CORPORATE RETREAT - PART III

The ground recedes, rushing below me, then floods back like undulating waves.

As the dust and debris gives way to the spray of sea-foam, I can finally take in what has happened... and what has ahold of me.

“Help! Heeeeeeeelp! Helphelphelphelphelphelp...”

I am not proud of how I acted. I was rightly terrified of what had befallen me.

A mass of writhing tentacles quivered and swarmed all about. Their pulsating pressure and slick slimy surface enough to make even the most ardent degenerate fear for their very virtue.

A gargantuan squid had surfaced at the ocean’s edge.

I can see the serious expressions of my fellow Returners through the affray, faces scrunched in grim determination. Otrera pointing and yelling. Meganie, tablet in hand, curious to see what happens to me.

Betrayal! Betrayal! I would never just watch if it were the other way round... well, OK. Maybe a little, but-

At my own hypocrisy, I accept my fate.

I deserve to be violated for seeing the appeal.

That classic black bikini contrasting with her pale skin is all I can focus on to get me through. Even as the deep pink of her eyes twinkle at me more now in my hour of need than even at her most advanced piece of lab equipment.

Am I naught but a specimen to you, Anie?

She’s always buttoned up in that white labcoat, which does nothing for her complexion, so every opportunity I get to see her as a woman is welcome.

Not to mention Otrera’s athletic appeal – royal purple against healthy tan and raven black – or the buff bodies of Boudiceas, Brunhild, and several Onna-Bugeisha as they fend off, or are bound by, bulging tentacles.

What a glorious way to die! Surrounded by beautiful Valkyries!

Speaking of which, as I bumble between desperation and desire, a blonde haired, brassy skinned, bronze chainmail bikinied shieldmaiden is scooped up and violated beside me. Horn helmed, winged heeled, and waling about as much as myself, even if I am enjoying the view.

“What kind of emotional reaction is that?”

The sound of disappointment crackles to life in my ear.

Meganie has commandeered a computer from somewhere in the hotel and started running diagnostics with her data slate, firing up the nano machines for comms, “That thing is a kaiju.”

Oh great... I get to die by copyrighted material, not just some ecchi artist’s fetish piece.

Her tone flat and serious. “I’ll keep analysing and let you know if anything comes up!”

I go to thank my partner, but the coiling limb of the collossal squid squeezes the air out of my lungs. Blood centrifuged to by brain as it waves me around like a monstrous baby with a rattle.

After managing to gradually extract myself a little from the cephalopod’s tightening grip, at least enough to release my diaphragm and breathe again, the rush of oxygen only makes me more disorientated.

Frantic noises from below.

The heroes of the Returns Agency, in skirmishing formations, weather the storm of lashing tentacles to encircle the beast. They have not gained any ground or pushed it back yet, nor even injured the thing with their lack of proper equipment, but at least it is contained enough now to limit further collateral damage.

Panicked noises in my ear.

The jittery ramblings of Meganie scrolling through what limited information she can bring up on such a poor improvised connection. References to devilfish, leviathan, kraken, and more are reeled off, but there’s little of use other than the monster more likely being related to octopi than squid.

When I can get my eyes to focus through the motion blur I suppose I can see it. Bit more of a bulbous head, less defined dorsal frills, its own eyes darting about to keep track of so many threats.

I miss working in an aquarium where an octopus isn’t any bigger than my torso.

As my fellow Returners tighten the perimeter, so too does the tentacle around my legs. My pelvis aching under the unnatural pressure.

Shudders ripple through the monster as tactics change below. Smoke screens, barrages of rocks, sand in the eyes, anything to disorientate and demoralise.

A wail erupts from the giant – pathetic almost – and before I know it, blackness.

The last words of Meganie come through garbled by thick static, “...eat him...” and then all is void.

Dull thuds about the beast’s body from projectiles.

The groan if its muscles from shifting such bulk.

My own body on the point of collapse from yet more force around me.

The tentacle at my waist still gripping tight.

Wait... why hasn’t it chewed or swallowed me yet?

Less discombobulating than being waggled about its distended cranium, I get a feel for what the creature is currently doing. Like a pilot sitting in a fleshy mecha. It’s not trying to attack. Limbs only lashing out as people get too close.

It’s scared and defending itself!

But why am I just being held in its mouth?

“...en?!.” the fizz of interference in my ear.

I feel the pressure about my upper half relax enough to be disturbingly reminded that I am effectively being sucked on like anyone else would an iced lolly at the beach

 “Ke-” more static and missed syllables “-ld on!”

A concussive force.

A great trembling.

And I’m free.

At least from the kaiju’s mouth.

My captor cries and reverts to waving me and the other captives about; their swimwear barely staying attached

Tck...

This time I am closer to its ‘face’, or whatever passes for a cheek.

