. It's a strange sense of excitement, and to others this would make them nervous and paranoid, but right now I feel somewhat on top of the world. 

Our mall trip felt magical in a sense, and trust me the shoplifting incident was not a one time thing. After we talked for a while she told me her shoplifting methods and out of curiosity I join her in the heist. A little uncomfortable with the situation I just cover things up for her and window shop as she stuffs her bags with items from many prestigious and ridiculously over-priced stores. We spend hours at the mall, it even shocked me when the sun went down how Lynn is still allowed to be out. I started to question things about her home life. She wears nice clothes, gets good grades, and seems to act somewhat proper in public. All of those qualities dignify a well-mannered and well-raised individual. However, seeing her more secretive side such as shoplifting and forcing an average boy from class to come out of his shell a little, it makes me wonder what is truly the story behind Lynn. Who is that girl?

"A New Ally in the Near East"

"I still don't understand why you need to drag me around campus with you." A snappy voice from a snappy person, right now I'm speed walking through the depressing hallways of our shared campus with Jennifer trying to find a more private area to speak with her. I come across a couple of empty tables in the back of a square courtyard and proceed to establish our position there. Grabbing Jennifer was not my plan of action, originally I would have rather spoken to Ashley, though circumstance has revealed that Ashley is absent from school today, with no phone I have no other means to communicate with her on this pressing issue. 

As I guide her toward my intended seating arrangement, I open up about the intention of this urgent conference, "Listen, I need to speak to you in private about 'girl issues.'" I explain to her my concern and brace for impact.

We take a seat and she then replies to my calling, "Johnny...I haven't had a boyfriend in a long time, plus knowing you, you do not have the guts nor the balls to dare make it far with any girl." Her snappy remark succeeds in making me feel more insignificant, but I can not let it negate me from finding some answers.

"Oh come on Jen, you know something about dating a girl even if you haven't dated anybody in a long time." Realizing that my statement out of context sounds sort of embarrassing, I see a split second of blushing on Jennifer's behalf prior to her wiping it away in the blink of an eye. 

She sighs, "Fine, I'll give you one piece of advice that correlates specifically to you." She says with her eyes closed and chin raised.

"What is it?" I say impatiently as I wait eagerly for the answer.

"Stop overthinking, just go with the flow for once damnit. Your 'intellectual' ass self always has to analyze and strategize the most pointless situations. Can you not just throw that shit away for once." Jennifer meets my desire for an answer with something quite plain, simple, yet correct. Initially, I give her an interested look as a false sense of listening while I think about my disbelief in her advice to me. Then it dawns on me...I do think too much.

"Well how do I just stop thinking?" My tone of voice does come out as 'sassy' but I'm genuinely curious to see what her suggestion might be.

"Johnny, you are a massive turn off. Instead of being proactive, you are reactive to every situation." She explains to me with a typical Jennifer lexicon, however even for someone who has studied the English language extensively, I cannot seem to digest the meaning behind what she just stated.

With some hesitating thought, I being to realize that she's probably telling me to 'take charge' more, which for a person such as myself I have no idea how to achieve that. With my new found hypothesis on Jennifer's words, I resume my questioning, "How the hell do I become a leader?" I ask her in the most sufficient way I could imagine. As I bathe in my curiosity, she proceeds to violently grasp my right shoulder, quite urgently I might add, and pushes me toward the left side of me which sits an empty land of asphalt. While I am imprisoned in daze and confusion, she points toward the direction she faced me.

"Take three steps forward." She firmly demands of me.

"Uh why?" I ask her in total confusion.

"Just do it." She reaffirms her mandate, her tone of voice sounds void of humanity as she delegates her command.

"Fuck that, if you won't give me a reason to take three steps forward, then I won't do it." I react to her firm mandate with my own conditions. I must know the meaning behind her command before I dare act upon it. I will put my foot down and not stand for this random request.

With nearly a look of relief she speaks to me, "Alright, you're capable of becoming a man." Her tone of voice has shifted from lack of humanity to subtle astonishment.

"What the fuck? What is even happening right now." My confusion gets the best of me, I don't fully understand the meaning behind the situation I participated in, and frankly I don't understand Jennifer's tonal shifts. I give her a concerned look and a sweaty face.

"Johnny, you have to lead yourself. If you do what people tell you, especially if they give you no reason to do it, you must deny it. You overthink still, even now you were nervous and confused because your mind was probably racing with hundreds of unrealistic and random theories about my intentions." She explains in clear detail the purpose of her experiment, and with astonishment I reciprocate a bland face of little amusement.

"I am still not following." I am still not following, she explained the purpose of her experiment, but maybe my selective understanding is obstructing the path to comprehending what Jennifer is trying to accomplish. She says that I think too many unnecessary thoughts, but what if she truly did have a negative intention with her actions. 

With a violent sigh she looks down at the ground and once again places her hand on my right shoulder, however this time it's not a violent grasp but more like a proper placement, "If you want to be better at things, be more reasonable with what you think about them," she speaks to me more genuinely than I ever could imagine, "You're almost there, you just need to get rid of that hesitation of yours."

I understand a little more about what she is showing me, I need to think more reasonably about my situations. She isn't telling me not to think like I initially assumed, yet she is trying to teach me to think more rationally so I don't overwhelm my mind with unrealistic possibilities. I never knew how philosophical this girl could be, nor did I understand my way of thought could be so restrictive to how I live life. I don't know how much I can change, but I do know that I have to at least attempt. 

