"The Truce"

"Volley"

Christmas time is near, it's supposedly a special time for most people. However, I can't help but to care less about what Christmas is. There was never anything special besides the fact that I don't have to go to school for like three weeks. I desperately need the break, ever since I turned fifteen, Franco has been bothering me.

He always tries to talk to me, and I always have to come up with an excuse to avoid him. I don't want to talk to him, his positivity makes me sick. His constant bright outlook makes me sick. I don't like the fact that he can't see the depressing nature of the school that we attend. He doesn't see the dirt and violence of the city we live in. 

The more I try to avoid him, the more he wants to push himself onto me. I genuinely don't understand this kid. I know he's taken the hint, I know he isn't stupid. Franco is just an oddball, why does he want to keep socializing with me. 

The worst part of the day, it's the last Wednesday before I head onto winter break, but my second period class is the one that contains Franco in it. My geometry class with Mr. Rysk is a shitty class in general. I never have fun in math, and I especially don't have fun when Franco sits directly next to me. As I make my way to the classroom I'm already bracing myself for today's possible annoyance.

I take my seat, the minutes pass by as Mr. Rysk has us working on the daily warm-ups as per usual. I begin my assignment, and like if the devil has been watching me, I hear a voice.

"Johnny." Franco calls out for me.

"What do you want Franco?" I reply to his pestering with a sigh and I don't remove my eyes from my notebook.

"You're a fucking asshole Johnny." Franco states rather bluntly.

I never thought that I would hear that kid call me that. Then again, a few months ago with his comments about me and Lynn, he's full of surprises. 

Franco then continues as I chose to surpass his first claim, "I tried to be your goddamn friend Johnny. You treat me like shit when I'm only trying to be nice to you." Franco begins to raise his voice in an already quite loud classroom. The teacher isn't a strict one, hell I don't think any teacher in this school gets paid enough to care. I'm surprised that a lot of these teachers can even afford cars, let alone dinner.

I drop my pencil and turn around to give him an uninterested look at his antics, "What are you getting at?" I ask him with a monotone expression.

He then gives me a fierce look, "You know what Johnny, this is why you are so fucking lonely. You close everyone out from you, even those who try to be nice to you." Franco sounds like he's making a speech, or confronting me during an intervention.

"Okay?" I ask with sarcasm, "Maybe I'm a lonely asshole who doesn't deserve friends." I respond with more sarcasm.

"See, you're blind toward anything positive. You are sickening." Franco says to me with fire in his voice. He then sits back in his seat and closes his eyes, "This is probably what drove your father out of your life." Franco states.

At that moment, instead of feeling like I'm dealing with a temper tantrum, I felt genuinely offended. Who the fuck does this kid think he is? The steam in my body begins to power my movement like an uncontrollable locomotive. 

I respond with wit, "Woah there buddy," I say with violence, "I know you aren't talking about me Franco, because even without my father at least my parents don't rely on welfare checks to eat dinner every night." I respond to him with no filter. 

Franco takes a moment backward, he then leans toward me with more fire. The class begins to stare at our engagement, and I can feel too many eyes on me, "Well...," he starts, "at least my brother didn't die of a heroin overdose, and at least my sister didn't run away to get impregnated by her prison escapee boyfriend in Texas." He says these words quite quietly.

The class stares at me, and I stare at him. Violence and malice fill my face. How fucking dare this kid?! He doesn't know shit about my life. Fuck my siblings, they are the idiots who killed themselves. I feel like punching him, I feel rage and insanity within my body. I would have no remorse hurting this kid right now, I don't care who he is. I can't stand him. 

I don't have the guts to hurt him right now, "Fuck you Franco." I say firmly.

The teacher then takes notice to the exchange and interrupts our little moment. Franco is moved to a seat opposite of the classroom to me, he switches with a random guy that I don't know. Maybe this is a blessing since now I don't have to deal with Franco's constant annoyance. However, I still feel that deep rooted rage inside of me. I want justice for the words that were said to me. How dare he?!

"Christmas Morning"

Christmas is usually seen as an important day to most, however to myself there really isn't much going on. In recent years my mother has had to work on Christmas, she doesn't get many days off of work within a year. So, I'm just by myself every Christmas like it's an ordinary day. She doesn't work long on Christmas, but she still works. She left me some gifts that I opened, it was the usual stuff which is mostly clothes. I definitely appreciate clothing as clothes are important to anybody. 

I wonder why Christmas is such an important time for everyone, you can basically refer to this day as 'Capitalist Day,' and I recently discovered that Jesus wasn't even born on this day. He may not have been born in December. A bunch of religious figures just agreed on a random day in the year to celebrate Jesus' birthday. Even then, I'm not a religious person, nor is my mother, so it's not even important to us to celebrate Christmas. However, I do appreciate the clothes that I got. A new shirt, a new pair of dark blue jeans, and a pack of boxers because I go through underwear quite rapidly. 

