Empty Corridor [ Log 1 ]

Elsa

Our belongings were packed in the few bags and boxes that now rested in Minerva’s cargo bay. It wasn’t much considering all those years we had lived here. In a few days, we would take them with us as we set out for the high port and then transfer them to Sol. I went through our rooms the last time, checking that I hadn’t left anything behind by mistake. Or maybe I was just restless, knowing that Kai waited for us to finish, sitting on the ramp with a cup of cold coffee in her hands.

I didn’t really know what to say to her. Yes, she could come with us, but was that enough? I sat down on our bed, watching the room that had been our home for such a long time. Would I miss it? I didn’t know. A part of me wanted to move on and forget about it once and for all, but I knew that for Li, change would be hard, as she didn’t know anything else. Neither did I, but having her forced me to always look ahead, planning our course in such a way that we would avoid any of the dangers the uncertain future could bring.

I never regretted taking care of her, no matter how difficult it was at times. I was happy that I had been able to guide us safely up to this point, even if it meant letting go of something when a new opportunity arose. Sol was a chance for a life where we didn’t need to worry about money or about a critical failure of the ship’s systems as we travelled through outer space.

I lit a cigarette and leaned back on the bed, exhaling smoke into the air. I wished I knew what to do with the empty void that hung between me and Kai every time we spoke. I wished I had the courage to slap her in the face and hug her tightly, never letting her go again.

I couldn't stand the silence and my own thoughts anymore, so I forced myself to get up and leave the room. The empty corridor echoed with my steps as I walked towards the bridge, hoping Li and Sol would fill the emptiness in my chest with their smiles.

Suddenly, I froze in mid-step, as I realised that Sol had somehow become part of us without me even noticing it. It was an equally comforting and terrifying thought. I trusted her, but how had it happened? Had I tried to fill the empty void I felt the moment Kai appeared in our lives with her, believing she was the safer choice? I really hoped that wasn’t the case. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us. I knew I couldn't take it back, and to be honest, I wasn't sure if I wanted to, even if I could. Li was so happy with her, and I liked her company, but I had no idea how this would affect Kai.

I leaned against the metal wall, finding solace in the cold that penetrated my jumpsuit, when footsteps echoed through the empty corridor, making me shiver as I wanted to be left alone. Kai was surprised to see me there. After our time together, I could read her feelings through her sunglasses. She walked over to me, toying with her coffee cup, and leaned against the wall next to me. The void between us hung heavily, and none of us dared to speak, yet our hands brushed against each other, even if both of us pretended it didn’t happen.

We left Minerva soon after. Li emerged from the cockpit with Sol, carrying a small bag containing our belongings in her hand. I saw Kai hesitating before joining us as we walked through the docks to a small café. The place was busy as the second shift had just ended, but we managed to squeeze ourselves around a small table at the entrance. Not the best spot, but we needed to make do with what we had, as neither me nor Kai dared to suggest we should go somewhere else.

I leaned back in the hard plastic chair, trying to drown my thoughts in the buzzing noise that surrounded us, and watched my crew. I had never been good with relationships in the first place, and those few I’d had only happened because the other side dragged me along with them for long enough, until, of course, they realised that Li was part of the package. But that was another story.

Kai had been different when we met, purely for business reasons, as back then she worked as a broker in the high port on Aldebaran, and I was looking for cargo to haul to a distant world. I don’t even remember how it started, but Li liked her from the beginning, so I went along without realising that the line between personal and professional became more and more blurry before it was too late.

I sipped on my juice, watching the silence that enveloped our table. Li slumbered in her chair, tired after the day, and Kay gazed towards the telescreen with an untouched cup of coffee in front of her. Sol scrolled through her holo display, checking the status of her repairs.

“Shall we do something before we leave?”, I asked when I couldn't bear the silence any more.

They looked at me in surprise, only Li smiling at my suggestion, but it was enough. If she was happy about it, we would spend some time together, no matter how anxious I felt about it.