The Impact of The Meeting

Someone tugged him harshly and started to lead him to the door. The manager was angry at himself. He thought being too good for this one boy will finally make him unemployed, but still it was not easy to say “no” and not being worried about his mental and physical health. It was the first time seeing the young one in such a state, his speciality was not following the rules and talking back lately.

“Let’s go, everyone is waiting for you!”

“I can’t go right now, I need to find her!” The idol was trying to run away, but the person who was responsible for him was strong enough to stop him.

“Who?! Have you lost your mind already?” The manager was barely breathing, wanting the boy to work with such a passion like he was trying to break free. “Don’t make me think you smoke something else besides cigarettes,” he panted.

“She couldn’t go that far, let me go!”

“That’s enough!” The older man shoved the youngster in the direction of the door. “You have responsibilities and you’re gonna deal with them. I don’t care what has happened here, but you are not going anywhere, Kenny.”

Coldness in the way the boy’s name was spoken woke him up. He didn’t even get angry about calling him this stupid stage name, which he hated so much. It felt like stop watching in the direction she disappeared, making the bond between them break. An urge to fight was slowly decreasing as the sense of responsibility started to hit him with remorse, but something new started to sprout in his heart, a dream to find her no matter what it takes. And as she said there is someone, who can’t be disappointed, so for now he gave up and prepared for the concert. It was hard not to react when the rest of the group stopped already with not showing how his behaviour seemed disturbing for them.

He used to think that stage is the place, where everything is just right, until it was not. The realization came up pretty fast, but the rebellion needed a bit more time to be born in his heart. Lights blinded him for a moment and then his body started to move on its own. Dancing, singing, synchronization, even some interaction, all being the result of endless tiring, hours long practices. As usual his mind started to shut down, just to survive till the end and not care what was going on around.

The break to take a sip of water, a bit of a moment to look and hear. Fans were chanting his name among the others, and he couldn’t even smile in their direction, because it was making him angry. The microphone was already in his hand and how tempting it was to shout out “That’s not my name! Do you even remember it?!” Fist clenched even more, false smile on a face, interactions they were expecting. Screams, mobile phone’s cameras pointed at him, leading later to stupidm ridiculous theories, as they analysed everything he did, doing everything just to gain their attention.

They were claiming they love him and the rest of the group, all he could think about was “do you even know what love is?”. Not that he had an answer for that question already, but he wanted to find out sooner or later. And the face of the girl from earlier made him feel like he would definitely do so sooner than later.

Who do you love, my dear fans? Me, about who you don’t know anything or the stage creation I made? Why do you love me? For my handsome face, nice body, average but sufficient singing and dancing effort. Personality? I feel most of the time that I don’t even know who I am anymore. Love? Stop using that word when you think about me. You don’t let me feel that freely, so I don’t want it from you either. That was what he was thinking about when scanning the faces in the first rows.

He didn’t know what he was looking for actually but accidently he found it. A small figurine standing there on the side so similar to her. That must be the girl, he was supposed not to let down! Their eyes met for a second and she just smiled happily without going crazy about it. He felt a wave of energy inside him, then the rest of the concert was even enjoyable for the first time in a really long time. This time he had someone who needed to be impressed, to make her older sister also happy and maybe more sympathetic towards himself.

The idol’s gaze was going in her direction from time to time just not to make it suspicious and to make sure she is still smiling. It was so nice, because she was not looking at him through the phone but making memories by being present not recording. She knew all the lyrics singing with them silently, not screaming, just enjoying their vocals and music. Not courting the attention so desperately, being thankful for the possibility to attend at all. What made him stop was her chanting as he realized it was going Ka-zu-ya, his name and how much he wanted the world to shut up, so he could hear her voice. And her gaze, where he couldn’t find the false love and admiration but support, as she was saying, that no matter what they say, she believes in him.

And they were saying a lot, how he became lazy and rude both to the rest of the group but definitely a worse option for the fans. Always some “but” like he was nice but he should smile more, say this, act like that. Articles considering if a pretty face is really enough to get off with everything. Accusing him of being false while not letting him to be himself, wanting to control him like a doll. Kazuya realised how much pain he had already clustered inside him and his heart was going through stings of it with almost every pound. As he was still looking at the younger of the sisters, the world stopped existing for a moment so he could ask her, having in mind also the older one.

“Please, save me” he whispered. The single tear, which had to pretend to be a sweat drop, running down his cheek.