Clear Deal ? [ Log 1 ]

Elsa

As I had feared, Karla sent me a message later that day, asking to meet to discuss the sale of Minerva. I didn’t know how much I should tell Li. Karla had already returned to our lives once before to help us pursue Sol, and I had hoped that, for Li’s sake, our relation would have ended there. But I didn’t want to break the trust we had, so in the end, I told her the truth. I decided not to take her with me, though, and instead leave her with Sol. At least, she didn’t need to be alone.

It was late afternoon by the time I left the hotel and walked to the starport. I watched Elmir’s famous snow flutter from the clear sky, vanishing into thin air before reaching the ground. As I got closer to the starport, the streets grew increasingly busy. They always were, regardless of the time of day, since most of us measured time in ‘shifts and watches’, and took no heed of the cycle of the local sun.

I halted as I saw the entrance to the bar Karla had chosen. Blue Pine. It was a place that catered to wealthy tourists and naval officers on the last leg of their service, who wanted to indulge in local cuisine on every world they visited before retirement. Family-friendly and far from the place I had expected her to pick. Did she really believe I would bring Li with me?

My suspicion was confirmed when I saw the disappointment flicker on her face as I sat down at the table. I picked the seat opposite her, pretending not to notice it and instead watched the holographic snow dancing in the air between us, replicating the snow that fell outside. I ordered a glass of overpriced juice and glanced at her. She still carried that deep regret on her face, even though she tried to hide it behind her glasses.

“I got you a deal, El. 25 mega credits”, she said, hiding her feelings behind the expensive data pad in her hand.

I stared at her in disbelieve, momentarily forgetting myself.

“How?”

Minerva was worth 15 on paper, but I would be lucky if I got 8, and even that would barely cover our old debt, not to mention the credit I had taken to repair Sol. She hesitated for a moment at my question before leaning back in her seat, hoping to hide behind the holographic snow that once again filled the space between us.

“Don’t ask, El. But you are clear and your bank is happy with the deal….”

I wanted to ask about her share in it, but as if she had anticipated my question and wanted to distract me from it, she instead began to tell me about the cargo she had secured for me to ship.

D473 sounded as bad as the trade code that described it. There were only a few reasons people chose not to give their world a proper name, and none of them were good, but the contract looked legit, and the pay was good. So good, in fact, that it made me suspicious. I looked at her, but she avoided my gaze.

“The cargo is clear. You can inspect every container that enters the ship if you wish. You will carry elmir berries and blue shrimps to the miners. At least they can spend their wages on real food in that hellhole”

“So, where is the hook?” I asked, fiddling with the still-full glass of juice.

She reclined in her seat at my question and crossed her arms as if trying to brace herself for the upcoming impact.

“I will need to go with you to secure the deal”

I froze. I had half-expected it, and a part of me had even hoped she would suggest it, even though I knew I would never allow it to happen. It was our old dream, but she had forsaken it the moment she left us, losing any claim to it. Yet she dared to bring it up despite what she had done. I watched the holographic snow floating between us, trying to gather the courage to say “no”, when I suddenly understood what she had done.

“It’s you who bought Minerva, Kay…”

I realised too late what it meant, and that once said, those words couldn’t be taken back, and I couldn’t pretend I didn’t know what would happen to her if I turned down her offer. Although I had every right to say no, both of us knew I would never do it. Li would never forgive me if I did.

“I am sorry, El. I… hoped you would never figure it out…”

Her voice faded into the background music. Was she really that naive, thinking I wouldn’t understand?, I thought. No, not naive, but desperate. Her words sounded sincere as they mingled with the holographic snow that filled the air between us.

“I need to smoke”, I said.

She nodded, and I got up, leaving the full glass of overpriced juice behind as I walked to the door, trying to hide my tears until the cold wind outside could carry them away.

She didn’t try to follow me. She knew I needed space to decide whether I should let the cold of the night freeze my heart once again, or accept her warmth and believe in the dream we had once shared. I lit a cigarette and blew the smoke into the wind as another spaceship roared in the sky, setting its course towards some distant star. The sun had set by now, and I followed its trajectory along the dark sky until it disappeared between the stars. My thoughts drifted to Sol and the distant war she had fought. Maybe she, too, deserved a new start.

I threw my cigarette to the ground, letting a cold gust of wind carry it down the street as I walked back into the bar.