When I was six years old I went to the theater with my father and brother. The city´s orchestra was presenting its repertoire about Johan Sebastian Bach, I was excited because it was my first time going to a theater. Everything was beautiful, the sound of the instruments was outstanding, the harmony was perfect. The director seemed to had a deep connection with his orchestra. He was moving his baton swiftly with elegance, and for the first time I felt the urge to dedicate my life to music to play something this glorious.
My brother was by my side, he was quiet, I thought that maybe he didn´t like it. There was hundreds of people, there were politicians, mafia bosses and even common people, and every time a piece finished a round of applauses echoed throughout the theater. All the people seemed to be having a bliss. I couldn´t blame them as a I was feeling the same.
My father who had been missing for a while came back and whispered something to my brother. My brother smiled, he was happier than me, I wondered why, at that moment as I was having the best time of my life. Suddenly fire starter to come out of the stage, the orchestra were the first to be burnt, the people around and myself run towards the exit. My father took my hand and headed towards a different route.
The fire was catching us; I was scared for the first time in my life. The public who was once clapping and cheering was now pleading for their lives, screaming in pain being burnt alive. A woman grabbed my leg, she was on the floor, it seemed she had been stomped many times, she asked me to help her… I was to terrified to move or say anything and slowly as I run I saw her eyes losing its light, she was dying of pain.
When we got to the exit, I turned back and saw a hell, everything was in flames, people running from one place to the other, there were kids inside who burnt to dead. I thought that that could have be me but then, I heard laughs.
My father closed the door, some survivors who followed us tried to open the door, they plead for help. “Please open the door!!” “Open it now, I´m dying!” “Save my kids please!!” “Help! I don´t want to die!” “I´m scared, please someone help!!” those were the things I could hear.
The laughter I heard was outside, I was surrounded by wealthy people, they were rejoicing in laughter. They even clapped. “This is beautiful” a man said. “You should be proud, this was spectacular” a friend of my father said. “If only all confirmations were like this!” I wanted to vomit so bad that all my body was hurting, I was absurdly tense almost paralyzed like a stone.
My father put his hand on my shoulder bringing me back to reality, I turned back and saw a bunch of people cheering, clapping and hugging someone… someone who seemed to be my brother.
“You did it excellent, this was certainly one of the best confirmations I´ve seen so far.”
“Thank you.” My brother said.
My brother did this, but how? I couldn´t believe it.
Our family educated us to take whatever we want, to not feel remorse, to treat and abuse inferior people and to enjoy others´ suffering as they are not equals to us and they´d never be. I personally had abuse of others, I took what I want, I lied to gain something or to cause someone else´s pain, I had killed animals just for the sake of curiosity to know what is like to extinguish a life and even though I was a kid, I used to enjoy doing that. I enjoyed watching people die inside, seeing them feel betrayed, desperate, incapable of escaping and how they lose hope… but this time was different, this time I felt that it could have been me. I thought that I would die… So this is how they felt, this the other side of my enjoyment, this is what I liked, this is the people we are… we enjoy doing this… we enjoy causing suffering.
A man approached to us.
“Gilbert, here you are” the man called my father. “Your son gave us an incredible entertainment, you should be proud, he´s a genius.”
“Thank you, I do feel proud of him. Now he´s one of us, one I can proudly call my son.” My father said with clear happiness.
“Hopefully little John will give us an entertainment like this in the future.”
“I´m sure he will, we just have to wait.” My father said to me as he looked down to see my face. I just nodded, thank goodness I learned to keep a poker face when lying. Showing fear in a moment like this would change my life forever or at least that´s what happened to my mother. She showed weakness to my father and then disappear forever.
“Let´s come and greet the new Confirmed” the man said.
As we walked towards my brother, he looked at us. Our sights crossed and he grinned. A chill went down my spine, I felt as if the devil had melted by body. I know him well, he knows I´m scared and he likes that. Ever since our mother disappear, my brother changed, he was nice to me... we used to abuse people together and share ideas but after that, he separated from me. I tried countless of times to make my father tell me what happened to my mother but he never said anything.
I can´t tell if my brother hates me or no, probably he blames me for what happened to our mom… or at least that´s how I feel.
The emperor appeared and hugged my brother, offering him to work with him. My brother agreed and started living under the emperor´s protection. Since that moment our family jump positions to the top, we were the favorites and so we became one of the most powerful families in the city, we have control almost everything.
It is said that no one survived that incident… the theater´s ashes still remains up to this day… it is a memory of the best time ever but to the rest of the common people it´s just a sad event. To me, it marked a before and after in my life. I tried to enjoy abusing people and animals again but every time I looked at their eyes I remember the fear of dying, so I can´t do that anymore… I can´t enjoy what I used to like doing before… I know I´m not a good person either because I don´t care about others but myself, I´m selfish and I don´t enjoy helping others. I have never felt the necessity of helping, feeling sorry for others or even caring about my family. Now the only thing I feel, is the fear of dying.
Soon my confirmation will take place and I need to talk with the group of confirmed ones to help me plan my confirmation. All confirmations need approval, as they will be the ones in charge of preparing everything, gather people to abuse from, the tools needed, rent of the place, food, guests etc. But my situation is difficult, all wealthy people my age are known for the abuses they have committed except me. I haven´t done anything, that´s why the confirmed ones’ don´t trust in me and don´t have any expectations, my father even thinks I´m a good person or that I’m too scared, whatever it is if I don´t do anything they will get rid of me… similar to my mother.
I hear the door´s lock open, it seems Hope has come back.
I go to the entrance to tell her about the news.
After catching up, we agreed to go to the nearest police station.
“No matter what you say, I´ll stay with you even if you don´t want to. I don´t care about the police taking care of you.” She says.
I nod silently, maybe she´s helping me because she´s a good person.
“Do you like helping people?” I ask her.
She stops. “Ah!?” she turns and looks at me with a clearly disgusted face.
Damn, I said something really stupid, thinking about the past made me sensitive.
“Sorry, forget what I said, it was stupid.” I said.
We continue going down the stairs to were the moto is.
“I just can´t understand why are you helping me, do you want something from my family? Money? Power? Position? Food? Security? Or perhaps you are in love with me.” I said everything I could.
She stops. “Don´t be stupid. I don´t want anything like that. What I want is something you nor everyone can give me.”
“So you love me?” I said to take advantage of the fact she answered.
“No.” She says clearly and proceeds to walk.
“So what? Are you helping me just because you are a good person, common!” I said after losing my cool a bit.
She stops again, I see her opening her mouth but the words don´t come out of her. She closes it, and continues walking.
If she doesn´t like helping others, why does she help me? The mafia thugs said she was an animal? I still believe she killed her mother so maybe she´s not a good person… but if she´s helping me at the point of risking her life maybe there´s something good inside her.
she´s like me.