Off balance

I stood with my back to the Spiritless Tree and almost didn't hear his footsteps over the wavering rush of my breathing.

Loud, off balance, and aggressive, just as he was.

Spots of ink from the note I had left him marked my clasped hands as brought them to my mouth and tried to get my lungs back under control. The high-pitched whistle in my ears only seemed to worsen and I knew how easy it would be to leave without a trace. There had to be another way to end this problem once and for all without anyone suffering any permanent damage.

“Did I get here too early?” muttered Toshi's father. “There's no one here.”

He didn't sound like someone who was thinking twice about their horrible plans to abduct his daughter and her companions, and sell them off to whoever would pay him the most. He didn't sound like a father who cared at all about what such a lifestyle would do to her. I peeked around the trunk, just far enough to see his weak shadow on the yellowed grass and confirm where he was standing, before turning into a phoenix.

“How long are they going to take?” His impatience rang in the silence of the Jaw like a iron blade stripping a copper shield.

There wasn't enough mist to fool him. I was running out of time. My wings didn't feel like they belonged to me as I hopped into the canyon and took flight, emerging further day so he wouldn't see me and circling back. As expected, the sound of my wings against the air drew him closer to the edge as he peered over, looking around for the source of the noise. I landed behind him and transformed back into a human only once my feet had touched the ground.

He smelt like ash and ale. I trembled even as I extended my hands. If he turned around now, it was over for me. And Toshi. And anyone else who visited Uchi's shop and wasn't strong enough to defend themselves. The breath rushed from my lungs in an involuntary gasp, squeezed out by the tension around my lungs. He started to look around for the cause of the new noise and my palms collided with his shoulder blades before I could breathe in again.

Loudly, off balance, and aggressively.

I close my eyes but that didn't block out the panic that burst from him in the form of a strangled choke, the frantic movement of his feet on the rim of the Jaw as he tried to steady himself, and the cry that broke free as he failed. I had to imagine the terrible sounds Toshi and the others would make if I let him and his companions have their way today. It was the only way I could force my eyes open and scan my ink-stained hands for any trace of the crime they had just committed.

The fog that filled the gorge was untouched. There was no sign that a man had fallen into its depths, lost forever, now unable to even beg for mercy or seek redemption for his actions no matter how much he might have wanted to. Because I had taken the chance from him and no one else could give it back.

I dropped down onto all fours and threw up. A vile parting gift. One I hoped would never reach him, regardless of how much he might have deserved it. Tear drops followed the contents of my stomach and I wondered if I deserved to shed them after everything I had just done. His last moments were etched onto my palms, his terror reflected in every shudder of my own body, and I would never know exactly when he died, only that he had.

I had killed someone.

I had saved someone.

Was that enough to right the balance? Was this sacrifice enough to ensure everlasting safety? Or would the friends of Toshi's father carry out the plan without him, even if they never found out what happened to him. I wanted his disappearance to place fear in their hearts. I wanted them to change their ways. I wanted to keep everyone I cared about safe.

But that didn't mean I wanted to become a murderer.

Even if it was the one and only time I would do such a thing.

- - -

“You know, I'm surprised you decided to work with Aoto,” said Yor, leaning against the smooth walnut oak counter where I was sorting out bunches of herbs.

“Why?” I asked.

We had never run out of supplies since Aoto had become my business partner and he never did anything to imply that I was anything less to him.

“I thought you wanted to help the people of Outer Town more,” he replied, smoothing his braid and waving at a group of young adults walking past the shop.

They waved back, some trying to suppress smiles and laughter, others blushing like bruised peaches.

“I can help more people from here,” I said, placing the bundles into the appropriate drawers that had proved for more efficient than uncatalogued bags stuffed into the corner of a small medical room. “I made sure my repeat customers from Outer Town know where to find me.”

“But would they come all the way here?”

“I did.” I shrugged but he was right.

I hadn't seen as many of my previous customers since moving to Inner Town. While I hoped that meant they were doing well in the meantime, I had sensed the uncurrent of worry and resentment from many of them once I had announced my plans to change location.

“You did it to save someone,” he said and my heart skipped a beat. “Sadly lots of people don't value themselves as much, especially when they need extra care.”

“I know but it's not like I can move back to Inner Town now.” I gestured at the fancy polished beams and storage units overflowing with herbs, powders, poultices and other natural remedies in both their raw and prepared forms. “I even signed a contract.”

“What if you don't have to move back?” He grinned as my eye brows lifted. “I have an idea.”

“Let me guess.” I smiled back at him. “It's one that all of us will like.”

He responded with an open armed shrug of his own. “I'll do my best.”

- - -

“Tatsu, what are you doing here?” I asked as the fair haired youth as he joined us behind the stall carrying a large rounded bag.

The girl sitting atop the stool in front of me twisted her head to get a good look at him and I slapped a poultice onto her neck burn with a little more force than I intended to. She winced but still didn't look away.

“I came to help,” he said, already arranging seats to maximise the limited space we had and setting round white and blue cushions down upon each one.

