The day I learn about this body

My throat was choked up, I didn't know what to say in response to my Mom. Since living here, she had never scolded me or been disappointed on me. The feeling of her doubtful and disappointed gaze really hurt me deeply.

"Sorry Mom... I just... I just don't know what I'm doing..."

"Oh dear, you don't need to apologize me. You should apologize to the rabbits, let the 2 rabbits go."

I let those rabbits go. I really want to do that experient, but if Mom didn't want me to do, I will stop. Next time, I will find a way to do it more quietly so she doesn't know.

"Edna, do you know why you shouldn't do harm to those rabbits?"

"Oh... because... because they are cute...?"

"No, that is not the point. The Goddess teaches us that all creatures in this world have linked to each other. If we do harm to other creatures, that means we do harm to ourselves to. So you shouldn't make any creatures feel pain, because we linked to other creatures, so it means we will feel pain too."

"Oh... So why we still eat meat from animals Mom?"

"If we have to, we eat them. Otherwise, most of us eat plants."

I want to say that we linked to plants too, but couldn't do that because I don't want Mom to get sad. So I just accept anything she said. 

At the end, I still have a chance to do the mana experient on rat and rabbit. Like in the book mentions, although the amount of mana in the body is innate, the larger body also have the larger amount of mana. So the elephant will have more mana than a rat. But within the same species, the amount of mana between two bodies will not always be different based on size, but also due to the individual's innate nature. However, having a large body size is still very beneficial and physical training basically increases mana capacity.

It make sense, a bigger body can contain more amount of mana. That why almost the kids can't do magic when they turn 10 and the Caballarius paid attention to physical training to build muscle too. I'm about to turn 10 too, at that time, I think I can practice magic properly. 

The day I turn 10, I learn about the truth that this body can't do magic.

I read it in book one time. There is a small amount of people in this world can't do magic. Some scholars explain that some people just have the right amount of mana to maintain normal physiology of their body, basically, they don't have enough mana to be able to release it outwards. Some theologian just explain that some people haven't been blessed by the Goddess, that why they can't do magic.

I don't know whether this body don't have much mana from the beginning, or I can't be blessed by the Goddess because I'm the outsider from the another world. Nothing can be change about this.

I have a dissatisfied life before, and now I have to live in a body that can't do magic, in a world that everyone can do magic. It it a joke or something?

Mom cried a lot, she knew about this and cried everytime she looked at me. It makes me feel awful, because it can be my fault that this girl's body can't do magic, I don't know what to say to her.

And I met this girl father, for the first time I live in this body. 

Mom is a gorgerous woman, with a typical long blond hair, big blue eyes of a westerner. But her Father, how do I put it? He is a tall, thin man with a hooked nose. His eyes were black, small and sharp as knives. His hair was short and jet black but his face was deeply wrinkled. I looked at him but could not guess his age.

Her Father and Mom don't see each other often, because he is a great Magus working in the royal family and is very busy. This time, he came home to see Mom just to discuss this matter of his daughter who can't use magic, I don't know why but it makes me feel uncomfortable somehow.

I am not allowed to see what they discuss, and I don't know what will happen to this girl, but I have to wait for their decision, that's all I can do now.

Her Father decided that I will live with her aunt. Her father has the little sister, who are unblessed too. Kids can't use magic still have to go to school, it is mandatory, and there is no school for kids who can't use magic, so I still have to go to regular school. He thinks a person who are unblessed, will have experience in taking care of who are unblessed too. 

This is the first time I hear about this aunt. Mom didn't mention anything about this Father's family. In a few days, aunt will come and pick me up to her house.

That night, I heard Mom cried a lot. But she didn't come to my room, to say goodbye or anything. She didn't tell me a last story, or a last lullaby or anything. She just cried alone in her room.

That day come, Mom have gathered all the stuffs for me, ready to farwell me. She didn't talk much to me, just told me that I need to listen to my aunt, that's all.

Well, if thing gonna happen like that, I can't do anything though. I think I just have to accept, and start a new life again with the aunt that I haven't met before.

I hear the knock, I know that she came, I walk to the door and open. I saw a woman standing in a doorway. She didn't look like my Mom or any other woman that I ever met. A tall, slender woman with a very short black hair. Her face is pale white and her eyes, it's black, like the eyes of the rat that I just dissect before. I don't know how to decsribe this feeling, like a Death is come to get me, told me that the place suited for me is only Hell.