Bargaining

WHAT sighed. "I warned you not to underestimate her." He started walking. "I told you to kill her first!"

The last Delkin that ever lived stood a short distance from its own body, baffled. She spotted her head lying on the chamber floor.

"How did she kill me? How is this even possible!?  My scales are nearly impenetrable—they absorb magic!"

WHAT corrected her, "Had scales that absorb magic. You’re dead now. You have nothing but your soul." He gestured at the severed head. "She chopped your head off. Duh."

"But how did she chop my head off? That shouldn't be possible!"

WHAT considered the question. "I’m not certain either, but I noticed she used her ribbon." He pointed to the floor between the head and body. "Hard to see, but that tiny thing there—it’s her ribbon. She tied it around your neck and shrank it. One moment..."

WHAT hopped toward the ribbon while shrinking himself. He vanished—then popped back into existence. "She combined hardening and shrinking magic. Both symbols were on the strip of wood. The fabric kept the wood from touching your scales." He wiggled his fingers theatrically, as if evaporating someone's hopes and dreams directly into the void. "Maaagic!"

A ribbon appeared in his hands. WHAT tied it around his neck. "Watch." The ribbon shrank and kept shrinking until his head plopped onto the floor in front of the Delkin’s soul. His head muttered, "Thanks to your idiotic failure, I now have to find some other way to kill her." Then he picked it up and popped it back on.

He then used some invisible force to pull the Delkin's soul toward him and formed a balloon around it. The word VILLAIN appeared on its side—then both WHAT and the balloon popped out of existence.

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Maizy stood over her mother’s body, still refusing to believe she was gone.

There's GOT to be a way!

She activated her serpent vision—maybe it could show her something. It did.

WHOAH!

All around her stood the souls of hundreds of kads. They were only faint outlines, but one was unmistakable by its size—Branch.

"Oh, Branch! Is that you?" Maizy’s voice rasped. "I’ll miss you so much!" Tears streamed down her face as Branch reached toward her, trying to pat her head. His hand slipped right through.

"Is my mom here?" Maizy asked. Branch nodded and pointed to an adult-sized soul right beside her.

"I’m sorry I couldn’t save you!" Maizy wailed. "I love you!"

Maizy let herself slide from Mom’s body onto the courtyard. She lay on her back, her mass tail pressing her down, heavy with sadness. Mom’s soul looked down, eyes full of love for her little kaydee.

Mom’s soul reached down to pat her head.

WHAT WAS THAT!?  Maizy rolled over and sat up in shock.  I FELT THAT!

"MOM! Try again!" Mom reached to touch her face, but this time Maizy felt nothing.

What was different?  She lay back down. "One more time."

Mom reached down once more—again, nothing.

I was making myself heavy!  "One more time, Mom!" She made herself heavy, and this time she felt her mother’s hand. It still slipped through, but the sensation was real.

Then a thought struck her.  Maybe it WASN’T CPR that brought Path back to life!

Maizy looked down at her mom’s broken body. Even if she put the soul back, Mom would just die again.

Then an idea slammed into her mind—like a Delkin’s head crashing straight into the Post Office.

Bargaining. It's one of the stages of grief, right?

"THEE!" Maizy cried in her high-pitched, raspy, not-quite-ready voice. "I’M WILLING TO TEACH YOU CPR!"

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Time stopped. THEE, god of mysteries, wiggled herself into existence beside Maizy—who now stood outside her own body, next to Mom. THEE wore the brightest, broadest smile. An invisible barrier rippled outward from Maizy, shoving all the souls back—except Mom’s.

"Ooh! This is so exciting!" THEE shrank to kad-size and leaned closer. "I know what you’re going to ask: you want me to repair her body."

Maizy grinned and bounced. "Yes! Do it and I’ll show you how to put a soul back in a body." She shot Mom a big thumbs-up—just as THEE zapped Mom with a spark of electricity. In an instant, Mom was muted.

THEE fixed her gaze on Mom. "No helping. And I know Kad Sign Language, so don’t try that either. This is between me and your cute little kaydee who is about to become my favorite soul in the whole multiverse!  Yes you are!" She reached down to pet Maizy.

Maizy bit her.

Maizy could see Mom laugh—silently.

"Sorry! I can't help it." Maizy shrugged.

"Yes, well... I always wondered if a kaydee or keedo soul would bite instinctively in this state." THEE shrugged. "I guess I have my answer."

THEE crossed her arms. "I’ve got bad news and good news." She glanced at Mom’s body. "Bad news: I can’t fix her."

Maizy’s face fell.  What’s the point, then!?

"THE POINT is that you can fix her." THEE squinted at Maizy. "If you can follow simple instructions."

"Oh! Well, let’s hear them!" Maizy would love to know how to repair bodies.  Oooh, I’m gonna be the most epic healer ever!

THEE sighed. "Don’t get your hopes up that much. This only works for children willing to give up some of their life for a parent." She smiled. "Except for kads—since they don’t have a natural lifespan limit. For you, it’s basically cheating. Which is why we gods disabled this... feature."

We can live forever?  Maizy thought it, but that might as well have been saying it out loud to THEE.

"Yes. Unless something kills you, your species lives forever." THEE rolled her eyes. "The wizard who created kads never wanted to watch a beloved pet die of old age again."

