Those who never came back home [ Log 1 ]

Elsa

The industrial lights illuminating our room slowly gave way to dawn, but even the sun’s rays didn’t warm the room enough to make a noticeable difference. Elmir was too far from its star, and most of the time, you relied on heating to stay warm. Unfortunately, staying in a cheap hotel meant the aircon was turned down to a minimum during the day to justify the low price of the room, which meant it was still freezing.

I tried not to think about the day ahead as we made ourselves ready. I was sure Kay would return later today, and even though a part of me wished she had come back to our room last night, I didn’t know if I was ready to meet her again. We had eaten breakfast when Sol came up to ask to take the morning off. I was so surprised by her question, I didn’t know what to say at first. It was such a human-like request, and I was yet again reminded that she wasn’t just an ordinary computer. I gave my consent, though, and even though I was curious, I didn’t inquire about what she planned to do.

Li, on the other hand, didn’t have such inhibitions. She immediately asked where she was going, and after being shown the location on the holo display built into Sol’s forearm, she insisted on going with her. To my surprise, Sol agreed, and so my day was set, since I didn’t want Li to wander through the city without me. At least I didn’t need to worry about Karla for as long as we were out.

I helped Li into her jumpsuit, and we left the hotel, walking towards the city centre. Crews rarely had any reason to venture into the actual city, and the further we went from the starport, the more curious looks we got. There weren’t any rules forbidding us to leave the port, but most of the worlds preferred to keep the rough spacefarers away from the rest of the population. So they had filled the spaceports with countless bars, gambling dens and cheap motels of dubious reputation that offered big discounts to anyone whose ship was docked in the starport.

I didn't want to spend money on public transport, so our walk took longer than I expected, but Li seemed to enjoy it. She was walking next to Sol, listening to her talk about Elmir and its history etched in the tall buildings and the old pine trees that grew between them. It worried me how quickly she had grown attached to Sol, but I knew how much she wished for a friend, so I tried to ignore my doubts, telling myself that an automaton was probably the safest choice she could make.

As we came to the University, Sol halted. I watched the students sitting on the steps leading to the entrance, wondering why she wanted to come here. I followed her gaze towards the tall monument standing in the centre of the square. It was a war memorial for those who never came back home, surrounded by Union flags billowing in the wind. She hesitantly walked over, lifting her hand in a quiet salute to those she had lost. I watched her silent tribute, not knowing what to do. Li glanced at her for a moment and then took my hand as she realised what she was doing.

Those who never came back home… For Li, our parents were nothing more than a faded photo pinned to the cockpit between the radiometry display and ALS switches. I rarely spoke about them, and she had been too young when the accident happened to recall much about them. Whenever she asked about them, I invented happy tales in the hope of not being reminded of that day. She didn’t deserve to have the real memories haunting her dreams, just as they did mine.

She pulled me over to stand next to Sol, letting the cold wind dry the tears from her face. Sol turned to me.

“We can go back, Captain”

She brushed a strand of hair from her face, and I nodded, not daring to disturb the silence with my words. I let the stillness follow us on our way back as a substitute for those we had lost between the stars.