Iwao and his despair

Head felt heavy as the pouring rain outside wouldn't stop. After getting up, Iwao started to think of the night he had before, or rather the nightmare he had. While he was doing that, he was getting ready to go to high-school. 

All that he did everyday – eating breakfast, brushing his teeth, getting dressed, doing his hair, and walking to the school – felt like an automatism. In the search for efficacy and perfection in his actions, he repeated everything so much that he had basically become a robot. 

But after that night, the robot crashed. Iwao didn’t eat his breakfast, he didn’t get his hair perfectly done like every day. His hair was messy. And on top of that, he arrived late at school.

At the end of the hallway, the athletic build of Iwao was all that could be seen. His black hair was floating in the air as he ran toward his classroom. He was five minutes late when he opened the door. The door of the room with the people who would be with him during this last year of high-school. 

It was a shock for everyone. His classmates were staring at him in surprise. “Him? The perfect Iwao Aoki is late?” That was the only thing that came to their minds. Iwao was sweating, and when all calmed down, the teacher decided to break the silence.

“Untied tie, dirty shoes, jacket wide open and trousers without a belt. First violation of the rules for you. Sigh. I’ll let that pass for today, Aoki. Go to your seat and prepare for the exam, we haven’t started yet.”

As he was walking to his seat, everyone peeked at him and laughed in silence. Iwao sat down in shame.

Iwao was what we could call a good-looking boy with a great body that he trained a lot. Usually, his black hair was just pulled forward so he could push them back in a simple motion, but it mainly helped to highlight his face. Almost all the uniform was black, from the jacket to the shoes, because it was considered “the color of serious studies” by his school. “A dumb thing!” Iwao thought the first day they gave him the uniform.

“Aoki, come help the teachers in the next room to prepare the next reunion. You will take the lead with your speech on ecology inside the school. So you must be fully included in the preparation of the reunion, to show to everyone how passionate and determined you are about what you are going to present. I’m counting on you!”

“I’ll be right there, Ms. Yamaguchi.”

He had no choice but to accept, even after the shameful event of the morning. He had to keep his head up. Everyone was using him, but it was for his own profit and for his family. They expected a lot from him. 

He was a hard-working student, first in sports and first in every subject. With his calm and composed personality, he was a reliable student. And so, his days at school were loaded with all sorts of things. He never had the time to be tired or else everything would have been destroyed, all he had been doing would have been nothing. 

Stress was always a part of him. The stress to make a mistake and letting slip a part of who he really was, of what he was really thinking of his teachers, of his classmates. No one talked to him unless they needed him for something. They weren’t friends. He was their slave, but he couldn’t talk back. Silence was his best friend.

That day when he came back home, he knew that his parents were waiting for him, waiting to take down their puppet, all of that just because he was late at school. When he entered the house, he walked toward the end of the corridor, turned left, and opened the door. His father was waiting on the sofa in the living room.

“Iwao, don’t you have something to tell me?” He said in a calm voice.

“I’m sorry! Last night was complicated and I woke up a little late this morning, and I arrived late to sch-”

“Enough! Do you know all that I do to keep this family in one piece? Do you know how much I sacrificed my time, my dignity, and my life just to have what we own? My name is respected throughout the country, and I expect you to be impeccable so as not to defile this name. Now on your knees, beg for pardon, and don’t think of escaping it. You will have to face the consequences if you do so, you know what I’m capable of.”

He obeyed the orders, crying over and over. He had made a mistake, he had disappointed his father, he hadn’t respected the education he received, and that was unbearable for him. His father was the only person whose respect he needed, the only thing that could make him really smile. His heart was crying.

When he returned to his bedroom, he promised himself that he would not make these mistakes again, that perfection would define him from now. For his father, for himself.

“When will I be able to be myself? You are not me…”

As he said that, he smashed his mirror, which reflected not himself, but the perfect version of himself – not the real Iwao Aoki.

******************************

That night, he was terrified and didn’t want to sleep. He was thinking back on what he had done and on this terrible nightmare he’d had the night before.

“I don’t want this to happen again. I don’t want this to happen again. I don’t want this to happen again.” He whispered this to himself like a prayer.

As the night went on, he tossed and turned in his bed, fighting against sleep.

“No! If… If I sleep now, I will relive all of these events. I can’t stand it, my heart is not that strong. I know the night brings advice, but for me it’s just a moment of the day that traps me in its arms to attack my brain with all my mistakes, with all that is wrong with me. The night prevents me from feeling better. I’m her puppet. If only I could cut the rope that controls me…”

This day was hard for Iwao. With all that had happened, and the fact that he hadn’t slept well the night before, fighting sleep was impossible.

“I guess I’m just weak after all.” He said this while closing his eyes, but not in a fearful voice. He said it in hope that he could have a sweet dream to escape reality.

******************************

Ding! Ding! Ding!

“Welcome to hell, my little boy! Are you ready to experience something extraordinary? Tonight is the time you will suffer!”

