The day I fell

The lead guard pushed me to my knees at the edge of the canyon and the bottom of the Jaw called to me beyond a thick layer of fog.

“Confess,” he said.

The tip of his blade poked my right shoulder blade and he pointed at Tatsuya and Toshi, who were both trying to get to me despite the adults holding them back. Washi, who had come to the shop in search of his brother, held onto Kohaku's leg with a quivering mouth.

“She didn't kill anyone!” exclaimed Kohaku. Her hands had been bound behind her back, just like mine, for trying to help me escape after catching wind of my predicament.

“You can't do this,” I said. My entire upper body had been bound tightly with rope provided by a psychic warrior who specialised in fibre control to prevent me from being able to get away even if I transformed. “I'm a citizen of Inner Town. If you wish to held me accountable me for a crime, you must take me to trial before Nippo's judge.”

“A citizen of Inner Town?” The guard laughed. “You can call yourself that all you want but you'll never be able to wash away the stench of Outer Town no matter how long you bathe in our water.”

“I came from Outer Town but I've served the whole village for years,” I reminded him, my heart pounding against the ropes. “I've used more of that water you're so proud of to clean wounds than you have to bathe yourself.”

He struck my shoulder with the flat of his sword and I barely stifled a yelp, wobbling dangerously towards the drop right in front of me. My stomach lurched and I tried to steady myself.

“Shizu!” called Tatsuya, his panic shooting through my nerves like lightening.

He and Toshi had both been restrained by the same bindings that tightened with each movement. The kind used to hunt animals. I doubted it had ever been used to suppress the power of a dragon.

“Let her go!” sobbed the younger girl.

Kohaku glared at the leader who knelt beside me and grabbed my hair to stop me from falling.

“Don't forget who you're talking to,” he hissed into my ear. I couldn't turn my face away from his foul breath. “You think you're worthy of the attention of Nippo's judicial system? A murderer like you?”

“I didn't send those letters,” I gritted out. “Toshi's only started learning to read a little while ago. She's the one who normally sends letters for me.”

“Letters to who?” he asked, giving me a vicious shake. “Your victims?”

“To my patients,” I replied. “I can't visit all them when they need me, especially the ones in Outer Town, so I send them messages instead.”

“What kind of messages?”

“About medicine or herbal ingredients, and advice about their ailments.” My scalp stung against his grip on my hair. “That's all.”

“Can you prove that the handwriting on that letter isn't yours?” He shook his head. “You can't because it matches the books in your shop.”

“I don't know who wrote that letter,” I said slowly. “But it wasn't me –”

“What's going on here?” A familiar sharp voice echoed in the vast space around us and even the leader of the guards stood up quickly, releasing my hair as he turned to face Aoto.

I twisted unsteadily and fell onto my side, looking up at my friend who had clearly made his way here in a hurry without bringing his usual guards. A couple of Inner Town security members blocked his way to us with outstretched arms and another one stood behind him.

“Who are you?” asked their leader.

“Aoto Word-master of the Silver Librarian family,” he replied. “And Shizuka's business partner. I'll only ask you once more. What is going here?”

“This young lady stands accused of the murder of several Nippo residents,” stated the older man.

“Do you have proof of this?” Aoto looked at me, his narrowed eyes radiating confusion and fury that was visible even though he was several steps away from us.

“We do.”

“Show me.” He crossed his arms behind his back. “Or let her go right now.”

“Who are you to make demands of me?” said the guard, reaching down to drag me up to my feet by the back of my kimono.

I tried not to choke, planting my feet squarely on the ground as I struggled to breathe as the neck of my clothes burned against my throat. It would have been too easy to set the man alight and watch him topple into the Jaw like a falling star but I couldn't give them more evidence to use against me.

“Who are you to deny me evidence in a case that directly affects my livelihood?” shot back Aoto, his expression hardening into a mask that didn't belong on such a young face.

“If you wish to contest this accusation, go back and fetch your father, young man,” replied the leader. “This is matter for the adults of Nippo to deal with, not the son of a family of mere scholars.”

“How dare you – ” Aoto stepped forward, his hands clenched at his sides.

The other man nodded at his subordinates and the one behind Aoto struck the back of his head with enough force to bring the elemental wielder down onto all fours.

“Ao!” I cried out hoarsely, trying to break free from the hand twisted into the fabric of my kimono.

He groaned softly and touched the back of his scalp, his hand stained red when he looked at it. It was a head wound which sometimes meant it wasn't as serious as it looked but the pain was sure to be significant. My own brain ached in sympathy.

“Let them go,” I said, trying to kick the guard. “They've got nothing to do with this.”

“Do you admit that you have then?” he asked.

“No –” I said between clenched teeth.

“A murderer like you doesn't deserve a trial anyway,” he said. “Which means we don't really need a confession after all, now that I think about it.”

“What do you mean?” I asked by the answer was evident in his warped grin.

“We just need to get rid of the source of the crime. That way the rest of Nippon will be safe.” He pointed in the direction of the other, who were all struggling to break free. “I'll give you a choice, young lady. You either watch your friends suffer because of your stubbornness until we get bored of you all wasting our time. Or you end this now and spare them a world of pain.”

He let go of me and pointed into the Jaw.

“Why should I believe you?” I asked. “How do I know you won't hurt them after I die?”

“Because if you die, I won't have a criminal to justify the rough interrogation of Inner Town citizens,” he replied, placing a hand to his chest. “And I don't particularly want to make an enemy of their families for no reason. Especially not the House of the Rising Fists.”

He nodded at Tatsuya and Washi, who both wore their family crest on their garments. He was right. He might have been able to get away with treating Kohaku and Toshi however he wanted but getting on the wrong side of Aoto and Tatsuya's families would be like disturbing a pair of dragons. He had already taken a big risk by laying a hand on Aoto but I was sure he would try to pin the blame on the young scholar for his interference.

