Call me if you need me

Adult Tatsuya's voice cut the memories in half and I was back in the bedroom with him sitting next me, my mind whistling, my palms suddenly coated in a layer of guilt that no one else could see.

“Why do you need to talk to her privately?”

“The others have told me nothing convincing,” replied Aoto as he stopped beside the bed, his arms folded behind his back, eyes slowly roving Tatsuya's face and then mine. “I want to make sure it's really her before we share any of our plans.”

Despite the sharp edge to his movements, he didn't exude as much hostility as he had during our last encounter with one another. If anything, the small lines between his eyebrows faded as soon as we looked at each other. Was it because he had no idea I was a murderer? Of course he had no idea. Ras has been right.

I had killed his brother and I knew why.

But did that mean I was responsible for all of the other deaths. Had I attacked Ras after that day in Outer Town to protect my secret? I wanted to reach into my skull and yank the memories out. Spread them out across the mattress and kick all three of them out of the room so I could examine them without disturbance.

Because if it was true, if I had killed more people, there was no way any of them would ever look at me the same. Admitting it would be like handing them a reason to abandon me and I needed to be completely sure I deserved that before I accepted my fate.

“Shizu, is that okay?” asked Tatsuya. “If you want me to stay I will.”

“I don't mind talking to him alone,” I said. “Is it okay if we join everyone else once we're done here?”

Washi glanced at us, his hands hovering above the tray as if he wanted to steal a snack without being caught. Tatsuya nodded but didn't look at Aoto as he spoke again.

“Call me if you need me,” he said. “We can always get everyone to talk in here instead.”

I smiled as if I hadn't just remembered betraying their seemingly limitless trust in me ten years ago. Aoto moved out of his way as Tatsuya walked towards the bedroom door, tapping Washi's elbow on the way. His younger brother waved at us and popped something that looked like a finger shaped cake into his mouth before following him out.

“How much do you remember?” said Aoto as soon as the door closed and he had turned back towards me.

“Oh? So you already know it's really me?” I replied.

“Yes.” He folded his hands behind his back but his posture remained tense as if his confidence were a bluff. “And apparently so do you now.”

“Yeah.” I laughed into my hand, then rubbed the side of my forehead with it. “Yeah, I do.”

“But you don't remember everything yet, do you?” His eyes narrowed behind his glasses and it seemed like I wasn't the only one on the verge of a dangerous gamble.

“Not everything. Definitely not enough,” I said. Though his expression didn't change, his impatience started to gnaw on the corner of my shoulder. “That's why I have questions.”

“So do I,” he said carefully. “A significant number of them, I might add.”

“Can I ask something first?” I said, holding my stomach.

His gaze flicked down to the placement of my hand and back up to face. “You may.”

“Thank you.” I pointed in the direction of the table. “Could you pass me that tray first?”

- - -

“How are you feeling, Shizu?” asked Yua as soon as I walked into the room. “I heard the Inquisitors gave you and Tatsuya a hard time.”

“Tatsuya had it worse,” I said lightly as the aforementioned person gestured towards the side of the small oriental sofa that was closer to what appeared to be a bamboo coffee table with a rounded metal depression at its centre containing incense blocks that resembled lumps of coal and gave off a mild sandalwood-like scent as they burned. “Long time no see, Yor.”

The man sitting next to Yua smiled and the brightness of his eyes threatened to burn away the accountability that burrowed deep in my mind like the tumour had been. Thanks to the memories, my meeting with Yor wasn't half as awkward as my reunion with the others had been but I still wasn't sure exactly how he viewed me after all this time.

Every footstep both solidified my existence in the world I had ejected from and blew my mind. The texture of my kimono, the brush of Tatsuya's fingers upon the back of my hand as he helped me settle down next to him, and the stiffness of the cushion beneath me felt like potential triggers. The phoenix inside me tried its best to settle down but its wings remained half raised.

I wanted to fly away.

I wanted to tell them all everything.