“Wait! What is happening right now? Where am I? Why is this not a dream? I don’t understand…”

“Hello Iwao! It’s been long! You are in a nightmare. You already know that, no?” A malicious voice said.

“You! Why are you here? It’s not supposed to be like that!” Iwao was panicking, speaking in such a hurry that all he said was interrupted by stuttering.

The creature from the night before was standing there in the middle of a lake of fire. It was at this moment that Iwao became aware of the chaotic environment around him. He was in a cave full of fire and lava. A horrible smell filled the room – the smell of burning bodies. “I think I will throw up all that I am if I don’t leave this place now!” Iwao thought, searching for a way out.

“I don’t understand anything! Usually, before a nightmare comes a dream, a little piece of dream before the chaos. So why isn’t it there? Why is this already a nightmare?”

Because of the distance between him and the creature, Iwao was forced to scream to be heard. The creature didn’t have to scream. Its voice rang inside Iwao’s head and filled all of his thoughts.

“This time I give you a present! How generous I am! Everybody, applause please!” The creature uttered in a voice full of joy.

When he said that, all the burning bodies started clapping their hands and dancing around Iwao.

“Tonight I will end it all for you! Yesterday you seemed to have accepted that you wanted to die. And with what you go through every day, and especially today, I think you have every reason not to refuse my present. Accept it with all your heart and be free. It’s the best decision of your life right now. Sorry – of your death!” He laughed so hard that the walls trembled and the lava flowed more violently than before.

“I can’t accept. I’ve decided to be better, to be a perfect version of what others want me to be. In the end everyone will be happy and me…” He paused.

“...and me, what will I be?” Iwao said, with tears in his eyes.

“Great, he seems to finally understand where all of this is supposed to go!” The creature thought, smiling at Iwao with the most horrendous smile ever seen by a man.

“It seems I have to decide for you, Iwao. So die! HAHAHA”

Its laugh filled Iwao’s mind. He thought his head was going to explode. His legs were shaking. He lost all of his senses. And as he fainted, he had the feeling that his head was somehow incredibly light. He thought he was going to wake up, that this horrible nightmare would be over.

As his consciousness returned, Iwao opened his eyes and it didn’t take long before he noticed the smell of burning flesh. He woke up, but it seemed that he was still in his nightmare, among the dead bodies. It was as if they were in his bed with him. 

He was horrified. He tried to wake up once again. He tried to scream but nothing came out. He tried to move. Nothing. But when he did, he felt a little cold, as if his soul was leaving his body. “My body… abandoning me…” He thought, trembling from the chill.

The head, once detached from the body, can maintain consciousness for approximately thirty seconds before death.

During the first twenty seconds, Iwao had tried to move and scream. He could still see and analyze everything around him. But during the last ten seconds, he noticed that his head was not longer attached to his body. It was floating on his own blood, which had formed a pool on his bed.

A shadow appeared at the side of his bed, where he could see it. “You! You’re the one who did this!” He tried to scream, but couldn’t make a single sound.

With rage in his eyes, he saw the killer smiling and laughing, proud of what he had done with the knife in his hand.

Iwao lost all consciousness, his eyes were still open with that same look, as he gave his last breath.

Iwao was dead.

******************************

He opened his eyes with difficulty. Birds were singing and the sun was shining high in the sky. He stood up shakily and started looking around.

“Where am I? Am I not in Tokyo? Wait! Why is this fish flying!? Why are there three suns in the sky!? Why… why… why… am I still alive?”

Iwao didn’t understand what was happening. He admired everything around him. He felt like he was in some fantasy world. He saw all sorts of incredible creatures everywhere. A strange energy seemed to float in the air. But he wasn’t shocked – he was relieved. 

His first thought was that he was finally free. If he was in another world, he didn’t have to meet anyone’s expectations. He could do what he wanted – maybe learn magic spells, defeat the king of demons like he saw in so many light novels.

“So I’m really in another world. Thank you to anyone who did this for me! I love you!” He jumped and laughed with joy as he said this.

But then he had a strange thought. “Do I have any mark on my neck after he cut my head?” So he decided to run toward a river he had heard nearby. He arrived and leaned over the water to see his reflection.

“No. You are joking, right? Even here? Why didn’t you die with me? Why did you travel with me into this world? Stop playing with me and show me my real reflection instead of the one in front of my eyes…”

He saw the creature in the water. His reflection was the creature. He thought it was a trick, like always, or that he was once again mixing reality and nightmare. But when Iwao looked at himself – his arms, his legs – he saw his entire body was covered in hair. He also felt taller, further from the ground. The truth hit Iwao like a ton of bricks.

“This thing... this reflection… this… is me? This is my body? That can’t be. If it’s like this, how can I call myself free!”

Iwao screamed as he realized what he looked like, as he realized he wasn’t human anymore, as he realized that this new fantasy world wasn’t meant to be an easy route for him.

Iwao had become the creature.