Wanting to Believe [ Log 1 ]

Sol

‘It will not be necessary…’

Captain Ramirez’s words hung in the air after she’d left, sinking deep into my core. It will not be necessary… Not any longer. It was over. The war was over because my crew decided not to return that day, and as I drifted through the empty void of space, I wished so many times to share their fate. Yet when I finally had the chance to fulfil my wish and be decommissioned, I rejected it.

Laya was awake now. She had sat up in bed, wrapped herself in a blanket to try to protect her small body from the night’s chill, to wait for Captain to return. I wondered how those simple words could have shaken my resolve. My purpose had been fulfilled the moment I completed my last assignment, and I had returned with the memories of that day to those who still wanted to remember them. Yet I knew I would come too late for those who found them most precious. I knew I had done my best, but a part of me still regretted that Yuki never had the chance to hear her father’s last words. She, too, had faded into history now or, as Lieutenant Hanson would have said, ‘become a stardust’.

At first, I couldn’t understand why she had given such a poetic name to the inevitable end. But when Rama exploded before our eyes, overpowered by the Swarm, I wanted to believe that that’s what they became and not another report that would reach home and fill the people with dread about the uncertain future that lay ahead.

“Sol… Could you stay with me until sis comes back?”, Laya whispered.

She looked at me with hope still shining in her eyes, despite all the hardships she had faced, leaving me surprised by her unusual request.

I nodded and walked over to sit down on the hard mattress. I wanted to ask her why she couldn’t sleep, but before I could, she opened her blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders. She answered my confused look with an innocent smile and climbed over to sit between my legs, closing the blanket around us as if to protect us from the outside world. Yet despite her earlier efforts, her body felt cold as she leaned her back against me.

“Do you like it?”, she asked, not knowing I had no means to answer her question. Liking or disliking something was never a factor I took into consideration when making a choice. Even if, theoretically, I was able to have personal preferences, I hardly found any use for them.

Yet, her presence gave me comfort, as I could see that all those sacrifices we had made in the war hadn’t been in vain. Against all odds, she could live her life, free from the fear that the Archons had once brought to this world. I wrapped my arms around her as my answer, hoping she would understand that some questions couldn’t be answered in simple words.

“Tell me about your journeys…”, she whispered, wishing for a tale that would keep her worries at bay.

But the only stories I knew were of death and destruction. Those dark, lonely years when I drifted aimlessly through the empty void of space, painstakingly trying to bring my basic systems back online so I could return home. None of those tales was something I wished for her to hear on a night like this.

Instead, I told her about all the places Captain Leav had spoken about, places he had hoped we could visit once the war was over. She didn’t notice my hesitation on the many occasions my systems searched for the exact memory, as I wanted to be true to the Captain’s words, even if those memories were forever tainted with sadness. I knew that his wishes would never be fulfilled, and our journey together had come to an end that day.