Rush to the Registry Office

A short recap of how my life suddenly took a strange turn one morning.


I went out to drink with my buddy Tadashi last night after 6 years of sobriety only to be surprised by an unknown woman sleeping on my bed. After a series of violence and accusations of rape by the unknown woman, we found out that we got married while drunk. The news reminded us of the new marriage and comprehensive divorce law passed by parliament today and now we are speeding towards the Registry office to file for a divorce or annulment.

"Hurry up!" screamed Kana the formerly unknown woman, We are both sprinting to the nearest train station since the registry is just 3 train stations away. We take a right passing by shops that I am a regular at.

"Oh my if it isn't Satou-Kun, Good afternoon!" greeted by the old lady Tachibana who makes a very delicious croquette.
"Sorry, Tachibana-san! I have somewhere to be!"
"Oh is that so." as she looked at me she noticed that a woman was holding my wrist as the two of us runs to the train station.

"Tetsuya! come here!"
"What is it dear?" Old man Tatsuya peeked through the shop desk and saw me and Kana running holding hands. 
"Oh my <3 Perhaps Lonely Satou finally got himself a girlfriend huh"
"Reminds me our youth"
"Tachibana-san! Did you just saw that? Lonely Satou was running with a gorgeous blondie holding hands" exclaimed Taniguchi-san, A florist adjacent to Old man Tatsuya's Croquette shop.
"I know! Perhaps he invited her over for some ramen last night" 
"Come on dear, it's rude to gossip"
They both giggled and gossiped about Me and Kana caught running towards the train station.

We both arrived at the station gasping for air after running straight for 3 minutes, The station is packed and we took our passes and tapped them in the booth right in the entrance to go to the platform. 

The station is busier than normal, with Salaryman on their phone, High school girls grouped patiently while talking loudly, and a lot of workers coming home from night shift. This is what it should be, A taste of normalcy and not dealing with this strange situation that we are currently in. The train comes and thankfully it's not jam-packed, Kana grabbed me by the jacket and pulled me towards the train door. We sat on the empty seats between a sleeping salaryman and a high school boy fiddling with his phone on his way to school. I looked at Kana as she is impatiently waiting to arrive at the station. If she has super strength and super speed I bet she would pull this train to our destined station given her desperation.

I sat back and trying to calm myself while feeling a bit nauseous due to my hangover. then we arrive at the next station, passengers come out and new ones come in. Midway the train ride from Station 2 to Station 3 just 1 station shy of our destination to where the Registry office is I heard an announcement from the conductor.

"Folks, We are currently experiencing technical difficulties in one of the engines of our train and we are going to be stopping at Station 3. We apologize for the inconvenience but we must prioritize safety over punctuality. We are sorry once again and have a great day" *Beep*

My heart skipped at that moment, Who would have fucking known that a technical issue would come at such an important emergency. As I was thinking of a solution to how are we going to go to this station I suddenly feel a hand grab my leg, The amount of force being exerted is enough to crack a coconut. I whipped my head to see who is grabbing my leg and I saw Kana with panicked eyes hyperventilating looking at me with this "What the fuck do we do now" type of face.

If we run we wouldn't make it and due to the influx of passengers stranded on the station Taxi and busses are a no-go. Think Kiyoshi! Think! Fuck it might as well run to the station. I told the plan to Kana and she stood up and took off her loafers and looked me in the eye with such a firey determination look that says "Let's do it"

So we exited the train station and some station workers were guiding passengers to the exit then I heard someone call my name.

"Satou-San?" That voice sounded really familiar, So I take a look and It's the intern in my department. He is holding a bike and his shoulder bag that Tadashi keeps busting his balls.
Then a bright idea went to my head. HIS BIKE! if we bike from this station to the registry office we would make it. This evil demon in my head says that I should push this intern and steal his bike and just apologize later and since he is an intern he would forgive me. PERFECT! 

NO! that's not it! morality and doing the right thing should be used despite such desperate circumstances. How about we just politely ask him.

