Believe in You

“You feeling any better now?” Mari asked softly. Azreal rubbed his eyes, even though he hadn’t actually cried. As much as he wanted to and his eyes felt like they had, he hadn’t been able to cry like an ordinary person in years. It would only happen of its own accord when he was in the thick of his worst panic attacks and having flashbacks. “Kind of? As much as I can right now, anyway.” He sighed. Despite having woken up less than an hour ago, his body already felt as weighed down and exhausted as if he’d just completed a mission. It had taken nearly all his strength to just divulge a little bit off his past to Mari, not even mentioning having to finally put a voice to the pain of someone he knew dying in front of him. He hadn’t even told her anything specific about his past, aside from being sold into being a mercenary as a child and his life being awful, but it still took so much out him mentally to just admit that out loud.

Judging by Mari’s reaction and how observant she was, she’d likely put enough pieces of his behavior together to have assumptions about his past, and they had been accurate. ‘I thought I was good at hiding my emotions. I’m a mercenary after all; staying cool under pressure and not being easy to read is essential to survival. Am I getting weaker, or does Mari just have the intelligence of a more enlightened being combined with a good ability to read me specifically?’

“I’m sorry you felt that you had to hide your pain for so long.” Mari said, looking at him sadly. “I wish I could do something to help you, but I’m not smart enough for that. I think that only you can really figure out what will help you.” She smiled reassuringly at him. “But I’ll always listen to you. You don’t need to hide things from me. I do love you but...you’re also the best friend I’ve ever had. The only friend I’ve ever had aside from Tetra or my little niece. You’ve helped me to live freely with humans and be happy. I’m not lonely or bored anymore and I finally have a real family that accepts me. If there’s ever anything I can do for you, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

Despite his heart still feeling heavy, Azreal had enough strength to give her a small smile in return. No matter what tricks his mind would try to play on him later, in this moment, he believed her with every ounce of his being. “Thank you. I’m lucky to have you, too. Nanny knows a lot about my past but...it’s different with you. I’m pretty sure Nanny knows everything about me without me telling her and doesn’t care about it. Even so...it’s easier for me to talk to you. A tiny bit, anyway.”

Mari shook her head. “I love you, but you’re dense sometimes! Do you really think Nanny would ever judge you after you saved her life and gave her a chance to be a parental figure? You’re the one who allowed her to be free after decades of torture and she thinks of you as her own child! She’s proud of you and wants you to be happy, you dolt! That’s why she wanted to take care of you! She knew you’d never learn to be kind to yourself without another person around!”

Azreal’s eyes widened in shock. “Saved...you know about how me and Nanny met?” “Uh-huh” Mari confirmed. “She told me about it while we were in Andressa. The trip brought up memories for her since she’s from the Tongan continent. It made me cry my eyes out. It’s so unfair what she went through! But she’s happy. She called me the daughter she always wanted to have and had nothing but good things to say about you and Sori. She loves you and wants you to be able to feel valued and happy, too. She could see your pain back then and didn’t want to leave you alone. Especially after you’d saved her when you had no obligation to.”

“Stubborn old lady.” Azreal sighed. “She’s always the same. But...I really am happy she didn’t let me push her away. Her and Sori are my one and only family. They’re the only people who could accept and love me. When she first moved in permanently, I was an ass to her, but she saw right through it and wouldn’t let me chase her off. Told me that I was the one who was really in pain, and I was only lashing out because I didn't know how to be loved or happy and was scared. I thought she was insane at the time, but she was right.”

“Of course she was!” Mari scolded him. “Everyone deserves to be loved! You’re just as deserving as anyone else. Besides, you’re a good person. If you were the type of person who took pleasure in hurting others that would be one thing, but you’re a kind person who’s suffered so much that it changed you. No one with a shred of empathy would be able to just let someone like you remain trapped in a nightmare in their own head. There’s a world of difference between being defensive because you were hurt and actually wanting to harm others.”

“I didn’t do anything anyone else wouldn’t do.” Azreal denied her defense of his character. “She was dying! What sort of monster would just leave someone to die when they could help? Besides, she was forced into slavery and abused for her entire life!” He ground his teeth. “How can anyone just throw away the life of another person like they're trash? And for such a stupid reason, too! We all get old at some point! That’s not a sin and only someone without a heart would think aging is an inconvenience worth killing an innocent person over! Though if you’re okay with slavery then you probably don’t have a soul, let alone a heart...”

‘I’m not going to argue with him on this.’ Mari thought as she externally nodded along. ‘He can’t see any of his positive qualities and me nagging him about it isn’t going to fix it. I can’t force him to accept himself; that’s something he’ll have to learn on his own, even if I can give him a nudge.’ “Yeah, you’re not wrong. Especially since it’s outlawed nearly everywhere now. It’s a special, intentional kind of cruel to still be okay with dominating and hurting people when everyone else can see how blatantly wrong it is. But still, I know the character of humans well, and I know for a fact that not everyone would do what you did. Most of them would regret it and be haunted by it afterwards, but humans can be easily swayed by the power of fear or selfishness in the heat of the moment. Even if you’re not the only one who would have done it, you still did something that was incredibly kind. I think that’s an amazing and beautiful thing.” She smiled warmly, willing her feelings to reach him.

