Chapter Seven

“I said I want you to train me. I want to learn how to do what you do.” Ven said.

Eujin held her gaze for a long moment. Then, without warning, he collapsed onto the table in a fit of howling laughter, pounding the tabletop with his fist.

Ven could feel the blood rushing to her face, and didn’t know whether to slap him or to run sobbing out into the daylight. After several long moments, Eujin finally seemed able to compose himself. He straightened and cleared his throat.

“So, you want me, to teach you, how to sneak, and poison, and maim and kill.”

Ven nodded, her resolve firm.

“Yes, I do.”

Eujin picked the knife up off the table and slid it back into his belt as he stood.

“Absolutely not.”

“What? Why?” Ven asked, getting up to follow him as he left the apothecary. Eujin walked the same path they’d come, his crimson scarf blowing in the breeze as he walked.

“If you want adventure, go join one of the trade guilds as a caravan guard once you’re old enough.” Eujin said, stopping in front of Logen’s smithy. “The pay’s good, and if you manage to make yourself competent in a fight, you might even get to lead your own caravan team.

He bent down and scrounged through the scattered mess in front of him for several long moments until he pulled a straight-bladed dagger from the pile and began inspecting its edge.

“I don’t want to be a caravan guard! I want to learn how to be like you!” Ven protested, closing the gap between them.

Eujin flipped the blade over and spoke as he examined the other edge.

“No, You don’t. You want to hurt someone, and you want me to teach you how to do it because you think that’s what I do.” He said.

Seeming satisfied with the dagger, he slid it into his belt alongside several other blades of varying size and shape and set off in the direction of the inn.

“But it is what you do! You make your living slaying monsters and hunting evil men. That’s what everyone says!” Ven said, jogging after him.

“Oh, is that what they say?” Eujin said, sounding amused. Or sarcastic. The fact that she couldn’t tell infuriated Ven to no end. “Were these the same people who told you magic and monsters weren’t actually real?”

Ven bit the inside of her cheek, and let off when she realized she could taste blood in her mouth. Of course they were the same people. But if she admitted that, then she’d just give him the satisfaction of being right. And she wasn’t going to do that.

“Alright then, what do you do?” Ven asked as they reached the entrance to the inn.

Eujin walked to the fire, which had now burned down to embers, and set about stacking a set of fresh logs on top of it. He then sat cross-legged on the floor, and set about honing the dagger he’d just picked up with a dark piece of stone from one of his belt pockets.

“I do what I am paid to do.” He said

“Such as?” Ven asked, taking a seat across the fire from him. Realizing she hadn’t eaten yet, she set about ladling herself a bowl of stew from the pot next to it.

Eujin looked at her for a moment like he was considering something, then shook his head.

“Such as some things that I’d care not to remember.” He said, dragging the stone across the knife’s edge harder than normal.

“So, bad things?” Ven asked.

Eujin stopped sharpening his blade and gave her a look so cold that it immediately sent a surge of panic up her spine. It was like the look of a predator sizing up a potential meal. After a moment of his gaze boring into her, he spoke.

“What have you heard about me? Besides protecting people from monsters and evil men? Hmm?”

“...well…” Ven said, having to take a deep breath to steady herself. “I hear that you’re the best there is. And that you do everything you can to do the right thing.”

Even saying it out loud like that felt stupid, with him looking at her like that. Unable to stand it any longer, she finally turned her eyes towards the cookfire.

Eujin smiled, but the expression didn’t reach his eyes. He slid the knife into his belt and stowed the stone.

“Do you want to know the truth? I can’t remember the last time I did something solely out of the goodness of my heart. And that includes saving you.” He said. Ven went to speak, but he held up a hand to silence her and continued.

“The thing about stories people tell is that people tell the stories they want to believe. The truth is always secondary. If it would ruin the story, or cast a shadow over their perception of the world, they brush it to the side. Every time. Even about me.”

He leaned back and crossed his arms, directing his gaze to the fire.

“I am not a monster-killing hero, and I don’t do it just because I want to help. I do it because I am good at it, and people pay me well to do it. I have no cause whatsoever to do the ‘right thing’ unless doing it is better for me than not doing it. If the contract says to strangle an infant in its crib, the only thing that will keep that child alive is the price not being worth the effort.

