A Gift From the Heart

“You little idiot! You need to dig up the roots or the weeds will just grow right back!” Nanny growled at Sori. “But the weeds are gone, aren’t they?” Sori argued, trying his hardest to act innocent. “No, they aren’t! That’s like cutting off your hand and saying that the burn on it was healed! The root is the weed!” Nanny shook the boy vigorously. “It’s still there even if its leaves are gone and it’ll keep sapping the nutrients the plants need!”

Mari watched her grandmother and brother squabbling as she picked peas. “How do they always have so much energy to put into arguing?” Azreal shrugged. “The magic of children and strong old women.” He was busy staking the plants. Nanny had promptly put all three of her “kids” to work after breakfast. In theory, she was trying to punish Sori for his morning shenanigans, but the kid wasn’t exactly helping any. Mari and Azreal, on the other hand, were willingly assisting. Mari found the work relaxing and enjoyed being able to help. It made her feel like she was truly a part of the little family. Part of her still wanted to do whatever she could to thank them for accepting her.

“These peas look so good...” Mari started drooling. “We ate less than an hour ago, Mari.” ‘Seriously, where does she put it all?’ Azreal shook his head. “I know they’re good when they’re raw, but freshly peas taste amazing when steamed and I'd like there to be some left for the rest of us tonight.” Mari stuck her tongue out at him, though she kept picking the peas without popping any into her mouth.

“Maybe I won’t let you have any with that attitude!” He fired back. Mari stared at Azreal for a moment before flicking a small pebble at his forehead. “Ow! I give!” He rubbed his forehead and laughed. “No more violence!” Mari giggled. “Sorry, Az!” The mercenary stopped and stared at her. “What?” “It’s just...you’re calling me Az now.” “Well, Sori calls you that, so I just kinda picked it up. Oh, did you not want me to call you that? If it’s bugging you, I can stop." Az turned pink and looked away. “That wasn’t what I meant...I-it’s not like I hate it...it just surprised me, that’s all...”

Mari grinned. ‘It’s not like I didn't already think he was attractive, but Azreal really is cute! For someone so tough, he can be so innocent sometimes.!' “Okay, then, Az.” She let out another little giggle. “But in all seriousness, You look a lot better now.” Azreal gently tied a stake to a tomato plant. “Yeah.I still feel edgy and... I guess the best word would be heavy? But I don’t feel as overwhelmed as I did before. I’m sorry you had to hear about such unpleasant things, but I’m glad I told you. I've been...struggling to process everything.” He folded his hands in his lap and looked down at them.

“I think the worst part is what happened to Scath, and it doesn’t help that I don’t know how to feel about him. He was a mean and crude person, and he was awful to me. So many times, I wished he’d just disappear, so I’d never have to deal with him again. Remembering that now, I feel guilty, even if it was a justifiable feeling to have. I didn’t want to have to deal with him anymore, but that doesn’t mean I wanted anything bad to happen to him. I definitely...” He closed his eyes. “...I don’t ever want to wish for anyone's death. But..not even a bad person deserves to die like that.” Mari looked at him with sympathy. ‘Azreal...that’s just like him. Hired killer or not, I don’t think he’d ever have it in him to genuinely hate someone. He’s too kind for that.’

He opened his eyes and smiled apologetically at her. “I know it’s foolish. I know the kind of person he was. I know full well that he’s probably not in Heaven and I'm not naive enough to argue that he wouldn't deserve that ...but I still keep praying for his soul anyway. He’s already dead, so it won’t change anything, and God’s the ultimate judge, but still...The look he had on his face when he passed. I can’t forget it. In the end, regardless of everything, he was still just as human and vulnerable as anyone else. He was scared. He had a weird look at the end, and I don’t entirely know what he was thinking, but I think he was glad he wasn’t dying alone. At least a little bit anyway.” He laughed and returned to his work, too embarrassed to look at Mari's reaction. “Sorry, I know that’s probably stupid and makes me sound dumb, but it’s how I feel, anyway. Besides, his own uncle, his only family, didn’t give a crap about him so...everyone deserves to be remembered by someone.”

Mari shook her head. “I don’t think you’re dumb at all, Az. Your feelings are real, and I think I’d feel the same way if I was in your place. I think...that human natures and emotions can be complex, and that’s a good thing. You aren't blind to reality, but you can still feel for others, even if they hurt you. I think that’s a decent space to be in. At least, I think it’s right, but who am I to judge?” She shrugged. “It’s your heart and your feelings. You care about others and I know that God would never think that’s a bad thing. It would be worse if you were happy someone died.” The mention of God set off a lightbulb in her head.