‘He said it himself; there are heartless monsters in this world masquerading as humans. Plenty of people are careless and selfish, even if they aren’t outright cruel or crazy. Not everyone has the Immedient instinct to care for others and empathize with them. Even I have been scared and hesitated in a critical moment. Az has a kind heart and, even if he doesn’t realize it, he’s so sensitive to the suffering of others specifically because of the way he suffered himself. Being forced to kill made him value life in a way that many people would never understand. Plenty of “good” people, who never hurt a fly in their lives would have just left Nanny on the side of the road. Plenty of beings, human’s especially, have thoughts that prevent them from acting in crucial moments. It doesn’t mean they’re entirely bad, but it does show that their way of thinking and priorities are out of whack and need some fine tuning. When you’re forced to make a quick choice, when there’s no one around but you and God, that’s when a person’s true character comes out. It was just one moment, but it still says a lot about Azreal’s true nature. Especially because he seemed to mentally be in the darkest place he ever was back then. Even so, he still acted without a second thought.’

Azreal blushed and looked away, not knowing how to handle her compliment. “God really was caring for and protecting me even when I didn’t care about myself, because Nanny is the one who saved me when I had given up on living. Her and Sori were the best things to ever happen to me. You are, too. I’m so blessed.” He turned back to her.

“That’s why I need to fight. This war isn’t just some petty power struggle between kingdoms. This is a magical and spiritual war that could wipe the whole continent off the map. It’s terrifying but...” He looked down at his palm and clenched his fist. “I have to offer what I have because I know there’s something I can do to help. I want to protect this kingdom and the innocent from getting hurt. I want to be able to keep living with my family and for you all to be happy. If Tempest and the demons aren’t stopped...” A fire that seemed to burn from within shone in his eyes. “Everyone in the village. You. My grandmother and baby brother and everyone they love. I won’t let anyone hurt you. I won’t. I’ll protect you all.”

For a moment, the look on his face took Mari’s breath away. There was an inner strength and determination there that she couldn’t describe, but it made him even more radiant and beautiful in her eyes. ‘He has such a strong heart.’ She realized. ‘No matter how he feels or what happened...he survived a living hell that nearly drove him mad. He’s still fighting that battle even now. That’s true strength.’

“Wow...You’re so cool, Az...” She whispered. Azreal flushed the deepest red she’d ever seen. “Really! No matter what, you’re amazing to me!” She insisted. “And you’re right. This is important.” She put a hand over his. “If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.” Azreal looked at her in surprise. He was so used to the fact of her being a unicorn that he’d never considered the fact that she possessed divine strength and magic that surpassed anything humans could conceive. Mari may be goofy, energetic, and bubbly, but she was still a holy creature by nature, even if living an ordinary, domestic life among humans obscured that fact.

“The next time I get summoned to the King...would you like to come with? Both to see the capitol and...well I have a friend in the Kings court. I feel like you’d get along well with him and if you want to help...he might know what you could do." He offered awkwardly. “I don’t want you to be in danger but...you’re a unicorn. You’re stronger than I’d ever be able to comprehend and a holy creature. You’d honestly be an asset to fight off the demons."

Mari was surprised that he was outright offering her the chance to get involved in the war. She’d thought that he would try to keep her safe but, instead, he believed in her, even though she’d shown him nothing but a few party tricks at this point. There was no doubt of her abilities; no calling her naive. Just genuine trust in her strength and judgement. Him seeing her playful and curious side didn’t prevent him from recognizing and accepting her as a complex person with multiple aspects to them. ‘A human who’s known me for a few weeks...trusts and treats me better than my own family ever did in all the centuries I was with them.’ Mari was stunned into silence. “Oh no. D-did I say something wrong?” Azreal worried, having noticed her momentary freeze up.

She shook her head. “I was just...I just was thinking. Thanks for trusting me. I agree with you; if there’s something I can do to help someone else, I want to do it. What’s the point of my holy powers if I spend my life in hiding, hoarding them to myself and don’t step in when the forces of evil are trying to put their filthy hands all over everything? And, even if you are a seasoned professional, I’ll still always worry about you, so I’d rather fight by your side.”

The two sat staring at each other with happy, cheesy grins; unable to believe how much the other the supported them. ‘I’m the luckiest person in the world to have them let me stand by their side’ was the thought in both their heads. 

"Oh, good morning, you lovebirds!”

The two jumped as a cheerful Nanny strolled through the gate, a bruised and stunned Sori tucked under her arm. “Sorry, the little one kept me occupied! I’m back now, though, so what do you say we get breakfast started?” The two stared as she causally entered the house like this was a normal occurrence. “Geeze Nanny! Overkill much?” Azreal couldn’t help but snicker.

“The little hooligan started it!” Nanny yelled out. “Are you going to just sit on your lazy butt and let a poor old lady do everything for you?” Azreal stood up. “We’re coming, Nanny!” He held his hand out to Mari. “What do you say we get in there before Sori gets it together and they start bickering again?” Mari looked up at him and took his hand with a smile. After the dark, heavy conversation they’d had, Nanny’s good food and their little brother’s antics sounded like Heaven.

“Wouldn’t wanna miss it!” She laughed as she rose from the swing.