One Wish Away — Meilin

I’ve really done it now.

Maybe I’m destined to be alone in every world.

I lay paralyzed for an hour that felt like an eternity.

My legs feel so numb. If only Yulan were here…

A single tear rolled off my face, and I licked it off with my tongue. Hmm, it’s salty.

I finally managed to pull myself up, staring at the spot where I last saw Yulan. We could’ve buried her. Himari is right. She doesn’t deserve this at all.

Tears flowed down again. I had been crying for the past hour, and now my eyes are puffy and dry. I’ll be severely dehydrated if this continues…I wiped the tears off my face with my sleeves.

Yulan has family back in Tian Cheng and Becher. Why does my journey have to bring so much suffering? I thought I understood how losing someone feels, but this…this hurts so much. The fact that I’ll never see her again.

I won’t have anything to remind me of her.

Yulan used to fill the role of being my mother in Elysium. We wouldn’t have made it this far without her. She was the leader of our group, the parent leading a bunch of clueless children.

And now without her. It feels…empty.

“I could at least give her a proper goodbye…” I aimed my staff at where Yulan’s body once lay.

“Everlasting Floral.”

A field of flowers appeared, and flower petals rose to the air. The cave lit up as the flowers all bloomed simultaneously. The flowers filled the air with a sweet fragrance. White chrysanthemums. I’ve filled the area with white chrysanthemums. The flowers Yulan was dancing on the first time I met her.

They’re beautiful. But not as beautiful as the day I first witnessed them…Without the mysterious lady dancing on top of it, it meant nothing. I would do anything just to see her again.

Huh. This yearning…

I understand now, Mom.

I understand the pain behind your tears now.

I’m so sorry.

I shouldn’t have crossed the road so recklessly. I shouldn’t have given up because of Haokei. I didn’t realise that you’re with me all along…

I miss you, Mom.

I miss Yulan.

I miss all of them.

I feel so lonely. It feels so cold. Please…just let me make one wish.

Clack—

A split appeared on the ground, ripping away the field of flowers. In just a second, I was consumed by endless darkness. The wish orb flashed many shades of red, giving me one final warning.

A loud ring sounded, like the jingle of a bell.

“Mak Meilin, please answer question five.”

Huh?

I found myself in a familiar space—a place filled with endless cycles of agonizing reminiscences.

They are all looking at me. Those sneers, those snarky looks. They all cast their unwelcome gazes on me, slowly peeling parts of me off, one by one.

“So? Mak Meilin, please stop zoning out. Is the space really that pretty?" Everyone laughed.

"Why was the Civil Service Examination important in Imperial China?” The teacher smacked his book down.

I need to answer the question. The textbook…uh…page 187, page 188, where’s the part about Civil Service Examinations?

“Look at her, she never studies.” A few girls from the front snickered. “She’s just stupid, as usual.”

Aha. Got it. “The Civil Service Examination strengthened the emperor’s control. Officials were loyal to the emperor, since their jobs came from passing the exam, not from their families or local power.”

A classmate scoffed, “So she’s suddenly confident in herself.” Another replied. “That’s right, who gave her the right to be so confident? It pisses me off.”

“Good job, Meilin. Next question, Haokei.” The teacher moved on to the next question without batting an eye at the mockery.

“Yes, sir.”

I shot a glare at the other students as they tried providing answers to Haokei. “Eep…what a creep.” They all edged away in response.

Phew. At least I got the question right. Otherwise, the teacher would’ve sent me out of the classroom.

Wait, no, I was in Elysium just a second ago. What happened? Another vision?

But it didn’t feel like a vision. I can even feel the texture of the table. Now I can no longer differentiate between reality and dreams.

After class, recess came.

That bunch of girls came to greet me, as usual. “Meilin, that was awfully confident of you to answer your question like that.” The girl with a ponytail sneered. “I agree, she should’ve stayed quiet.” Her sidekick agreed. “What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue now?”

“I don’t care what Haokei told you. It’s fake.”

“Tch.” The leader of the girls looked down on me as if I were a mere bug. “You don’t get it, do you? You don't get to speak. Guess I have to beat it into that little brain of yours.” A loud whack echoed through the room.

Ouch.

I had forgotten why I didn't talk back. I should’ve stayed quiet after all.

“That’ll teach you to know your place.” The girls look so full of themselves, it's irritating.

Perhaps it’s by reflex, or someone had possessed my body, but I slapped right back.

“Oh my god. Someone get a tissue, she’s bleeding!”

“Once a monster, always a monster!”

“Punish her!”

The next thing I knew, I was at a parent-teacher conference.

“What do you mean, my daughter had a part in it? All I know is that she came home with bruises all over her body and a bleeding nose!” My mom was furious, her hair was on fire, and steam blew out of her nostrils.

“Ma’am, we’re very sorry we aren’t able to supervise your daughter at recess, but you must know we really value students’ freedom and privacy—”

“Even when your students get beaten up?”

My father sat next to my mother, with an exasperated expression. “Honey, it’s alright, they tried their best.”

“My daughter was deeply traumatized by this!”

From outside, I could hear the people in the fight speaking ill of me. “She goes running after her mommy for help.” “What can you expect from a spoiled child like her?”

Don’t let them get to your head. It’s alright. I’ve been through this…millions of times…

“Meilin? What’s wrong?” I raised my head to see my concerned mother gently wiping away my tears.

It’s nothing. It’s nothing. There's no need to worry about what they say. It’s just words after all…it’s not like they hurt me with a knife—

”You’re so annoying!” I slapped my mom’s hand away. “Do you know how embarrassing it is to have you come to my school complaining? Really, I’m fine! It’s not a big deal, okay? So stop messing with my life!”

I pushed her away and ran out to the bathroom.

Why did I say that? Those words felt like they were rehearsed millions of times. As soon as I opened my mouth, they poured out, one after another. But it wasn’t me, I didn’t mean to say it. Before I knew it, the words were already out.

I splashed some water onto my face.

“Oh, look who we have here.” That voice sent shivers down my spine.

In front of me stood a group of girls, not the group from before, but Haokei’s friends. Haokei was among them, not daring to look me in the eye.

That’s how she pretends to be my ally. Look away.

“You’re a sicko with princess sickness. You don’t even deserve to live.”

My life.

They’re the people who took my life from me. Yet now I let them trample all over me, leaving permanent marks on the way.

I look up at the person I trusted all my life, as the girls tear my hair apart and kick my face. There she was, looking straight at me with cold, indifferent eyes.

How did I not realise?

How did I silently cope with this all those times?

I inadvertently reached out to her, begging for help. “Haokei—”

“Meilin!”

Someone was calling out to me—a sweet, familiar voice.

Himari.

She was holding on to the edge of a cliff, desperately clinging on for life. Yet I stood there, not helping, just standing. As her earsplitting scream pierced through my ears, I finally realised.

To Himari, I was just like Haokei.

I'm such a monster.

As soon as the realisation hit, I found myself engulfed by darkness once again. Breathing was hard. It felt like my thoughts were crashing into each other all at once. My veins turned ink black. A pool of ebony blood surrounded me, crawling onto my limbs.

I stared at my reflection in the puddle of blood. Cracks, blood red eyes, claws, ghastly smile—I’m turning into a monster.

I’m corrupting.

I took a small pouch out of my pocket: Elpida’s finger.

It was now decayed, but the spider lily wrapped around it was still blooming. Its crimson red shone in the darkness, being my only source of hope.

I held it close to my chest and prayed to the gods above.

Please.

I don’t want to die.

I want to live again.