The Weight of a Mother — Yulan

As soon as I saw Foster’s note, I sprinted out of the house and dashed into the forest.

Images of the last moments with Linhua and Fengxin flashed in my mind, as if the present danger triggered the past:

“Mother.” Linhua clutched my hands, her breath shallow. A raging wave of monsters entered our district. Screams of horror and roars of monsters were heard, piercing through our ears. My Linhua had a weak heart, and she was feeling under the weather.

Fengxin hid under my coat, shivering. “Mama, where is papa?”

Their father, Yongxin, was in the military and had to fight the monsters. I wanted to go with him, but he insisted that I stay behind with my daughters. “I know you’re strong.” He said, his voice steady, “You’re much, much stronger than me. And that’s why you have to stay behind to guard our daughters. The attendants won’t be able to protect them.” That was the last time I saw him.

“Papa is saving us from the terrible monsters. He’ll be back soon.” I cooed, partly answering Fengxin, half comforting myself.

Linhua gagged, and I ordered the attendants to give her a cup of hot water. If only my sisters were here, they’d know how to tend to a sick child.

Suddenly, a monster broke through the walls, and the attendants shrieked. Fengxin wailed in my arms, and Linhua clutched her heart; her skin was pale, but her gaze remained unwavering.

I unsheathed my sword and slashed at the monster. It dropped dead on the ground. I sighed with relief. Unfortunately, the beast had created a large hole, and its allies poured into the house, snarling and biting on every piece of furniture.

I couldn’t remember what happened after that.

It was as if I were in a trance.

When I woke up, corpses of the monsters were scattered over the floor. Blood was dripping from my chin, and I was covered in bruises. But I had managed to fight off the wave of monsters. My sword was smeared with the beasts’ black blood, a sign of my victory.

My hands trembled. What… what had I done?

I looked around the room, but Fengxin was nowhere to be found. Linhua lay in the corner of the room, her eyes closed. “Linhua!” I yelled, cupping her face gently with my bloody hands, “Linhua. Please wake up. I can’t find your sister. I can’t lose you too…”

Linhua’s eyes fluttered open. She smiled, “Mother.” Then, she coughed, spluttering blood all over her hand. “No, Linhua. No!” I hugged her close. “Please live.” She shook her head with the bit of energy she had remaining:

“I’m sorry.”

The horrific scene replayed in my mind over and over. Until I heard the scream of a young girl, and I snapped to my senses.

A monster. It was right in front of me. And Meilin. Meilin? Why was she here?

Without thinking, I slashed the beast in half.

I turned, relief washing over me, to see the young girl carrying Foster on her back. Thank goodness. He was okay. He had sustained several injuries, but his mind remained clear.

Thankfully, Meilin and the girl weren't hurt as well. If I had been one second late, the monster would’ve already jabbed Meilin to her death.

I couldn’t let another child die.

Not again.

I carried Foster on my back and led the children back to the city. As soon as the Becherians caught sight of me with a hurt Foster behind my back, they called a doctor and sent him to the nearby hospital.

A flying cat approached Meilin and the young girl. The three of them started quarrelling playfully. Watching them, it was as if I were teleported back in time, and the scene of Linhua and Fengxin quarreling over trivial things unfolded in front of my very own eyes.

An idea popped into my mind.

“Meilin,” I called out.

The child turned her head and stared at me with large, curious eyes, “Yes?”

“You’re going to Tian Cheng soon, right?”

She nodded. “We’re probably going to leave a week later.”

“Please. Allow me to join you on your journey. I can guard you on your journey to your wish.”

"Oh—" Before Meilin could finish her sentence, the girl who was accompanying her squeaked with enthusiasm, “Of course, Ms Yulan! My name is Himari Kaji! Nice to meet you.”

Himari huh… “Nice to meet you, too.”

“It’s a pleasure to have you join us!” Himari grinned. What an energetic child.

It was like I made this decision on impulse. But I knew I had to protect the two of them. They felt like my second chance, to correct my mistakes and fill the emptiness in my heart.

I visited Foster later and informed him of my decision to leave.

“Everything I left back here would be yours from now on.”

“No way. Thank you so much, Yulan!” He smiled from ear to ear, “I promise I’ll be better at my job.”

“Take care of yourself.”

It felt painful to move on from another child I had grown fond of. But I knew that he couldn’t replace Linhua and Fengxin. He couldn’t heal a broken heart. If I stayed here, I wouldn’t be able to learn to accept my loss. Besides, Foster is turning twenty, certainly old enough to survive on his own. I knew he could take care of himself, so I didn’t have to worry too much.

I slowly stepped out of the patient room.

“Oh, and Yulan?” Foster called after me.

“Yes?”

“Help, thank the lady and the witch for me. They were so brave and kind.”

I nodded. Indeed, they were. Meilin, a beautiful lotus, is quiet and kind. Himari, a blooming sunflower, is warm and courageous. It almost feels like we’re finally reunited…

Alright. Time to go home and get some rest. I should start packing my things.

I looked up at the sky where the moon was shining, brighter than ever.

Thank you, Linhua. Thank you, Fengxin. And thank you, Yongxin.

Thank you for sending angels to help me move on.