Sash Of Sapphire And Red Stars "LOVE AND HATE"CONCLUSION

Li-Jo

I do not really want to think of anything else.
Not even a second more on how we may not be able to feast like this again or if using this valuable red fabric and thread that was gifted to me should be used so frivolously.
Yet...

He holds on to me softly,Jun sings with an unskilled but melodic voice that seems to melt me even if my fighting him and telling to cease is a ruse.

I truly do not want to think of anything else but thoughts plague me as I try not to let them,worries over if I will be found out.
If my family will be safe.
Worries and more the more of them to bear on my mind and heart.
"What is the matter now caterpillar,hmm?"
Jun asks me,nuzzling my neck after the song has long ended,the meal near completion.I only squeeze his arms that encircle me with my now free hands and try to focus on his gentleness.

"I am afraid Jun...very frightened."
I feel him stiffen if only slightly,we both knew eventually this could happen but we feared to fear it overmuch so we hid it in tender moments,unrequired quarrels,anything else than to think on it further but it is near to come now.

I feel it so deeply,in my very bones.
"I can go,they are not interested in here or you.I swore to you I would as children and I still do now.No man I fear,I only fear GOD and losing you.I die,I die end of the matter"
I turn hastily,slapping him so hard that it makes my face hurt somehow more than his.My eyes run so heavy with tears that shed hot,falling faster and faster as my heart pours out words I have been bleeding within even thinking about.
"How is it so easy for you to say that!So easy to throw your life away?!Answer me Jun?I can't bear it,I truly cannot bear the thought of living in this evil world alone without you!Not even for a minute and somehow...."
Jun tries to settled me now,wiping my hot tears and I swipe them,his hand hard and away the action seeming to hurt him more than the assault on his lovely face.
"My deed from childhood will haunt my days,my nights,my moments with you public and private....I am going to be found and killed any day and you saying the interest is on you?!It is nonsense and you know it!"
"You killed that mans child as an accident,he was grabbing your baby sister like a toy or a kitten to drown!I am your husband! Not your father or your brother who only thought to leave you here alone would be the answer.I am responsible for you now,I will be accountable for what happened to that boy ,what he did to you.You were not wrong in attacking him with the hilt of the dagger you found."
I start crying harder,remembering how my baby sister cried out,he almost broke her neck tossing her about.All that was to simply get me to attack and rage at him.
Really only an excuse to find cause to take me away,punish me and ultimately to my disgust take me.He was well into his adolescence and I only eight years old.
His father always hunts me in every village,every town and every home daily.Being a magistrate and an in law of the kings brother helps manage all interests for him.
This can not go on forever...
This happiness,youthful love and peace in the mountains safe from darkness and shrouded by light.

Not even the little one begging to see the world within me.

"Forgive me...Jun....i-i can't....I just can't...."
That moment is like the song I sing often.
He puts his arms around me,one around my waist,with the other hand he gently brushes my hair.
Jun smells like the fresh air,woods,sweat from laboring at a near wood cutting friend of his home,like a life and a home I shouldn't have.
He smells like love and life to me,his eyes twinkle mischievous intent and I bark out a laugh at his sudden shift.

Jun is as most my everything when it comes to the flesh aside from this one growing within me.

Happiness though does not last long enough,before my words of my joyous news can be uttered for him to hear.
Arrows of fire pierce his arm and another my breast.
"What a pity we do not die instantly "

Soo-A

My heart can not......
"Why??"I ask...the air I suppose.

I saw it all happen from there.
I saw the home get rittled through with arrows,the home burning in moments and even with a pierced arm and a hole in his chest ,Dad carried Mom out of there.
She cries hard,clutching her stomach and wailing seeing Dads blood on her more and more.She pleads to him to put her down and leave but he refuses adamantly citing his earlier words.
A tall magistrate appears and seems to thoroughly enjoy Dads attempts top fight but strong as he was he was unskilled in combat unlike the magistrate who slowly cut his body into jagged lines of flesh and he held on so long to save Mom,his eyes resolute and unwavering telling her,
"Run"
"Go please Jo!"
Finishing before his final breath,Mom never so much as moving a muscle away from him until his heart stopped beating.
"Must you be so hard headed,I love you enough to die,can't you go so it can be in peace?"
"I swore to be your vexation until death my love..."

I had to release the sash,My heart can't bear to see her as she gave birth in the prison.
The child wailing to be returned,me,wailing to be returned.
Even upon releasing the sash though I saw the me of that era,I married into a tailors family becoming a seamstress to a princess.

I was happy,even as I was raised by that monster of a magistrate.
I stare on at the sashes remaining.
Ninety-eight.
I jot down all of what I just saw,vividly even though I had to pause from the sheer grief I feel so strongly secondhand as it is.

"Dad,Mom...I will honor your actions,do something good with them....I want to learn more of what you both did,I want to know....I am so sorry I was what led to all these cruel fates..."