Maizy’s heart warmed. "Oh, that sounds so sweet! Great for me—us too, I mean." Then her eyes went wide. "Wait... we were made to be wizard pets!?"

THEE laughed. "Hah! You are wizard pets, sweetie. In about 750 wobbles—or sooner, if I master this soul embodiment trick—some wizards will be back, and you’ll be their pets again."

I’m nobody’s pet!  Maizy bristled, every bit of her tiny body rejecting the idea of slavery.

Time was frozen, so THEE figured an explanation wouldn’t hurt. "Once a soul becomes a wizard, they’re always a wizard. No matter what they’re reincarnated into, they eventually claw their way back to wizarding. It seems... inevitable."

THEE chuckled. "Hah! HECK once stuffed one into a fish—just to see what would happen. The wizard soul took over the entire ocean and somehow transformed back into their old form. We still don’t know how they did that."

She leaned closer to Maizy. "The Unicorn Curse might be a clue. You should look into it." She winked at Mom, who suddenly looked horrified.

"Unicorn Curse?" Maizy blinked, eager to know what THEE meant.

"That's a challenge for another day." THEE turned to the gathered kad souls. "It's best if you don't think of it like being a pet. Instead, imagine you're their cherished friend who just happens to have a lower soul tier. Wizards are just... Wizards. It's hard to explain, but let me tell you: If a wizard considers you their pet, you will always have an incredibly powerful ally. Most mortals wouldn't dare mess with a wizard's pet."

"Lower soul tier?" Maizy asked.

THEE ignored her. "Back to your mom... there’s a problem." She gazed into the distance. "I don’t have the access rights to re-enable the magic symbol we need to repair her body."

Access rights? AM I IN A SIMULATION!?  Maizy's grasp of reality suddenly felt loose.

THEE grew serious. "Why do you Earth souls always think that? No, we’re not living in a simulation! Ages ago the earliest gods worried about the same thing and ran all sorts of tests... You know what? Never mind. Just trust me. If we were in a simulation, the signs would be obvious."

"Like being able to stop time?" Maizy narrowed her eyes.

THEE tilted her head, considering. "Well, yes—if time froze in all universes at once, maybe. But I only stopped it here. And technically it’s not stopped—it’s slowed so much it only looks that way. If it were truly frozen, there wouldn’t be ripples—which I know you’ve felt." She squinted right back at Maizy.

"Anyway.  I need to bring in another god to unlock the time-reverse symbol. HECK—not WHAT. I don’t want him finding out either!" THEE’s eyes spun in quick circles. "I don’t even want to imagine the chaos if he got that power." She grimaced.

"I'm telling you so you don’t go crazy when he shows up." THEE tilted her head. "That can happen when HECK appears."

"Why? He seemed nice enough." Maizy shrugged.

THEE smiled warmly. "Oh, he’d love to hear you say that. HECK is in charge of apocalypses and cataclysms." She delivered it like it was the most ordinary fact in the multiverse.

Maizy didn’t react at all, which worried THEE.  That’s a triple villain for you. Wow.

Then HECK popped into existence beside her—already kad-sized. He grinned at Maizy. "Oh, hello there, little one!"

Maizy gave him her sad eyes. "I just found out you have the toughest job in the multiverse."

HECK jolted in surprise, and THEE’s eyes doubled in size right along with him.

HECK whipped toward THEE. "What did you tell her!?" He then started to fall backward and froze in place—completely stunned.

THEE grinned. She loved WHAT and HECK’s theatrics. "I told her what you’re in charge of."

Maizy offered her gentlest smile. "Apocalypses and cataclysms. That sounds... oh, that must be so heartbreaking—to have to do that."

HECK's body melted into tears which splashed on the ground, then reflowed back into himself—standing up. "Oh, you have no idea." Then he paused, considering. "Or perhaps you do?"

THEE did not want that conversation to continue, so she snapped back to the problem at hand. "HECK, I need you to re-enable the time-reverse magic symbol."

HECK narrowed his eyes. "We disabled that for good reasons."

"Yes, well... Maizy needs to repair her mother’s body so she can show us how to do CPR."

HECK suddenly had a mad grin. "Oh, no problem, then!"

Maizy stared in amazement—and a little horror—as HECK pulled up a glowing interface: a massive list of options with neat little checkboxes. Like they really were inside a virtual reality simulation.

WE REALLY ARE IN A SIMULATION! GODS!  Maizy started to panic.

"Oh, settle down!" HECK waved his hand. "We’re not in a simulation. The gods who built this system made the interface look like one... specifically to terrify mortals." He paused scrolling to throw up his arms. "By panicking, you’re playing right into their hands.  Don’t give them the satisfaction."

He muttered, "I liked the old system with bookshelves and the floating book over the enchantment table." Then he went back to scrolling. "Ah—here it is." He tapped a line, flipping an X into a checkmark.

THEE traced a glowing white symbol in the air: an hourglass with an arrow inside, pointing upward. "Draw this on the tree and lay your mother’s body over it. Then flood it with magic." She locked eyes with Maizy. "It will restore your mother’s body to the state it was in just before you were born."

HECK nodded. "What does CPR stand for, by the way?"

Maizy didn't have access to her memory tail in this state. "Uh... Crouch Pump Resurrection."

HECK and THEE nodded in unison.

"Ah, that makes sense," HECK said.

THEE grinned. "We're rooting for you!"

And time started moving again.