“Oh, that reminds me! I almost forgot!” She rummaged in her corset. “I was waiting for a perfect time to give this to you but then I forgot about it!” She pulled out a small piece of blue paper tied with a white bow. Azreal stared as she reached over and placed it in one of his palms. “I got it for you in Andressa. A souvenir.” “You didn’t need to get me anything!” Azreal complained. “Just open it! You’ll love it!” Mari shot back, knowing how bad Azreal was at accepting anything from others.

Gently, Azreal undid the wrapping and let out a little gasp as it fell away. It was just a necklace; a small black cross on a matching chain. But...”This is-!” Azreal’s face lit up. “This is beautiful!” The sun danced across the charm, revealing the hints of deep crimson within the black stone. “Is this blood obsidian?” Mari nodded and a wide smile took over Azreal’s face. “It’s lovely...is it really for me?”

“Yep! You seem to love God, so I thought that it would help comfort you when you were scared. And it reminds me of your eyes.” Azreal looked at her in confusion. “My eyes?” “Your eyes are such a beautiful shade of red, and they light up when you really smile. And the rest of the stone is black like your hair. It’s just like you!”

Azreal couldn’t find the words to respond. ‘She...thinks my eyes are beautiful?’ He couldn’t wrap his mind around it, but the look of joy on Mari’s face told him that she was absolutely serious. ‘No one has ever said anything like that before. I’ve always been told I have creepy, cursed eyes...she isn’t scared by them?’ A soft, gentle look came over his face that make Mari’s heartbeat increase.

“I love it so much! I-I don't know what to say. Thank you for thinking about me, Mari.” He slipped the necklace over his head. The chain was long, so the cross rested right over his heart; a gentle, reassuring weight. He tucked it under his shirt. “I feel a lot calmer already. Seriously, I can’t believe you’d think about me enough to get me such an amazing gift, let alone something so meaningful. I really don’t deserve your kindness...Ouch!” Mari flicked another rock at him. “What was that for?”

“Stop talking about yourself like that all the time! Just let me do something nice for you because I want to! Accept my love! Accept it!” Mari sent a barrage of rocks his way, but Azreal casually dodged them all. “I accept it! Okay? Okay! You can stop the violence!" He laughed; a deep belly laugh that came from the core of his being. ‘She really does make me feel...like I’m a different person. Like I’m worth something. She’s like the sun chasing away the clouds and I can genuinely feel happy and at ease with her.’

“Hey, hey! Careful with my plants!” Nanny yelled, causing Mari to jump. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-! I'll get back to work now!” Mari quickly went back to picking the peas. “These plants are precious resources, and it took a lot of work to get them to this point!” Nanny stood up and hobbled over to Azreal, leaving a sulking Sori to dig out the weed roots with a spade. “Ah I can feel my age creeping up on me.” As she cracked her back, she noticed the glint of the chain under Azreal’s shirt. “Oh, she finally gave you your gift.”

Azreal looked at his grandmother. “She wanted to find the perfect gift, but it took until our last day for her to find that. She wanted to do something to make you happy. She really cares about you, you know.” Azreal looked over at Mari, who was now completely absorbed in her task. “I know she does.” He sighed, reaching for his knife to cut some more twine. “I care about her, too. That’s why...I feel guilty that she’s expending all her concern and care on someone like me. I know it’s completely genuine on her part, but it’s still so hard for me to accept that it’s okay for me to want to be around her and be comforted by her.”

“I know it’s hard, but you’ll definitely be able to accept her love one day.” Nanny patted him on the back reassuringly. “After all, it took you a while to trust and accept my love, but here we are. I believe in your kindness, Azreal. And I believe in Mari. I know you two will be happy together, just give it time.”

Despite his instinctual reaction being to deny her words, he felt that his grandmother was right. Whatever sort of love it was he felt for Mari, he knew for sure that he felt something and, for now, the knowledge that he could feel anything was enough. Just knowing that his heart and emotions hadn’t been completely broken and that he could still feel for other people was a relief. ‘Nanny and Mari are right...I’m broken and flawed, but I’m still human. No matter what, it’s not too late for me. I’m not a monster. I’m not.’

As they all continued working, Azreal repeated that phrase in his head, as if it was an incitation that could completely ward off his depression and guilt forever.