Strange Tests

“Master Qiin. The chosen warriors have arrived.” There was something in the way the monk spoke. A hint of disdain as he said the words “chosen” and “warriors”.

They had arrived in a large hall with rows of pews and an altar at the end. There, another monk stood. He was far more elaborately dressed, a white robe that was decorated with stars and moons at the hem of the robe.

“Ah, thank you, brother Renard.” As that Qiin monk spoke, he opened his arms wide. Even more stars and moons became visible at the edges of his sleeves. In addition to his welcoming gesture, his voice sounded friendly as well, if a bit rough. Qiin wore his hair short. He was not shaven bald. If he replaced the robes with a suit, he could lead a business meeting.

“Welcome to the temple of Luaria. You are here-”

“To save your world, yeah, yeah, we know,” Tommy said. There was a lot of irritation in his voice.

I can’t really blame him.

“Correct. The ritual should have enhanced talents you already had before.”

I don’t feel any different, though.

“One of you has a talent for the sword,” Qiin said, as if he wanted to sell the idea. His eyes wandered over them and he arrived at the pseudo dwarf.

Figures. Though he’d probably like an ax more to keep with his role.

The pseudo dwarf—he didn’t really want to call him by the name he’d given—seemed to look overly proud.

Then again, maybe not.

“Another one of you is a nimble thief.”

Is he really selling us jobs from a Dungeons and Dragons game?

Qiin didn’t look at any one in particular, as if he hadn’t settled on whom he’d give that class to.

Who could it be?

The office lady didn’t seem at all like someone that could be a thief. The pseudo dwarf was the warrior already. Maybe Tommy’s girlfriend? Tommy himself?

Don’t even think of making me into a thief!

“There is a skilled archer among you, and a cunning wizard.” Qiin kept the dungeon master speech going, walking from side to side.

I wonder how they’re going to do the magic thing. Though I have to say, if this is “Big Brother – DnD-Edition,” it’s an interesting concept. Well, I’d do both of those jobs.

“And then there is the most important job of them all. The one of you that will carry the connection to the gods. The one that encourages you all, heals your wounds and leads the way.”

A priest or a priestess. That seemed like a good job for the office lady.

“Now it’s time that we determine, who of you has gotten which talent. Let’s get the most important job out of the way first.” Qiin looked intently at them. “One of you is a virgin. Please, step forward.”

It got quiet. Absolutely quiet. Not a single soul stepped forward. Of course Tommy and his girlfriend had done the deed. But the office lady? She could’ve had children already. The pseudo dwarf?

Am I really the only one who hadn’t been in bed with the opposite gender? Or even the same gender? What the hell?

He wouldn’t step forward. He didn’t want to admit that he, a man, hadn’t had the opportunity. Why was it almost expected from society that men had done it as early as possible, and women hadn’t for as long as possible?

That just didn’t make any sense. And yet he felt bound by these strange rules of earthen society.
Qiin bowed down to brother Renard and whispered something into his ears. The bald monk left the room with quick steps.

“I am sure that the ritual hasn’t failed,” Qiin told them. “But it seems that you’re somehow afraid of being a virgin, even if saving yourself for the gods and goddesses is one of the greatest virtues.”

Still not believing in gods. And saving myself for them? Are you crazy?

“Brother Renard is fetching the purity stone for us. It will give us the answer we seek. Until then, we can start answering some of the other questions.” Qiin shook his head, and turned directly to the pseudo dwarf. “You seem like a warrior to me. Do you think that you have talent with the sword?”

“I, Torvald Greysword, warrior of the-”

Qiin held up a hand. “It seems to me that you’re not taking the situation seriously.”

But of course not. This is all just ridiculous. Maybe if you had briefed us beforehand, we’d act more in accordance to your show.

“I expect you to speak your real name,” the monk said. He stared intently at the pseudo dwarf, who finally gave in.

“I’m Ralf. Ralf Meiser. I thought you’d want me to stay in character?”

Okay, Ralf. I believe that’s your real name. And I have to agree that Torvald fits you a lot better.

“Very well, Ralf,” Qiin said. “Are you capable of wielding a sword?”

“I think so.”

“Then we shall provide you with the sword Dragon Tooth. From hence forth you’ll be known as Dragon Warrior Ralf.”

You’re really doing your best to make this sound weird. No one will watch your weird little show, if you pull stunts like these. Torvald here is an experienced role player. Keep his name suggestion, damn it!

While Ralf looked extremely proud, Renald returned with a red velvet pillow. On it was one hunk of a jewel. It could have been a diamond, which meant that it probably was made of glass. The production value of the show just couldn’t be large enough to bring in a real diamond of that size.

“Now we will answer the first question,” Qiin said and lifted the stone with his bare hands of the pillow.

Definitely not a real one, or he would’ve used gloves.

He gave it to Ralf, who looked at it in wonder.

“Please, hand it to the next person.”

Ralf walked to the office lady and handed it to her. Again, nothing happened. She shrugged and walked over to him.

He took the stone and it suddenly began to glow.

How? Even if they’re using LEDs, I should have seen some kind of power source. Or circuit board. There was nothing. Maybe induction?

He walked away from the spot he was standing in, but the white glow didn’t subside.

“Please, follow brother Renard,” Qiin said. There was a strange grin on his face. Why didn’t he seem surprised at all?

“Please, come with me, chosen one,” the bald monk said.

He didn’t move. What was happening here? Was this maybe really another world? Was this magic? How could they tell his virginity by just having him hold a glass stone?

The bald monk tucked at his arm. He moved only slowly, very slowly, still holding the glowing gem.

“Now. Which one of you thinks they can work a bow?” Qiins words faded behind him. If this really was another world. Then … What were these priests doing? Shouldn’t they give everyone a bow, have all of them shoot an arrow three times or more and select the best?

“There’s no need to be afraid,” Renard said next to him. He still managed to sound everything but emphatic.

“No need to be afraid?” He turned on the monk, his voice raising an octave. “You’re going to put me into a priests robe, while I have absolutely no idea what a priest does?”

“It will come to you naturally. I am sure.” That was the first time he sounded as if he really believed what he was saying. And that creeped him out even more.