The day I learn to feel secure

I have to admit, live in a kid's body really help you feel at peace. 

I live 2 years in this body and day after day, all I do is eat, learn something with Mom and play around. I have to say that I think my perception is now at the same level as a 9 year old girl. But what can I say, I really am a 9 year old girl now.

Well, I do feel guilty, I enjoy the life in a little girl's body with her Mom and her Mom didn't know that I'm not her daughter, it kind of sinister, right? But it's nothing I can do now, so I have to pretend her daughter and live with her like nothing happen. 

I do a research about soul and body in this world too, but the books are all about religion or mythical things and I don't think I'll find any helpful information about what happen to her soul.

About one thing in this world, that is kid didn't have to go to school until they are 10, they learn at home with their Moms. Moms usually teach you about basic natural science knowledge, some basic anatomy knowledge,... so when you attend school, you will have preliminary knowledge before practicing magic. Some mothers taught their kid how to use magic when they were 5-6, but my Mom didn't do that. I think she wants me to spent my time doing some kid stuffs like playing with animal or collective leaves. 

I really appreciate that. I don't really like school. It's hard for me to integrate with others. I used to be bullied by some rascals in school and I have droped out 3 times because of that. My parent had to yell at me everyday to make me back to school. In the end, I really back to school, because hear someone yelled at you every day, told you that you should stay at mental hospital or became a whore if you don't want to go to school. Well, being bullied make be better than hear those words.

I know that school is important, it was a place for you to learn new things and a place where you learn how to connect with people, how to build a relationship, but it just didn't work on me. No matter how hard I try, I just can't connect with anyone, when I try to communicate with them, I became a clown, a hideous person. It's just what I am, a deformed soul.

Talk about a previous life is kind of negative, right? I feel sorry for this girl, but even if I have a deformed soul. I will try to live a decent life for this girl. I am living someone else's life, I can't just be negative and give up.

Talk about practicing magic. I read book and try to practice magic by myself too, but it didn't work, I try to heal my wound one time, but I can't do that too. It kinds of weird, I have a basic knowledge of natural science, human anatomy and physiology too, why it didn't work. My Mom told me that because my body still so little, so I can't release mana or control mana now, that why we usually taught magic for 10 year old kid. She told me no need to rush, everyone has their own pace.

Well, this girl is not a hard working person, so I try to act more like a head in a clounds person so Mom won't worry about it, although, can't using magic right now really concerns me, because when you watch an anime about a reincarnated person, they usually work hard soon and became a really powerful mage or something. But thinking about it, maybe because I'm not a main character, so thing didn't go well on me.

But I'm not feeling sad or something, Except for that worry, my life is pretty good. My Mom is by my side and takes good care of me. She is a really good person.

One time, when I caught two rabbits in a garden and prepare to use it for my mana experiment in animal. I want to know if a rabbit in this world have the same anatomy like a rabbit in our world, and I want to know how much mana in this rabbit, is a larger body have more amount of mana? If I can, I really want to know if there is a difference between human's mana and other animal's mana too. 

I go to the libary, it has her father's laboratory equipment to do this experiment. First, you will put the rabbit in a sealed container surrounded by water and heat it until the rabbit is completely burned off, then you record the rise in water temperature to determine the number of mana. 

The book indicates that when animals get scared or pained, they usually release mana. So how do you calculate mana in a creatures? Well, you have to put it in a sealed environment with water and burned it off, so you can calculate the amount of mana that the creature releases because of scared and the mana in their body too. In that way, calculate mana is pretty similar to calculate energy in food. So I think mana is like energy of body, and creatures in this world have much more energy than the creatures in our world, and somehow, through The Goddess' blessings or whatever, they have an ability to release and control this energy of their body, that is why they have magic and we don't. 

But when I was about to dissect one rabbit and use the other for mana experiment, my Mom stopped me.

"Oh my Goddess, Edna! What are you doing!?"

"Mom... I just... doing some stuff with the rabbits"

"Edna! Don't lie to me. I clearly see you put that poor rabbit in that sealed container with water! What are you going to do!? You will suffocate the rabbit!"