The person in your stories? I used to be him, once. I became who I am out of a desire to get justice against someone who wronged me greatly. I would become a killer, and rid the world of evil like him. And what I found in the midst of all the brutality I used to in my pursuit to get back at that man is that by the time I got to him, I didn’t even feel angry anymore. I didn’t see the horrid monster who cut my father down, or took my mother in front of him as he died. I only saw a small, scared man sniveling and leaking snot as he begged me not to kill him. I felt nothing when my blade split his skull, and I have felt nothing else ever since.”

The look on his face changed as Ven watched him, her mind now a storm of thoughts and questions. He didn’t look sad, but there was a sadness to him all the same. He wore his loss plain on his face, and some small part of Ven wanted to reach out to comfort him. The moment passed, and the look faded back to wherever it had come from to be replaced by the same stoic expression Eujin always wore.

“Do you understand why I am telling you no? If you walk the path I walked, you will end up exactly the same. Sooner or later, the part of you that is filled with light will fade and flicker out, and what will be left behind is a tool without a purpose. Nothing more. When I returned to my home after my years hunting that man, no one recognized me. The few that finally realized who I was looked at me like I’d just shambled out of the earth. I had no home to return to anymore. The stares of fear and pity on their faces said enough. I was alone. A monster who hunted other monsters. And I felt nothing.

It was true that I didn’t get to your village in time to help, and it is true that there is still some part of me wants to choose to be the hero. While I am numb to horror and loss and pain, I am not immune to the needs of others. But, despite knowing that, and the sense of regret I feel for their loss and the suffering it has inflicted on you, I don’t know that I would have saved them, even if I could have. And for that, I am sorry.”

He looked at her again, and there was a look in his eye that was almost pleading.

“If you want to learn how to use a weapon and help other people, go find a town and join their guard. The pay is good, you will be well-regarded, and you will be able to rest your head on a pillow every night knowing that you’re doing something worthwhile. Start over, have a happy life, and forget everything else. I will give you the coin to buy your commission and arms. Say the word, and it’s yours. But I urge you not to make the same mistake I did.”

Ven stared into the fire in silence, trying to process any of what he’d just told her. She believed him, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to. If what he said was true, there would be no coming back. She would be bound to a life like this. No friends, no family, no true connection whatsoever with another living person. She’d be lying if she said that the thought didn’t terrify her.

But what did she have left to lose? She already didn’t have a home to come back to. She had no family left, no friends to lose, no village to be shunned from. She already felt numb from everything that happened. And she was angry. No matter what life she took, all of this would stick with her forever. She knew that for certain now. She would still carry herself like a person who was lost everything, and a part of themselves with it. If she was going to feel nothing, then so be it. It would be better than a life lived in pain anyways.

Ven stood and looked down at the man.

“My mind is made up. I want to learn, and I want you to teach me. Nothing you say will convince me otherwise, so don’t bother trying.” She said.

The sadness flickered again momentarily across his face before it vanished again.

“And what, exactly, do I get from that?” He asked.

“I’ll help with anything that needs helping. I’ll run errands, tend to your equipment, cook the food, and anything else you can think of.” Ven said.

“I can cook for myself, and I have little in the way of needs and things to be tended to. But if you came along, I would have significantly more to tend to, including trying to somehow maintain a low profile while being trailed by a fourteen year old girl who walks like she’s trying to stomp an insect with every step.” He said.

Ven reddened as she tried to think of what to say next. Then she remembered something, and it gave her an idea.

“Okay then.” She said. “You said you will do any job if the pay is right. How about I pay you to take me and teach me?

Eujin snorted.

“You couldn’t afford me, kid, even if this town were still standing and you gave me every copa you had saved.” He said.

“Alright then.” Ven said, turning away. She walked into the kitchen and out the back door, finally stopping at the loose brick in the rear corner of the inn. Please please please still be here and in one piece!

To her relief, the bag was still intact, and coins jingled freely as she took it from its hiding place. She turned and walked back in, stopping a few paces in front of him.

“How about a gilder for the first two weeks? Would that suffice?” She asked, taking the golden coin from the bag and flipping it to him.

For the second time in the same day, Eujin seemed caught off guard as he snatched the coin from the air. He examined it for a long moment, as if he was waiting for it to turn back into whatever she’d created it from.

He looked up at her and pursed his lips.

“How did you get this?” He asked.

“Yes, or no?” She repeated, doing her very best to look stern and serious as she did so.

Eujin looked down at the coin, chewing on the inside of his lip as he ruminated. Finally, with a loud sigh, he pocketed the coin and nodded.

“Yes.”