No one knew how deep the canyon ran nor how long it would take to hit the bottom. There was also the chance that I would be eaten by the monsters that many believed existed in the Jaw before I got that far. Either way, there was no way I would survive a drop from this height.

“Shizu!” yelled Kohaku as I stepped closer to the lip of the ravine. “What are you doing?”

I didn't want to face any of them but they didn't deserve to suffer because of me. They were innocent ones here and, as much as my actions had been carried out with the right intentions, it didn't change the fact that I would become a murderer in their eyes if the truth ever came to light. There was only one way to avoid that.

“Thank Yua and Yor for me.” I raised my voice so they could all hear me. My throat tightened agonising around each word as if trying to prevent them from leaving. “Tell them they changed my life.”

“You better not be thinking about listening to him,” she growled, barging past the man holding her back.

She managed to get several steps closer to me before three of Ras' friends tackled her to the ground and kept her pinned there.

“Don't let her go,” ordered Toshi's uncle. He looked paler than he had before but determined to watch me die, leaning heavily on one of his other companions. “Nothing is going to get in the way of this now.”

“It's okay, Ko.” I flinched as the leader of the guards grabbed my arm and stopped me from going towards her. “Take good care of Ao and the others, and stay strong.”

“No!” Kohaku bit one of the men, who yelled before they gagged her with the sleeve of her rusty red kimono.

Her eyes blazed at me above the fabric and I had never wanted to hide in the safety of her shadow more. But did I deserve such protection? Would she think I deserved it if she found out everything I had done?

“Why are you saying that?” Toshi looked frantically to Tatsuya for answers, her small shoulders quivering. “What is she going to do?”

“I'm sorry I couldn't stay and watch you two grow up, Washi, Toshi,” I tried to smile and hold back tears the guards and Ras had no right to witness. “Look after Tatsu for me and try not to cause him too much trouble, okay?”

She shook her head frantically as words failed her and guilt burst from her like pollen from an blossoming flower. None of this was her fault but now I wouldn't have the chance to tell her how, regardless of how much I wanted to.

Washi stood with his hands clasped in front of him, alone now that Kohaku was pinned to the floor a few steps away, except for one of the Outer Town men who kept their hand warningly on his shoulder. His expression was difficult to interpret. As if he had watched a performer display a particularly astounding feat and he had no idea how they had managed to do it. His mouth moved but he was too far for me to make out what he was saying.

“I'm sorry I ended up being a terrible investment, Ao,” I said with a short, bitter laugh. “Uchi might be hard to work with at first but there's no one better to take over the shop. Maybe hire Toshi to manage the patients face to face while she does the hands on part.”

Aoto's eyes were unusually expressive behind the black curtains of his hair. Anguished. Frustrated. Maybe even terrified. He didn't need to say anything and I didn't expect him to.

“Shizu …” Tatsuya's voice shook uncontrollably. “Don't do it. Please.”

“Be happy in the future, okay, Tatsu?” My own broke upon the thought of going somewhere without him by my side. “Even if it's not for a long time. I – I know you can do it even if I'm not here.”

“I can't!” he cried out. He started to transform, scales bursting across his skin, but the ropes tightened and he dropped onto his knees, gasping as he was forced to remain human. “Shizu, I can't do that without you. Please run away. Please!”

There was nowhere to run. The leader was still holding onto my arm. Even if I had been able to break free from his grip, Ras' men and the other guards would catch me before I could reach the treeline opposite me. I turned towards the canyon, pausing only to speak to the head guard.

“You're making a big mistake,” I told him. “I hope you live long enough to regret it.”

The dead bark of the Spiritless Tree outlined his off white uniform, as though he were a moth imitating a butterfly. In my peripheral vision, Aoto reached for me as if he had Yua's powers and could draw me back towards him if he concentrated hard enough.

“Spoken like a real little murderer,” he said, pushing me towards the Jaw. “I hope the air cools your head on the way down.”

I steadied myself against the tree trunk with my shoulder before straightening up. The sun rise was as breath-taking as it always was, though I had never really looked at it from the base of the tree. Why would I do that when the view was always much better from its uppermost branches? Was this how Tatsuya had always seen it?

No, I could think of him right now.

I couldn't think about how painful it would be to part with all of them. I couldn't think about what kind of lives they would live without me or for how long they would remember the day I fell. I couldn't allow myself to wonder how much it would hurt when I finally reached the unforgiving rock at the floor of the canyon, how long that agony would last, or what would happen after I drew my final breath.

I couldn't think about what I was about to do, just as I hadn't allowed to think about what I had done to the people I had killed. I couldn't think about their last thoughts and how much they must have suffered after I shoved them from this exact spot beside the Spiritless Tree. Perhaps it was only right that I met the same end.

“Shizu!” The desperate voices of my friends melded into a single rope that kept me connected to this world.

To the life I had expected to share with them for many more years. I closed my eyes, cut the rope we had all weaved together, and stepped off the edge before the last of my mental strength could desert me as heartlessly as I was deserting them.

My insides tumbled and my bound arms strained uselessly against the ropes as I tipped forward. The lack of substance beneath my feet was enough to tear my frail composure apart. My fingertips and the edge of my ears grew cold first and the damp scent of moss-covered stone filled my nostrils like the sludge that we slipped on whilst playing on the banks of the river.

I was drowning without water. Burning without a heat source. I kept my mouth and eyes shut for as long as I could before the rushing air ripped a heartbroken wail from deep inside my chest. It hit me a moment before the atmosphere around me changed and my mind parted from my body.

The world had abandoned me.

 Just like my real parents had.