Iwao and his despair

Head felt heavy as the pouring rain outside wouldn't stop. After getting up, Iwao started to think of the night he had before, or rather the nightmare he had. While he was doing that, he was getting ready to go to high-school. All that he did everyday – eating breakfast, washing his teeth, getting dressed, doing his hair, and walking to the school – felt like an automatism. In the search of the efficacy and perfection in his actions he repeated everything so much that he had basically became a robot. But after that night, the robot crashed. Iwao didn’t eat his breakfast, he didn’t get his hair perfectly done like everyday. His hair was messy. And on top of that, he arrived late at school.

At the end of the hallway, the athletic build of Iwao was all that could be seen. His black hair was floating in the air as he was running towards his classroom. He was five minutes late when he opened the door. The door of the room with the people that would be with him during this last year of high-school. It was a shock for everyone. His classmates were staring at him in surprise. “Him? The perfect Iwao Aoki is late?” That was the only thing that came to their mind. Iwao was sweating, and when all calmed down the teacher decided to break the silence.

“Untied tie, dirty shoes, jacket wide open and trousers without a belt. First violation of the rules for you. Sigh. I let that pass for today Aoki. Go to your seat and prepare for the exam, we haven’t started yet.”

As he was walking to his seat, everyone was peeking at him and laughed in silence. Iwao sat down in shame.

Iwao was what we could call a good-looking boy with a great body that he trains a lot. Usually, his black hair was just pulled forward so he could put them back in a simple motion, but it mainly helped to highlight his face. Almost all the uniform was black, from the jacket to the shoes, because it was considered “the color of serious studies” by his school. “A dumb thing!” Thought Iwao the first day they gave them the uniform.

“Aoki, come help the teachers in the next room to prepare the next reunion. You will take the lead with your speech on the ecology inside the school. So you must be fully included in the preparation of the reunion, to show to everyone how you are passionate and determined by what you are going to present. I’m counting on you!”

“I’ll be right there Ms. Yamaguchi.”

He had no choice but to accept, even after the shameful event of the morning. He had to keep his head up. Everyone is using him but it’s for his own profit and for his own family. They expected a lot from him. He was a hard-working student, first in sports and first in every subject. With his calm and composed personality he was a reliable student. And so, his days at school were loaded with all sorts of things. He never had the time to be tired or else everything would have been destroyed, all he had been doing would have been nothing. The stress was always a part of him. The stress to make a mistake and let escape a part of who he really was, of what he was really thinking of his teachers, of his classmates. No one talked to him unless they needed him for something. They weren’t friends. He was their slave, but he couldn’t talk back. Silence was his best friend.

That day when he came back to home, he knew that his parents were waiting for him, waiting to take down on their puppet, all of that just because he was late at school. When he entered the house, he walked towards the end of the corridor, turned left and opened the door, his father was waiting on the sofa of the living room.

“Iwao, don’t you have something to tell me?” He said in a calm voice.

“I’m sorry! Last night was complicated and I woke up a little late this morning and I arrived late to sch-”

“Enough! Do you know all that I do to keep this family in one piece? Do you know how much I sacrificed of my time, my dignity and my life to just have what we own? My name is respected in all the country and I expect you to be impeccable so as not to defile this name. Now on your knees, beg for your pardon and don’t think of escape it. You will have to face the consequences if so, you know what I’m able to do.”

He executed the orders, crying over and over. He made a mistake, he disappointed his father, he didn’t respect the education he received and that is unbearable for him. His father was the only person he needed the respect of, that was the only thing that could make him really smile. His heart was crying.

When he could return to his bedroom, he promised to himself that now he would not make this mistakes again, that the perfection would be him. For his father, for himself.

“When will I be able to be myself? You are not me…”

As he was saying that, he broke down his mirror which was reflecting him the image of himself or rather the perfect version of himself, not him, not the real Iwao Aoki.

******************************

That night, he was terrified and didn’t want to sleep. He was thinking back on what he had done and on this terrible nightmare he had the night before.

“I don’t want this to happen again. I don’t want this to happen again. I don’t want this to happen again.” He whispered this to himself like a prayer.

As the night was running, he was tossing and turning in his bed, fighting against sleep.

“No! If… If I sleep now I will relive all of this events. I can’t stand it, my heart is not so strong. I know the night brings advice but for me it’s just a moment of the day that trap me in his arms to attack my brain with all my mistakes, with all that is wrong with me. The night prevents me to feel better, I’m her puppet. If only I could cut the rope that controls me…”

This day was hard for Iwao. With all that happened, and the fact that he couldn’t sleep well the night before, fighting sleep was impossible.

“I guess I’m just weak after all.” He said that while closing his eyes but not in a feared voice. He said that in hope that he could do a sweet dream that would make him escape the reality.

******************************

Ding! Ding! Ding!

“Welcome to hell my little boy! Are you ready to experience something extraordinary? Tonight is the time you will suffer!”

