Don't lose hope [ Log 1 ]

Sol

Don’t lose hope, Sol. There is beauty in this world, too. When the war is over, I will show you, I promise.

“Are you okay?”

I froze when Elsa put her hand on my arm, bringing back even more of the memories that had turned into stardust a long time ago. She pulled back the moment she felt me tensing, but I reached out, letting our hands meet in the air. I didn't want to relieve the regret that had haunted my dreams as I drifted through the empty void of space. It was an instinct to reach out, and I tried to pull back when I realised what I had done, but she held my hand, just for a moment, letting me know it was okay.

We looked at each other in silence as the cold rays of Elmir’s sun sipped through the window, and another spaceship roared its engines, taking off into the sky. She stayed quiet and didn’t ask about things I wasn’t ready to talk about, not wanting to let those memories cast a shadow on our trip. But I was grateful for her gesture as we left the hotel and walked towards the station to meet with Karla.

I was curious about Karla. She seemed to mean a lot to them both, but empty voids filled the air every time she was around. She watched us through her sunglasses, but never dared to join in. It reminded me of how I once had been, even if for totally different reasons.

The soft snow swirled in the cold air as we walked between tall pines. Li walked between us, almost dancing as she took soft steps, excited about the upcoming trip, while both of us walked in silence. Karla was waiting for us at the entrance, standing stiffly next to the sliding glass doors with a cup of coffee in her hands. She gave me a hesitant nod and forced a smile on her face before she greeted the others. She looked like Foch when he joined my crew, fresh from his BNT and unsure if he’d ever find his place onboard, rather than someone on holiday with her friends.

I put my hand on her shoulder, trying to reassure her she belonged with us, and she instinctively stepped back, but her gaze lingered on me as we walked towards our platform. We had arrived too early, not sure how long it would take to walk here from our hotel and not wanting to risk missing our train. So we sat on a hard plastic bench waiting for our train to come. Surrounded by the bustling noise of the crowd and flashing advertisements that littered the station, I managed to keep my memories at bay, knowing Captain Leav would have loved to see this place.

Adaharu, Elmir’s highest mountain, with its peak reaching high into the sky, was a popular tourist attraction for both locals and out worldly visitors who wished to see the light of the shooting stars reflecting in the ice crystals floating high in Elmir’s atmosphere. They illuminated the night sky as their falling stardust slowly burned before reaching the planet’s surface. Even on the holo display, sitting together on the bed in our room, planning our trip, it was beautiful.

Finally, the screens on the walls flickered, updating with new information, and a mechanical voice announced the arrival of our mag-lev train. We boarded, and I sat down next to Karla, as the Captain had asked me to do when we left the hotel, and I watched Elsa and Li take the seats in front of us. I glanced at her, sitting stiffly in her seat. She watched out the window as our train silently pulled away, taking us from the busy city towards the mountains looming on the horizon. The hum of the aircon filled the silence that hung between us as the wagons pressurised before our train started to climb the slopes of Adaharu.

“How quickly can you put it on?”, I asked her.

I pointed at the emergency respirator hanging above her head. I had seen her ignoring the safety briefing, playing on the small screen in front of her. Even if I knew the answer, it was the best opportunity I had so far to start a conversation.

“Five minutes?”, she shrugged without looking at me, her body stiffening at the sound of my voice.

“Can you hold your breath for so long?”

She tried to ignore my banter, but a faint smile appeared on her face. Even if she tried to hide it, her reflection in the window didn’t lie. I didn’t push any further, letting her hide behind her sunglasses once again as I leaned back into my seat, letting my thoughts drift once more to those who had turned into stardust a long time ago.