Fear of Rejection

“…I shouldn’t have made you feel so uncomfortable again, I knew you wouldn’t like remembering it, and yet I still asked you to do it to please my own curiosity. So, I’m really sorry for making you feel that way.”

This is bad, really, really bad.

His face completely flushed, his heart beating vigorously at an uncontrollable pace, and cold sweat trickling down every pore in his body.

First, I need to get her to stop.

“What are you talking about? Didn’t I just tell you that it was fine, so you don’t need to worry about me.” With a complete lack sincerity in his voice, he tried his best to stop her from worrying.

He attempted to move, intending to back away from her but was instead caught in her embrace. Her soft, warm arms wrapping him tightly, as if he was something precious.

“You really are bad at lying, you know that? Just now, you were scared out of your mind and shaking nervously, if you really were fine then that wouldn’t have happened! Just so you know, its ok for you to cry, you don’t need to hold it back.” Sweet words whispered into his ears, calming down his quelling heart.

If this doesn’t stop soon, I’m just going to make the same mistake again.

“Why would I cry over a bad dream that I had. I’m not some kid you know.” Stubbornly refusing to accept her comfort, he spouted out a lie, not even he believed she would fall for.

“What’s with you? Why are you trying to be tough? I’m not gonna make fun of you, so you don’t need to put up a front.” With a hint of annoyance, she spoke her honest confusion for his behavior, while bringing him closer into her embrace causing something soft to press against him.

*Please stop this…*

“It really isn’t that big of a deal you know. I’ll just get over it like I always do.”

“Stop trying to pretend that you can’t be sad, it’s annoying, you know that. Just cry out all the pain and suffering that it put you through. There’s no reason for you to keep it all inside, because all that does it make it hurt even more.” Seemingly even more annoyed, she voiced her growing frustration over his obstinacy.

Why do you always, always, always…do this to me?

“Am I really that bad at hiding it? I guess that means I really have to work on that.” Trying to flatten the mood with a lame joke, he chucked to himself.

“Please just tell me how you really feel.” Completely ignoring his half-baked attempt to get out of this situation giving him one final push to overcome his own stubbornness.

I can’t even lie to myself about it at this point…

“Is it really okay for me to do this?” Finally giving in, he looks to her, eyes filled anticipation, fear, and anxiety.

“You really don’t understand anything, do you? I’m not doing this because you want me to, I’m doing this because I want to. So, stop worrying about something as silly as that.” Speaking up to negate his worries, a warm feeling of relief filled his aching heart.

Hearing those words, he reached out his arms wrapping them around her, accepting her embrace.

This feels so warm. I love it…so very much.

“You really do know how to get to do what you want out of people.” Being won over, he jokingly comments on her easily getting him to comply with her demands.

“I’m just glad you’ve finally stopped being so stubborn.” Pressing her head into his chest she shook her head as she spoke with a much lighter tone than before.

“So, hey, are you busy today?” Finally feeling truly calm, he asks her in a roundabout way. Which Louise swiftly picks up on.

“What did I tell you earlier?” Letting go of Mena, she put some distance between the two and looked at his blushing face.

“That I have to be direct?” Recalling their previous conversation, he poses it as question to confirm her intentions.

“Good you remember, so?” Smiling brightly, and a twinge of redness blossoming on her cheeks she confirms his connection to their previous conversation.

“So what?” Trying to act like he didn’t fully understand what she wanted him to do, he terribly attempted to play innocent.

“Ask me properly or I’m not going to give you an answer.” Pouting slightly and feeling impatient, she makes her demand.

“You already understand what I mean so do I really have to do that?” Turning to the side as embarrassment wells withing him, he continues to gloss over her words.

“If you don’t hurry up, then I might just never answer you.” Finally unable to keep waiting, she gives him her final stance.

She really does love teasing me, but it’s starting to become slightly annoying.

“Would you, umm like to hang out after this?” Stuttering along the way, he manages to ask her out properly.

There I said it, wait but what if she says no? Wait there’s no way she could say no after teasing me this much.

“Oh, I have to finish a project for school today so I’m busy, we do that on that I’m not busy though.” Quietly laughing to herself a little, she rejects him.

Oh…aha…that makes sense, of course she’s busy.

“Hey, don’t get so depressed just because I said no. Besides, hearing you ask me out made me really happy so it’s not like I’m happy about declining either.” Placing her hands on the sides of his face lifting it up after he unconsciously drooped it down, bringing it in front of her face.

“If you were going to say no, then why did you have to tease me about it that much?” With a semblance of embarrassment and annoyance, he questions her previous choice of words, which to him, had implied a good response that he did not receive.

“Are you going to punish me for being a bad girl?” Not wanting to let up, she jokingly teases him further.

It’s not fair, it’s so unfair, yet, I feel so happy right now. I know why…but I’m scared as well…

He brings her closer to him and places his hand on the back of her head, with her chin resting on his shoulder.

“Mmm?” Confused by his sudden actions, she quietly mumbled her confusion.

“I already belong to you.” Silently he whispered into her ear, which had now been dyed red.

“You don’t need to prod me like this, I’ve always only felt one unwavering emotion for you.” Unable to handle the silence he received as a response to his confident declaration, he continued to whisper into her ear, which was now a vivid hot pink.

Yes, no matter how many times you’ve forgotten me, it never once disappeared. Even after being rejected, which is sad to admit, even if it’s only to myself.

“I won’t force you to say yes, I don’t want you to be overly considerate to me, and don’t apologize to me.…” Muttering the last of what he wanted, his head went limp and rested on her shoulder.

Oh god, I probably sounded really conceited when I said all of that…wait, no I just was conceited when I said all of that.

“Mena…why would I ever reject you?”

What?