With her final statement, I give her my acceptance, "Alright, I will try to lose my hesitation." As I express that I can barely see a shimmer of glow on Jennifer's typically cold face. Yet, just like prior positive expressions, she wipes this one clean off.

Jennifer then lifts her left sleeve to reveal a wristwatch of her own, she checks it in the same fashion I check mine, "Well, I got somewhere to be before next period, so I have to catch you later." I scratch my head to the fact she has a wristwatch, "see you later Johnny." 

She nearly exits the area just as fast as she approached, before she makes it too far I respond, "See you later Jen." I send a small wave as I stand in thought, she doesn't return one and rushes off into the vast campus. 

I stand there, lost in a world of thought. I think to myself, 'I have to stop overthinking.' Then I think, 'but I have to think, it saves me.' Nearly forgoing what Jennifer has implied, I sit there thinking, 'what the fuck?' Life is awful funny isn't it? Everyone is just filled with nonsense including yourself, but only you can make sense to yourself sometimes. I guess I have to focus on my mental accuracy rather than thinking of every single possibility of every single situation. Jennifer wants me to think in a way that is efficient and precise to the situation at hand. Sometimes it takes a minute of reflection to understand simple things.

At that moment I decided to walk around for the remainder of lunch. The school that I attend is seemingly vacant throughout the day, but that is the illusion of the desolate areas where little students venture to. I am alone here, a damp courtyard with minimal sunlight. It's been two weeks since I hung out with Lynn, and my nervousness prevented me from initiating another event with her. I'm in a state of mental crisis. Here I pace, sandwiched between two buildings, the one just forward of me, that has a cutout in the center to allow passageway is known as the 'art building' due to the high concentration of art based courses which occur there. Many of the school's prototype murals call this building their home. To me it was a foreign land of a distinct culture. The building behind me and to my right are just more classes, classes that I am not familiar with. As I enter the cutout of the art building and look onto the greater lanes of buildings ahead of me, I depress my head downward. The strange tiled concrete and strange flora of weeds and dandelions are foreign to me. Yet, this floor is familiar in some kind of deeper way. The school has continuity to it, you know the border of the school, you know the architecture of the school, you know the types of weeds and materials you can discover within the gates. The school keeps the same style and influence throughout the campus and always feels like itself. It is always amazing how micro-cultures can evolve in a place like this. Every school has nicknames for different distinguished areas, and every student knows a little about the terrain and geography of those areas. The education system managed to create societies within these schools, students adapt to the campus and develop their own traditions and customs. It's most likely the reason why transitioning to a new school is so difficult, it's almost the same as adjusting to a new country.

I continued to walk into another building. As I traverse the internal hallway I find myself in a familiar place where I have two classes. The hallways are partially occupied by loitering students and to my surprise I run into Nathan.

"Hey what's up bitch?" Nathan begins our exchange. Both Nathan and I are attributed for our vulgar-ness which may contribute to our unattractiveness. 

"Hey, what's up Nathan?" I reply to his greeting, we then participate in a secret friend handshake, and follow it up with a 'man hug.'

"Ah nothing man, just been hanging around here since you and Jen weren't at the table today." As he finishes his sentence he pulls me a little closer and speaks softer, "You know that one girl Diana right?"

At my average volume of voice I question his question, "Ramirez or Torres?" I do know more Diana's, that is a common name in our school and our city. 

Nathan gives me an excited smile, "Diana Torres, she's so nice, and she's so good looking. I love the books that I catch her reading man and sometimes I just want to spark conversation with her." He expresses himself like a child excited about Christmas.

Realizing which Diana he was referring too I grew a concerned look and made direct eye contact with him, "Well man, I don't think it would be a good idea to speak to her. Nate, she's Pablo's little sister, the senior," I then quiet my voice, "I heard he bangs too." I have to make Nathan realize the concept and principle of consequences, however when the man is in love he is in love and it's difficult to enforce anything on him.

"Yeah I know that, but I still would want to go for it. I probably won't do anything, but thinking of her excites me." Nathan speaks presumably his last words on the planet. In my mind I'm writing a sermon for his funeral as he gushes over Diana Torres. I'm thinking about sharing some philosophical theories on the complexities of human sexual behaviors relative to science.

With those words I give him my farewell, "Alright Nathan, I wish you luck that you won't act on your fantasy." With that I begin to walk the opposite direction as my next class was toward the front end of the school. 

"I won't man, I'm too shy anyway." He nearly shouts to me as I retreat from our engagement. I feel like he's only going to further lock his fate six feet under the ground.

There are some ideas on why people are so excitable about sex and relationships, especially at my age. It's known that sex is a survival instinct, as well as the desire for family and relationships. It's all about advantage in numbers and reproducing to further the species' existence. Yet, some believe there is more to it, something special maybe. People believe there is some sort of magic to the idea of love and romance. Sex is often referred to as 'making love' and that nomenclature exemplifies the societal attitude toward sex as a whole. To society, sex is a part of love, but what is 'love?' Beside being a popular song by Haddaway released in 1992, it's a chemical reaction in our body to enact the aforementioned survival instincts. Sex education teaches us all about the pituitary gland etc. That is exactly what love is; hormones. It's simply hormones that encourage you to fuck to create another person. Additionally, sex is said to feel good. Sex feels good, and 'love' feels good. It's a reward for following and accepting instinct, a trap you could call it. Maybe I'm a hypocrite, because maybe I just want some love.