“I thought you were training with Washi today,” I wrapped a bandage around her neck to keep the herb mixture in place, tying it expertly once I was done. “He looked like he was really looking forward to it.”

“He was but you're only doing this today and we can train another time.” He approached me, the bag now hanging emptily at his side. “Besides even he said it was okay.”

Washi had always been a polite child, much like his brother, but I sometimes caught traces of disappointment beneath his smiles. He never said anything and never forced his feelings on other people, even when doing so would have been better for him. It was probably one of the reasons why Toshi was able to push him around so easily.

“Does he ever say otherwise?” I asked, patting my current patient's shoulder. “You can go now.”

“Thank you so much, Shizuka,” said the girl. “I know it'll feel better soon. You will come back again someday, won't you?”

“I'll see if we can make some kind of arrangement that suits everyone,” I replied, making a mental note to speak to Aoto about setting up this healing stall every so often.

Seemingly satisfied, she left the shelter of the stall Yor and Kohaku had set up, passing the queue of mostly sick and injured people that has been slowly reducing in length over the last few hours. It hadn't been that long since I moved to Inner Town but the strong reek of unhealthy bodies already seemed a lot more pungent than I remembered it being. The unwell in Inner Town usually tried to hide their lack of health with expensive fragrances and tonics. A luxury that no one in Outer Town seemed to have any knowledge of or access to.

“Do you think I should have brought him with me?” asked Tatsuya, his gaze downcast.

“No, it's probably a good thing you didn't,” I told him. I gestured at the person at the front of the line and identified the infection on their thigh even before they managed to sit down in front of me. “He probably would have been bored, hanging around here with people he doesn't know.”

“That's what I thought too.” He sounded pleased with himself but the sight of the infected boil on the man's leg soured his expression. “Um, is there anything I can do?”

“Could you see how many people are just here to collect something?” I asked, folding the hem of the patient's loose trousers back on itself a few times so I could see the boil properly. “Could you ask them to make a new line as well please?”

“Okay,” he said, pushing past the curtains that depicted a small dark brown boat sailing across a lake overlooked by misty blue-grey mountains.

Over the high counter, I watched him speak to each person in turn and remembered how hard it had been for him to make eye contact with anyone properly in the early days of our friendship. Some of them shook their heads at him but the movement no longer made him panic. Some nodded and seemed a little uncertain about forming a new queue until I waved at them from within the confines of the stall.

He seemed fine until a stranger with brown hair twisted into a knot atop his head approached him. The same man who had been lingering close by without joining the line like everyone else. Tatsuya shook his head in response to whatever the stranger had asked him, more than once, and his shoulders started to creep up towards his ears as the older person's gestures became more aggressive.

He turned back towards the stall and I beckoned to him, quickly fixing yet another compress to the infected area I had just washed and cleaned as much as my patient's pain tolerance had allowed me to. Tatsuya nodded at me and then pointed me out to the person questioning him, who approached me immediately.

“Take one of the cards over there,” I said to my patient as I helped him back up onto his feet. “My new shop is in Inner Town. I'll be able to treat it better there.”

“Will they let me in?” he asked, his ageing eyes watery.

“Just show them the card and mention the name Aoto,” I said quickly. “If that doesn't work, I'll come and see you again as soon as I can.”

“May the powers bless you, Shizuka,” he said as he hobbled out through the curtains, picking up a business card on his way out.

“Are you the healer who used to work with Uchi?” asked the one who had been harassing Tatsuya.

“I am,” I replied, waving at Tatsuya who kept looking back at the stall even as he continued his mission.

“That must mean you know where my niece is,” he said, placing his hands on the counter between us.

There was something oddly familiar about the shape of his brown eyes.

“Your niece?” I shook my head and could fit his face into any of my memories no matter how carefully I studied it. “I'm not sure. I don't think we've met before?”

“My name is Ras,” he said. “I'm looking for my niece, Toshiko. I heard you were one of the last people to see her and her father in the same place.”

“I do remember meeting them both in Uchi's shop a while ago.” I tucked my hands into my sleeves and grabbed my wrists, which seemed to steady my voice. “But I believe an agreement was made between them and someone else from Inner Town. So I'm afraid I cannot tell you any more than that.”

“I need to see her,” he hissed, leaning forward. “She needs to know that her father has been missing for weeks.”

“He's missing?” I asked. The echo of a desperate cry bounced around inside the confines of my skull which suddenly seemed tighter.

“That's right,” he answered, staring at me as if he could see his brother's death imprinted on my features. “He never goes away for this long without telling me. He didn't even leave a note.”

“Perhaps he just forgot to this time?” I suggested, pressing my nails into my wrists until the pain distracted me from the ropes coiling around my lungs.

“He wouldn't do that,” said Ras. “Not if he was planning to go away for this long. He knows how much I hate not knowing what he's up to.”

I didn't want to ask but it would have been more suspicious not to.

“Then what do you think has happened to him?” Each word left me like an ice cold breath.

“I don't know,” he replied, pointing at me. “I was hoping you could tell me. I hear you're very good at finding people.”

Unfortunately for him, he had no idea that I was also good at losing them.