There is something slightly repulsing about family dedicating a day to spend with each other. Mothers and fathers with their sons and daughters, aunts and uncles visiting their nieces and nephews. It's a strange thing to think about when it comes to family structure. I wonder if my mom has any siblings, she surely hasn't talked about them, but who knows if they do exist.

As I was surrounding myself in monotonous thought, a knock on the door pierced through my heart in a strange fashion. It knocked me out of my thoughts and back to the reality of being in a cheap apartment on a winter day.

The knock on the door persists, and I think to myself, 'who the hell wants to visit a dinky little apartment on Christmas day?' I don't really even attempt to speculate who could be at the door, I just contemplate whether I should even open it or not.

My contemplation brought me to a memory, a memory from about three years ago on this very day.

Christmas morning three years ago. This was the first of the next few Christmases that my mother would be working, I wasn't phased about it at the time, she worked other holidays, what difference did it make if it was that day. However, I was alone with my feelings toward the holiday, my grandfather managed to surprise me with a visit.

I remember his words, after a knock on the door I opened to find my old man standing in the cold but completely indifferent to the temperature, "I don't want you to spend this Christmas alone Johnny, I know it might be wrong of me to leave your grandma and great grandma alone today, but they understand." He told me when I opened the door.

That was one of the few times I genuinely smiled for another person. I let him in and we hung out watching movies, he was a total film buff and had DVD's in his little bag that he brought with him. He also brought a cot to sleep on that he packed in his truck since he would stay the night. It was a four hour drive to his house so it was best if he stayed at least one night. 

Unfortunately, history didn't repeat itself, my grandfather was unable to leave the house due to my great grandmother's health and I haven't gotten a visit like that since. 

This time around, after remembering what had happened back then, I decide to open the door to see who it is. However, upon opening the door I discover a familiar face that I didn't expect nor want to expect on a day like this. That face...was Franco.

"Oh...," I state in disbelief and disappointment, "What the hell do you want from me?" I ask with the least amount of aggression I could show.

He stood there for a moment and looked at me with shyness. He then places his hand behind his head and begins to speak, "Listen," he begins, "about what I said in class a week ago...," he pauses, "I'm sorry Johnny. I don't know why I was acting like that and I said hurtful things." He is apologizing to me, "It was wrong of me to say things as personally as that, and it was wrong of me to be so hostile toward you." As he apologizes, I feel this sense of sincerity, so much so that my own attitude shifts.

I feel bad for the kid, I let go of what he told me back then, "Well Franco, I accept your uh...," I stumble with my words a bit, "I accept your apology, but it's hard to forgive what you did say to me. I am sorry I said personally things too, you don't have to forgive me yourself." I explain my hesitation.

"I understand Johnny," He gives me a solemn look as he drops his hand back to his side, "That's why I would like to propose a truce between us." He proposes and puzzles me as to what he is trying to do. "We've been at odds for a little while now," he proceeds to elaborate, "so, I think we should 'cease fire' on this holiday." He expresses his ideas, and then he darts his hand out toward me in a position to be shaken.

I look at him perplexingly, "I don't think you quite understand where you are mistaken Franco." I explain to him, "You force yourself to be nice to people to make them your friend, but that doesn't necessarily work." I tell him, "There's a reason somebody like me might not want to get so close to people, I distance myself for a reason, hell look at this apartment I live in, nobody wants to visit this place. Nobody cares about this place." Franco puts his head down as I say these words, "You seem to have a nice life Franco, stop trying to force your sunshine down on me."

"I'm sorry then Johnny, I just wanted to be cool with you at least this day." He responds to me sadly, barely lifting his head.

"You know, you're not a bad person Franco," he looks up, "I'm just the wrong person to make amends with. Maybe I turn down your kindness, but not everyone will feel the same way Franco. There are better people than me in this world Franco."

"Well to be honest, I kind of wanted to see you smile, and be the person to bring you a smile. I forced myself onto you because I thought that's what you do with people who shut themselves away from everyone." Franco explains his intentions to me. "I got frustrated that nothing was working so I snapped at you, I'm sorry Johnny." He apologizes once more.

"It's no worry." I tell him. It genuinely isn't much of a worry to me, I don't care anymore and honestly after that day I didn't really care at all. I continue to exposit my self-analysis onto Franco, "Listen, you are a good person, but I'm not really a good person. I do my own thing, and I cannot be changed." I mean my words, but something deep down tells me that I want to change. However, something else tells me that things are fine how they are.

Franco then turned around without a word and slowly walked away into the open hallways of my apartment building. He walked down the stairs to the ground level and I watched him walk out of the front gate. I then closed the door after witnessing such an occasion. I let Franco down, I did it in the worst way possible. However, I think he's too good of a person, too positive to deal with someone like me. I hope everyone has a merry Christmas.