“I'm sure Tatsu's already said it but thank you for saving us last night,” I said. “We might not have escaped them completely but I'm sure those arrows would've done a lot more damage if you hadn't warned us.”

“I don't know if you remember but I promised to protect you all a long time ago,” he replied. “You're welcome though.”

“I might not remember but I believe you.” I smiled. “Thanks to that, I got to meet you again.”

“Do you still not remember how you're still alive?” He glanced sideways at Yua before leaning forward with his large forearms resting on his knees and gesturing apologetically. “Wait, do you even remember the day you – left us?”

“This isn't the time to be talking about that,” said Tatsuya and Kohaku, who sat opposite Yor and whom he seemed to be mirroring, nodded.

“Actually I think it's best we fill in as many spaces for her as possible,” said Aoto as he sat down in an armchair at the head of both sofas and crossed one leg over the other. “That way Shizuka can make an informed decision about her plans once we get to that point.”

“So you finally believe it's her then?” asked Yua, smiling at Washi as he handed her a pretty round teacup with a white bird painted onto its handless surface.

“Without a doubt,” replied the owner of the house.

“What changed your mind?” She rested her cup in the palm of her other hand and inhaled the mild lemon-like fragrance that rose from within it.

“That would be telling.” He sounded impatient instead of smug.

“Did you get to talk properly?” asked Tatsuya quietly as he turn towards me.

“To be honest, Tatsu and Aoto have already told me most of what I need to know.” I nodded at the dark haired man and he nodded back. “I know I'm a psychic warrior from Outer Town with a healing ability that helped Aoto choose me as a business partner. And I know he's a elemental wielder who uses lightning from Inner Town.”

“That's a good start,” said Yor, thanking Washi as he was also handed a steaming cup. “What do you remember about us?”

“You and Yua are both psychic warriors too, from Inner Town, as well as engineer partners,” I replied, glancing at the two seated on the same sofa as me. “Kohaku is another elemental wielder who uses metal. She came from Outer Town with me and works as the captain of Aoto's personal guard.”

“Don't make it sound like I have to listen to him,” she groaned, covering her face with a hand but grinning as Washi gave her her own cup. “He just helps me and my group stay out of trouble until he can't stop us.”

“Don't remind me,” said Aoto, sounding genuinely resigned to his fate. “I would have sent you all back to where you came from if Shizuka hadn't made you part of her terms.”

“Cold hearted cat,” muttered Kohaku. “You know the only reason you still have a mouth on that face of yours is because she made you part of her conditions too.”

If I hadn't known better, I might have thought the two of them were lifelong rivals instead of childhood friends. Yet there was a warm wind flowing beneath their banter that had never existed in the words I shared with Tina growing up in the other world. Possibly because they only time we ever really spoke was when we had a disagreement.

“I know Washi and Tatsu are shapeshifters. Oh thanks.” I smiled up at Washi and took the cup of lemon tea he held out to me. “Washi's an eagle and Tatsu's a dragon. They both came from Inner Town and now they work as contract bodyguards, mostly for travellers.”

“It helps us get by,” said Tatsuya, passing his cup to Kohaku before taking the second one his brother offered him. “And stops us from being tied down anywhere. We can move around and settle down wherever we want.”

“That's bound to be helpful later on,” said Yua, smiling down at her cup as Yor laughed and Tatsuya hid his blush behind a raised forearm.

“Can you stop?” he complained, eyes lowered as if to prevent me from accidentally making eye contact with him.

“Did you find Toshi yet?” I asked, looking at Washi instead as he sat down beside Yua.

“Not yet,” he said. “But I'm sure she'll be back soon. It's easy to lose track of time when you move that fast.”

“True.” I scanned the corners of the room just to make sure. “But I was hoping I could talk to her – and the rest of you – about what you all remember from that day.”

“That day?” asked Tatsuya.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I've got the gist of it but I don't – I'd like to hear what happened the day I fell and what each of you remembers about it all.”

The words were enough to rouse more memories and give me some of the answers I had been hoping to find since I returned to this world a day ago.