Lost Memories [ Log 1 ]

Sol

The night had fallen, and the air conditioner in our room finally switched on, but the room was still freezing cold. I had spent the last few hours sitting in bed with Laya, wrapped in a blanket, and at her request, briefing her about my systems that were slowly coming back online.

At first, I thought she would get bored easily, and I only agreed to it because speaking about it didn’t require me to revisit the old memories that were forever tainted by sadness and regret. But to my surprise, she stayed attentive, even if she couldn’t understand everything I said. It wasn’t fully her fault as the Archimedes' class destroyer had a different power core than the Captain’s Type S ship she was used to, but she seemed frustrated by her lack of knowledge.

“Don’t worry, Laya. I am fully capable of keeping it operational by myself”, I tried to reassure her.

But my words didn’t bring her any comfort, and she looked away from my holo display and buried her face into my arm.

“I want to help her… I don’t want to be a burden any more…”, she whispered into my sleeve as her tears dampened the rough fabric of my jumpsuit.

I put my arm around her, but I felt at a loss about what to do, as I had never seen a kid crying before, only adults.

“You did your best, don’t blame yourself”

I wasn’t sure that those words, that belonged to a different epoch, brought her any comfort, but they were the best I had to offer, so I whispered them softly as I held her in my arms. It was so different from anything I had experienced with my old crew that it made me feel out of place. Yet it also brought memories of events that I had only fully understood once it was too late.

Was that the reason I, despite my inner wishes, agreed to stay with them rather than be decommissioned? Did I try to chase lost memories, long after they had become stardust, wishing to hold them in my palms as I should have done back then, before they slipped between my fingers and disappeared into the dark void of space?

I had no answer to those questions, only Laya, resting in my arms and sobbing quietly as she snuggled against me.

“I can train you to become a Chief”, I said, pulling the blanket around us, and even if I knew it wasn’t what she really needed, it was the only thing I could give her.

“Chief…”

She looked at me, her eyes full of tears and newfound hope, and I nodded and tried to smile.

“Yes, like Chief Nakamura, the best engineer I ever met…”

She thought about my words, resting her head on my chest before whispering as her small body started to relax in my arms,

“What happened to him?”

She understood what my silence meant, but still asked another question that brought back the memories of that day, forcing me to remember his last words before I fired the Wave Cannon, turning my crew into stardust.

“He died in action…”

I hadn’t expected she would hug me after hearing my answer to a question she realised she shouldn’t have asked in the first place. She stayed like that until the roaring engine of the landing spaceship broke the silence, as if she tried to give back everything Captain had given her when her parents died.

“You should go to sleep, it is almost the end of the second shift”

She lied down and opened her blanket, inviting me to stay and keep her warm. I lied next to her, wrapping it around us, and listened to her calm breath as the industrial lights sipped through the window.

She was fast asleep when Captain came back, quietly closing the door behind her. She watched us huddled in bed, and she hesitated for a moment as she tried to assert the situation she found herself in, never having expected something like this could happen. But she gave me an approving nod as she made up her mind and sat down on the edge of the bed and covered us with her jacket.

I wanted to get up, but she gestured for me to stay, and I looked at her, surprised, wondering what had happened.

“Sol..”

She looked at me, adjusting the blanket around Laya as another spaceship took off into the sky, breaking the silence between us.

“Keep her safe, no matter what.”

“Yes, Captain.”

I looked into her eyes, showing I understood her order. She held my gaze, whispering “Thank you” before sinking into the mattress next to us as she allowed herself to relax, knowing she was not the only one who would carry this duty.

“You should rest, Captain”, I said softly.

She shook her head and turned her gaze towards the window, watching the snow dance in the light of industrial lamps illuminating the docks, as the cold chill of the night lingered in our room.