Veil of Wings — Jianyun

I left them.

I didn’t know what I was thinking, but I ran away, like a child throwing a tantrum.

Somehow it felt right.

My elder brother must be disappointed with me right now.

I continued down the path. It felt endless, like there was no escape.

I still haven’t gotten over the fact that Himari liked Meilin. And she even accused me of taking Meilin from her? How outrageous. If she had tried harder, she would’ve gotten to Meilin before I did. She met Meilin almost half a year earlier than I did. Blaming me for having a prettier face was no excuse.

I hated being called pretty.

What’s the use of having a pretty face when you can’t protect anyone? When you’re a coward who only knows how to hide in people’s shadows?

I could’ve saved Yulan.

If I were stronger, if I could carry both of them at once.

If I were like my brother.

He had always put others first, lending his strength to help others and enduring challenges with resilience. If he were here instead of me, he’d be able to save Yulan.

Back in Tian Cheng, I had a chat with Yulan.

“The attack was horrible. Taking away the lives of many.” She said while pouring two cups of tea.

“My brother should’ve lived past it instead of me. If he did, he’d be able to save so many more people.” I looked up at the distant clouds. “But fate chose me, which was a mistake. My brother had to sacrifice himself to protect me. If only I had been stronger…If only I didn’t need his protection…”

“I understand your frustration.” Yulan’s lips turned up. “But if you keep dwelling on the past, you’d lose the chance to protect many people around you. ‘If only’ doesn’t change anything, you know.”

Yulan was like a mentor to me. She was a warrior who was both kind and powerful, just like my brother.

“I think you’re no different from your brother.” It sounded like Yulan was joking, or maybe just trying to comfort me.

“No, he’s way stronger than I’ll ever be…”

“Let me ask you. If you saw a little girl being attacked by a monster, would you use your time to save her?”

“Of course I would.”

Yulan seemed pleased with my answer, “Then you have the same desire as him—the desire to protect. You see innocent civilians, and you won’t hesitate to help them. That’s what makes you alike. All you need is a little push. Strength can eventually be gained with training, and no one’s born knowing how to fight. So why are you still waiting to protect people like your brother would, when the chance is right in front of you?”

Huh. That’s a unique way to put it.

“I joined Meilin on her journey because I had a flaring desire to protect them.” She placed her hand over her chest. “If anything happens to them, I’d be overwhelmed with guilt for not being able to protect them.”

She convinced me to join Meilin’s party and entrusted me with the task of protecting the party members. And after her death, I just walked away from that duty…

What kind of soldier does that?

Still, Himari’s words stung. She was still shocked by Yulan’s sudden death. We all are.

“But she wasn’t the only reason you left, was she?”

Who’s there?

I dropped into a fighting stance, unsheathing my sword, ready to defend.

“No need to raise your guard.”

It was a gentle, almost soothing, voice. The engravings on the wall flickered, and a shadow was visible as it walked along the path.

“O viator, umbras huius terrae sacrae adora…” The inscriptions whispered, echoing through the cave.

I only clutched my weapon closer, as the chilling voices howled in my ear, their voices wrapping over my head and swallowing my thoughts whole. I shut my eyes and prayed to the moon goddess.

With a gentle blow, the candles were put out. The area darkened. I heard a faint flutter of wings as something brushed past my shoulder. A bird?

A pair of cold, gentle hands covered my ears.

“If you react with hostility, those voices will consume you. Now breathe.” The cold hands wrapped around me like a cocoon, and somehow the icy embrace provided a tranquillizing effect.

When I awakened, I saw a girl perched on a rock. Her appearance was pale like a ghost, and her body was slightly translucent. Feathers were wrapped around her, and she had wings around her face like an angel. Her movements reminded me of a small bird with its wings fluttering constantly.

“Salutations. You must be wondering who I am.” The girl’s eyes had the predatory glint of an eagle, yet from her graceful movements, I knew she had no means to pick a fight.

“I’ve been thinking of that all this time,” I replied, in awe at such an ethereal sight. It’s like witnessing a bird’s spirit captured in a human body.

She chuckled and leaped down from the rock with such elegance that her cloak fluttered behind her. Her smile carried the hope and innocence of a fledgling. “I’m a phantom of this labyrinth. You may call me Avicula. I see you’ve run from your companions. It’s a perilous thing to do, considering the untold perils of this ancient maze.”

“There’s no need for me to stay with them. I’m weak and unable to protect them.”

“Is that so?” Avicula’s voice was sweet and pure, reminding me of Yulan’s lectures. Her silver hair illuminated in the dark cave, shimmering through her veil. “You could’ve almost died when you rejected me with aggression back there. I saved you, but did I use any strength?”

“I don’t think so?”

“Indeed. I’m just a ghost, a spirit trapped in this underground maze. In terms of strength, I’m weaker than any normal being. However, I still saved you.”

“That’s only—”

She tiptoed towards me and put a finger on my lips. “Strength doesn’t determine your ability to protect.”

In her hands, an image of a mother bird with her hatchlings appeared; next to them is a ferocious snake. “Say, what is this birdie doing?” She pointed at the mother bird.

“Protecting its offspring?”

“You’re right. She’s protecting her babies. In this situation, do you think the snake has more strength, or the birdie?”

“The snake.”

“Yes. The snake absolutely has more strength; however, the birdie doesn’t back down, despite knowing she might get eaten. Yet she does not yield, and so her courage alone becomes a shield. That lowers the chance of her babies being eaten, yes? Then she has successfully tried to protect them.”

With a swift flicker of her fingers, the image changed, leaving only the hatchlings and the snake. “Now, if the birdie gives up, there won’t be any obstacle between the snake and its next meal. So even a weak birdie makes such a big difference.”

Avicula lit up the candles once more and pointed to one of the passages ahead. “Strength doesn’t determine if you’re able to protect. What you need is the desire to protect someone. When even a feeble birdie can save her loved ones, I don’t see why you cannot.”

“However, you’ve decided to step away from the nest you’re supposed to protect. If you give up now, only more people will be hurt.” She held up a candle and strode towards the passage. “They need you, Jianyun. They need your help.”

She left a trail of fading feathers behind, as if inviting me to follow her path.

I understand.

No matter how weak I may be,

It doesn’t matter as long as I’m there with them. As long as I made an effort.