"Taniguchi-Kun...... I have a favor to ask"
"Sure?"
"Can I borrow your bike?"
He is confused, Shocked even. He looked at me strangely but fired back with a question
"Why do you need my bike Satou-san?"
"Please I beg of you! I'm in a desperate situation"
Then suddenly I feel someone grabbing my shoulders and it was Kana.
"What's the hold-up Kiyoshi! We have to go!"
Taniguchi looked at me, looked at Kana, Looked at Kana, Looked at me, and saw her unbuttoned shirt and all of a sudden completely misunderstood the situation since Kana called me by my first name.

He let out a big suggestive grin on his face and said to me
"Satou-san, You didn't say you have "Company" Okay sure, I'll let you borrow my bike. For 20 thousand yen"
I reached out of my wallet and grab 50 thousand yen and put it in his hands and took his bike and thanked him.

I went hopped in and told Kana to sit on the passenger seat and reluctantly she agreed but What I haven't noticed is that she barely got a seat when I suddenly pedaled to the metal. I started gunning this Bike and she grabbed my waist screaming bloody murder but I have no time so I ignored her demands to stop and slow down and decided to turn it up a notch.

We arrived at the Registry office and we are welcomed by a guard, Kana locked up the bike and I ran towards the guard to ask him where the Marriage registry is. He told me

"Go straight the hall and when you see the Accounting department sign take a right and you should see a sign that says Marriage registration and there's an old guy named Jun there."

I thanked him and ran to the hall. Many staff workers were looking at me whispering, probably wondering why I am running in the hall. I heard one of the staff in the hallway said 

"Wait, Is that the guy?"

I don't know what that means but I don't have enough time to gossip, I saw the accounting department sign and I took a right, and finally, I saw the old dude in the Marriage Registry. I slammed the certificate on the desk which made the Old man drop the paper he is holding and let out this pathetic feminine scream.

"Are...Are..... Are you Jun?" I pathetically uttered while being out of breath.

He looked at the paper and looked at me and I saw his eyes beamed with light and let out a smile that will hit the roof.

"AH! SATOU-SAN! What can I do for you buddy?"
"Buddy?"
"You don't remember?"
"Remember what? That's, not the point I want this marriage nulled"
"I'm sorry Mr.Satou, But unfortunately we cannot do that due to the New Marriage and Comprehensive Divorce law passed today."
"What do you mean Jun?!, It's only 12:25? We still have 5 min to divorce?"
"Mr. Satou, I think you are confusing the Marriage Law with the Biking Regulation law, The biking regulation law would be enforced today at 12:30. The Marriage law was in effect today at 12 am"

And It dawned on me. I'm a fucking idiot, an Absolute moron, Shit for brain, and other derogatory synonyms for being an idiot. I remember that I prematurely turned off the TV  while the reporter was still talking. We wasted our energy running and biking and potentially spreading a rumor about me and Kana to my neighborhood for nothing?!

"Jun, Why did you sign the papers. We were drunk and mentally impaired! and who is this Kazuma Sakamoto?!"
"You don't remember Mr.Satou?"
"No Jun!, And I don't even remember anything besides drinking a couple of shots and multiple pints of beers, Can you please tell me what happened last night"

Rewind to 16 hours ago

"You and Mrs.Satou came in the office visibly drunk with wedding rings and told me that you wanted to get married. Obviously, I refused but you were persistent so I said that you need a witness to testify the validity of the marriage and since you got nobody with you besides you two I hoped that you would go away however Mrs.Satou ran away and came back with a tired-looking salaryman named Kazuma Sakamoto and she paid her as a witness for your marriage. I was surprised by how far she goes but I told you both that you are drunk and come back tomorrow morning when you are both sober and that's when you give your firey speech that convinced me to officially sign the certificate and related documents. I have a video of the speech do you want to see it, Mr.Satou?"

"I beg your pardon?, There's a video?!"
Jun pulled out his phone and pressed play and the thumbnail was me standing on a chair with roughly around 12 office workers watching me and Kana holding hands on this chair."

The video 

"Jun listen to me, What's your definition of love. Huh? 