I see what looks like the remnants of some burning vodka bottles near its most forward tentacles. None have been charred yet, as flames lick limply at the shore, only to be hindered by the tideline. Though the heat is beginning to rise.

I look back to the beast and am met with such sorrow and sadness in its giant bulging eye, that, if it could cry, there would be a torrent of tears – it’s totally terrified; same – and my heart aches for it.

Animals always fear fire.

It doesn’t mean anything by its actions.

It’s not a predator here for hunting, nor to commit malicious acts.

Something is deeply amiss

 “Ken! You’re alive! Thank-”

I cut Meganie off and beg her to tell the others to pull back. Give the creature some space, put out the flames, and let me try something.

She’s shocked, but agrees.

It takes a little while to disseminate among the heroes. Sock Duty doesn’t hold much sway, but Janus appears to have arrived on site – I assume to try and create a gateway to extract us through – and I know he’ll convince everyone for me.

What part of space squid could be turned into a door? No wait, never mind!

The molotovs are extinguished and the defensive line retreats. Giving me just enough time to finish using the drool I’d been covered in as lubricant to free my hand, wipe my face clean-ish, and reach out towards the great quivering wall of flesh.

“Hey, there... it’s ok! Shh, shh, shh...” I try to calm the creature. “The scary people will leave you alone now.”

As I keep rubbing at the beast’s forehead, its eye next to me rotates up, staring directly into my soul.

“Oh, who’s been so brave? It’s you!” The terror that was ever mounting while the fire blazed and battle waged wavers at my words, “Now be a good boy, girl, er... cephalopod.”

Its wailing soothed to a less strained timbre, the kaiju’s tone almost sounds placated.

I can’t believe I was right!

As I continue my efforts at calming the giant octopus, I throw a message over to Meganie, “Could we get all the raw seafood the hotel has on hand?”

“What?” her confusion palpable through the nano-machine transceiver. “O-OK...”

Eventually, everyone on deck starts a relay between the kitchens and the beach front.

Buckets and crates of fish, shelled or otherwise, end up decanted before the blubberous baby. As it eats, it squeals with happiness, all concern from the recent ruckus, and looming threat posed by the lingering heroes, quickly forgotten.

Again, it shakes me like a rattle.

Yup, definitely a child.

Once its joyous flailings subside, and my head stops spinning again, I move onto securing my freedom.

“Can you put me down, please?” I keep petting the huge cheek as it merrily munches away, “I can’t feel my legs.”

It becomes petulant, throwing up its other limbs in protest.

“Now, now! No throwing a tantrum. I’m not going anywhere.” I try to reassure it that I’ll stay, I’ll keep stroking them while they eat, but the creature will not be mollified. “Well, I guess someone wants to be covered in pee!”

I don’t actually need the bathroom – my bladder has probably been crushed closed permanently – but it’s the kind of thing that gets through, even to a titanic toddler, some sense of urgency.

It places me down instantly with a slight flick, same as how you’d shake your hand after handling something gross. A vibration runs through the infant kaiju. Whatever its approximation of a giggle would be at my toilet humour.

“Oh, who’s so good! Thanks for that.” I rub my legs and do some stretches. Squatting on the spot to get a bit of mobility back into them while still stroking the octopus intermittently, “You eat up then have a nap or you’ll get cranky!”

How is this working?!.

The nano-machines must be burning themselves out in droves to translate everything into stellar-cephalopod-ese, if they even can, but I’m just grateful to be free, and for the situation to be mostly resolved.

“Ken!” Meganie chirps in my ear, “I’m getting some major interference, there’s someth-”

Before she can finish, the sky is filled with inky black. Waves turn choppy, tides turbulent, and the world is filled with charged ions and the oily stink of petrichor.

KKKRRRAAAKKK!!!

With a violent thunder, the static breaks, as does the roiling cloud-bank above.

Down descends the arm of god.

A tentacle ten miles long.

The baby next to me seems to pout at being taken from the food, though not without dropping the rest of its toys, and shovelling as much into its maw as possible first.

Warrior women, some returned without their swimwear, shaken off in the tumult – finally – sprint toward their fellow Returners, beach towels in hand to cover them... drat.

Our infrant guest eventually reaches up its own limbs to grasp the one proffered by the heavens. Apparently, finally satiated after a a metric tonne of sashimi grade produce.

We all stand aghast as the gigantic octopus is lifted bodily from the shore and hoisted into the sky with ease. Plucked from a crater that’s quickly filled with seawater and gradually washed away.

It waves to me with someone's leopard print bra and seems to burble a goodbye.

Then silence.

The skies clear.

The turbulence subsides.

Everything returns to peaceful beach... minus the desolation.

Janus demands debriefing.

Figures...