WORDS OF AKIRA:PAST BECOMES PRESENT,FUTURE DECIDED BY ACTIONS.

If a migraine is pure pain for most, Than this has to be agony.
My brain feels as though it could just explode or come right out of my ears ,which would be fine if it would just make my head stop pounding.I try to keep my eyes shut because even with them closed tight I still see such a blinding light through my kids I just can't imagine letting my eyes see anything to make my skull whine in pain more.
 "Open those eyes of your mothers son,the only good thing you ever got from us was those eyes.
All of two seconds escape of disobeying him and I get my head pulled back by the hair roots with a touch of a metallic smelling powder my eyes quickly flare open and I feel my face become hot and itchy.

"Divine Fire?"
My father laughs and nods as I stare at him,trying to blink away firey feeling tears as they fall hard making the burns now covering my face sting the worse,I stare on at him trying to ignore it and remember how this all occurred.
Remembering my sin.

FIFTEEN YEARS AGO.SHANGHAI.

"What do you mean it"isn't acceptable."?I worked on this for over a decade,lost my wife over this and my time so that all you can say is"it's unacceptable"!Did not I tell the shogun over a dozen times it would be years in the making and the benefits would reap for us beyond the war with the foreigners,we can not lose if our men can not die!We can not lose if our men are enhanced!Even having the old warriors around to serve us means nothing but more information and ability to war better than ever!"
I hear him rage at the phone,sometimes I think it will raise mother from her unmarked grave in Fukui from the sheer intensity of it.

Though I doubt he ever could have been so towards her,to him and to me she was as though an angel had been given a place on earth and it happened to be in the same neighborhood as my father and I happened to be blessed to have her as a mother.
That affection he felt then is virtually all that remains of my father,now all I can hear and see is the scientist.

He has been working on a powder for the better part of his life,his father had found out by rough experience what it entails to be disfigured and physically weak from injuries he sustained after birth.
From then my grandfather sought out a way for strength in the hills of Fukui and found a mineral with three herbs always encircling each other,in that week my grandfather made a discovery that could have benefited the whole of the world for healing but my father thought it could be used to win wars,make Japan the worlds greatest army and medical professionals.

True obsession it is,I think to myself as I watch him till rage on towards the unlucky caller,an assistant to the shoguns top medical minister.
I feel as though it should never have been found honestly,this is a way to extend life and heal which is good I do not argue that but it has an unexpected outcome my father never so much as cares about at all.

I  quickly walk into his study,he doesn't even notice I have entered nor when I leave with the twin sheets of old text written by my grandfather and annotated by my father.
The only physical copy of my families deeds in playing with life.
I quietly lead myself out,its late almost midnight and I run as fast as my lanky legs will take me towards the river side and hope I can make this paper simply disintegrate and return but that will not end well for me at all.