“Wait! What is happening right now? Where am I? Why is this not a dream? I don’t understand…”

“Hello Iwao! It’s been long! You are in a nightmare, you already know that no?” Said a malicious voice.

“You! Why are you here? It’s not supposed to be like that!” Iwao was panicking, he talked in such a hurry that all he said was interrupted by stuttering.

The creature of the night before was standing there in the middle of a lake of fire. It was at this moment that Iwao took conscience of the chaotic environment around him. He was in a cave full of fire and lava. A horrible smell filled the room, the smell of burning bodies. “I think I will throw up all that I am if I don’t quit this place now!” Thought Iwao while searching how to leave.

“I don’t understand anything! Usually, before a nightmare comes a dream, a little piece of dream before the chaos. So why isn’t it there? Why is this already a nightmare?”

Because of the distance between him and the creature, Iwao was forced to scream so he could be heard. The creature didn’t have to scream, its voice rang inside Iwao’s head and filled all of his thoughts.

“This time I give you a present! How generous I am! Everybody applause please!” Uttered the creature in a voice full of joy.

When he said that, all the burning bodies started clapping their hands and dancing around Iwao.

“Tonight I will end it all for you! Yesterday you seemed to have accepted that you wanted to die. And with what you go through everyday and especially today, I think that you have all the reasons to not refuse my present. Accept it with all your heart and be free. It’s the best decision of your life right now. Sorry, “of your death”!” He laughed so hard that the walls were trembling and the lava was flowing harder than before.

“I can’t accept. I’ve decided to be better, to be a perfect version of what others want me to be. In the end everyone will be happy and me…” He paused.

“...and me what will I be?” Said Iwao with tears in his eyes.

“Great, he seems to finally understand where all of this is supposed to go!” Thought the creature while smiling at Iwao in the most horrendous smile ever seen by a man.

“It seems I have to decide for you Iwao. So die! HAHAHA”

Its laugh filled Iwao’s mind. He thought that his head was going to explode. His legs were shaking. He lost all of his senses. And as he fainted, he had the feeling that his head was somehow incredibly light. He thought that he was going to wake up and that this horrible nightmare was going to be over.

As his consciousness returned, Iwao opened his eyes and it didn’t take long before he noticed the smell of burning flesh. He woke up but it seemed that he was still in his nightmare among the dead bodies. It was like they were in his bed with him. He was horrified. He tried to wake up once again. He tried to scream but nothing came out. He tried to move. Nothing. But when he did that he felt a little cold and felt like his soul was leaving his body. “My body… abandoning me…” He thought while trembling from the cold temperature.

The head, once detached from the rest of the body, can maintain consciousness for approximately thirty seconds before the death of the one without a head.

During the first twenty seconds, Iwao had tried to move and scream. He could always see and be able to analyze every information around him. But during the last ten seconds he noticed that his head was not attached to his body. It was floating on his own blood that had formed a pool on his bed.

A shadow appeared at the side of his bed where he could see it. “You! You’re the one that did this!” He tried to scream this but couldn’t make a single word.

With a look of rage in his eyes, he saw the killer smiling and laughing as he was proud of what he committed with the knife he had in his hand.

Iwao lost all of his consciousness and his eyes were still opened with that same look as he gave his last breath.

Iwao was dead.

******************************

He opened his eyes with difficulty. Birds were singing and the sun was shining high in the sky. He stood up on his legs difficultly and started looking everywhere around him.

“Where am I? Am I not in Tokyo? Wait! Why is this fish flying!? Why is there three suns in the sky!? Why… why… why… am I still alive?”

Iwao didn’t understand what was happening. He was admiring all of what was around him, he felt like he was in some fantasy world. He saw dragons and other incredible creatures running everywhere around him. It also seemed like a strange energy was floating everywhere. But he wasn’t shocked, he was relieved. His first thought was that he was finally free. If he was in another world, he didn’t have to attend the expectations of everybody. He could do what he want, maybe learn magic spells, defeat the king of demons like he saw in many light novels.

“So I’m really in another world. Thank you to anyone who did this for me! I love you!” He was jumping and laughing in joy as he said that.

But he had a strange thought. “Do I have any mark on my neck after he cut my head?” So he decided to run towards a river near where he was, he heard it from afar. He arrived and looked above the water to see his reflection.

“No. You are joking right? Even here? Why didn’t you die with me? Why did you traveled with me in this world? Stop playing with me and show me my real reflection instead of being the one in front of my eyes…”

He saw the creature in the water. His reflection was the creature. He thought that it was playing him a trick like always or that he was once again mixing reality and nightmare. But Iwao looked at himself, his arms, legs, all his body was covered with hair. He also felt like he was further away from the ground. The truth hit Iwao like a ton of bricks.

“This thing... this reflection… this… is me? This is my body? That can’t be. If it’s like this how can I call myself free!”

Iwao screamed as he realized what he looked like, as he realized he wasn’t a human anymore, as he realized that this new fantasy world he was in wasn’t meant to be an easy route for him.

Iwao had become the creature.