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your root was so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.

And You know what getting married is? It's agreeing to take this person who right now is at the top of her form, full of hopes and ideas, feeling good, looking good, wildly interested in you because you're the same way, and sticking by her while she slowly disintegrates. And she does the same for you. You're her responsibility now and she's yours. If no one else will take care of her, you will. If everyone else rejects you, she won't. What do you think love is? Going to bed all the time? Pfft... That's not it! Love is a portion of the soul itself, and it is of the same nature as the celestial breathing of the atmosphere of paradise. And Marriage is a union! To celebrate two people falling in love! And you sir are in the way of me and this girl's happiness. Why would you interfere with two people madly in love?  Only a bitter fool would be against a firey passionate loving requesting to be married, Now may I ask you again Jun. Sign this document so that This beautiful woman and I could conquer the world and show the world the definition of love! Who with me?!" 

And that was the end of the video as the workers erupted into cheers and celebrations. But Jesus Christ! I just stole that from a book! It's almost shocking how I remembered word for word what Louis de Bernieres wrote in his book!

"I was in tears. In a generation where Marriage is just being used as an advantage, you and Mrs.Satou showed up and reminded me what is marriage and love is about. So I went home and bought my wife flowers and kissed her and now our failing marriage is resolved. I thank you Mr. Satou and please give my appreciation to Mrs. Satou as well" 

"MRS. SATOU?!" Kana yelled in the background as she just finished locking the bike.
"What does this mean Kiyoshi?!"
"Kana.....There's nothing we can do. We cant request the marriage to be nulled,"
"No, You're lying right?..... Did I just marry a random stranger?!"
"Random Stranger?!" exclaimed Jun
"So you two don't know each other?!"
"Yes! I was surprised to see an unknown woman in my bed! She even falsely accused me of drugging her and raping her!"
"This is bad, I have never seen a case like this. With a speech like that, I thought you two were in a long-term relationship. I never knew that you two were complete strangers! Hold on let me process this divorce so you could immediately start it. am very sorry Mr. and Mrs. Satou."

"So what do we do?" Kana and I asked
"Come back later and talk to this marriage counselor, as part of the new marriage law and comprehensive divorce you have to follow the steps the marriage counselor tells you to hopefully speed up the process, Her name is Dr. Kyoko Hirayama and this is her details. We will send you the location and the time for you to go to her clinic and sort this all out. I am truly sorry once again"

We are both shellshocked by this unfortunate news. But Jun said the process would be much faster so if we explained that we are drunk at the time to the marriage counselor we might get our marriage nulled so there is still hope! 

as we are about to leave, Jun the registry office guy called Kana.

"Mrs. Satou! I'm sorry but you will have to legally change your Identification cards from Kana Miyazaki to Kana Satou within the next 6 months"
"Hold on! What?!"
"Mrs.Satou since you are currently married to Mr.Satou you specifically told me to change your last name from Miyazaki Kana to Satou Kana. And right now you are legally known as Satou Kana so you will have to update all of your Identifications and tell your employer about these changes for insurance"

Instead of fighting Kana just burst into tears and left the building and I went to go and follow her. And I saw her sitting at the entrance crying. Instinctively I bought her a coffee from a vending machine nearby and gave it to her.

"Let's just settle this together and hopefully the marriage counselor will null our marriage. Don't cry, We will get through this" she wipes her tears using my blazer and all the disgusting slimy snot are now in my jacket.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU FUCKING DISGUSTING LUNATIC?!"

 I screamed, And she started laughing and her smile is so bright that it's heartwarming. Who knew, She looks really good when smiling when she is not accusing you of rape, molestation, drugging her, and her constantly throwing objects at me.

"Here! let's exchange details, I'm going to go home and change and go to work. Let's wait for Jun's call and call me so that we can meet up okay?"

"alright"

We exchanged info and I named her number Crazy blonde lunatic and she named my number Bill Cosby, and we went on our separate ways.

HOLY SHIT I JUST REALIZED I AM FUCKING LATE TO WORK!