The Cries at Dawn

A small, painfully familiar guest room slowly expanded in Yuame’s vision. Before the image even fully formed, he already knew it by the smells of the fibers, the creaking of the floorboards, and the fragility of the fraying paper scroll. Though he had left his home behind him, he often found himself revisiting it in dreams. Despite everything, the fleeting sense of familiarity usually brought him comfort.

But right now, inside the room, a woman was crying. Her thin body shook as she clawed at the tatami beneath her in her despair.

My dear, what is wrong…?

He tried to speak to her, but she couldn’t hear him.

Then came a sound that put all his senses on edge; the shrill wailing of a child, panicked and afraid. He saw a young boy clinging desperately to the woman’s apron, his face blood-red and puffy from crying. As if his grief was too much for his small body to contain.

Oh, darling one, please… don’t cry…

But the child couldn’t hear him either.

The cries amplified and swelled to a ghostly chorus, racking his lucid form. He watched the pair from above, wanting to reach out, but couldn’t.

He couldn’t save them. None of them.

“… no… no…”

Another loud cry sent a deep shiver through him. Yuame gasped, his throat dry as paper.

“No - I beg you - please…!” a woman screamed in the distance.

Two voices wailed outside. A woman and a child. He could hear them. But he couldn’t help. Shivering, Yuame pressed himself to the mat. “No… no… I’m sorry…”

“Yuame…”

A warmth pressed against his back. Its scent was of fur and old forest. Yuame pressed his wrists to his face, and found his cheeks were wet. “I’m sorry,” he moaned again.

“Ssh, ssh, ssh…”

Arms wrapped around him. One hand pressed over his ear, the other slid under his head to let him rest in a tight embrace. Gentle fingers smoothed through his hair.

Outside, the woman’s wails had quietened to sobs. The child was still screaming. “O-tooo! O-tooo!” it cried, the elongated syllables morphing with the echoes of his dream.

Father…

Yuame whimpered. Finally, the warm presence and gentle caresses helped him to stop shivering.

“Sleep, Yuame. I’m here…” a low, familiar voice said to his ear.

With a sigh, he slipped back into darkness and silence.

***

When he woke again, he did not remember the dream, nor the cries at dawn. His body felt like lead, his feet and back still aching from the day before.

This was definitely the downside to becoming corporeal.

Something rustled at his side. Yuame groaned softly, willing his heavy eyelids open.

He was still in that dreadful attic. He wasn’t sure the daylight made it look any better or worse. Shielding his eyes from a beam that was falling through a hole in the roof, he sat up slightly.

“It’s alright, Yuame. Go back to sleep.”

Kaoru kneeled beside him, gingerly fixing the robe that had been draped over Yuame’s body. Yuame frowned, still getting his bearings. “Kaoru…? Where - what…”

“Don’t worry, I won’t be long. I’m only going to find us different lodgings. Better ones.” Kaoru was whispering.

Yuame’s vision was hazy, but he saw that Kaoru was already fully dressed. Exhausted lines were edged into his face, but his voice was steady.

Yuame looked up at him, expecting anxiety to grip his heart, but found he still had no energy for it. With a small nod of understanding, he laid back down to the mat.

“Kaoru…”

“Yes?”

“I don’t like it here.”

A shiver seemed to pass through Kaoru, before he nodded solemnly. “Me neither. That’s why I’m going to find us another place. You can stay and rest until then. I’ll be back before nightfall.”

Yuame looked at him through his lashes, before closing them with a sigh.

I meant, I don’t like it here.

There is too much of everything in this city.

Joy.

Despair.

Pleasure.

Pain.

I’ve never felt so much of it all at once.

But… I know how much you were looking forward to coming here…

Yuame said nothing, pulling his robe up to his chin. Kaoru gently patted his shoulder before getting to his feet. But as he moved to the ladder, he hesitated.

“Yuame…?”

“Mm?”

“If anything happens, can you… disappear?”

Yuame made a face, squinting at the grimy walls and broken roof. “No… Not unless I get more familiar with this place.” And I really, really don’t want to do that.

Kaoru grunted softly, thinking. “Okay… Then how about this. If we get separated, meet me at the large willow we passed on our way here. The one in front of the pleasure district. I will come and find you. I promise.”

Yuame nodded. He didn’t doubt Kaoru at that moment, but he couldn’t help but notice how often he had heard those final two words during the past days.

“Okay…”

Kaoru flashed him a tired smile, then began to descend the creaking ladder. Before his face could disappear from view, Yuame whispered: “Be careful.” Then he curled up and went back to sleep.

***

The house smelled like rotting fish and stale alcohol. It was still better than the stench of death that permeated the area. The wind had turned again, making it just bearable, but only after Kaoru had covered his nose with his rough-spun robe.

Carefully navigating the precarious ladder, he found his footing on the earth floor. When he turned around, the owner was smirking at him from behind the wooden counter.

“Slept well, I take it?”

Kaoru narrowed his eyes, before he gave the man the nicest smile he could muster.

“Good enough, thank you. I have a favor to ask.” Approaching the counter, he continued: “My companion is in need of more rest. Please let him sleep until I come to pick him up before nightfall.”

“Oh?” the owner’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “Did ya tire him out good?”

Kaoru’s dark irises expanded very slightly, glinting with danger. He ignored the man’s jab, keeping his composure.

“This is for your trouble,” he said through gritted teeth, tossing a coin onto the wooden counter. He gave a barely noticeable bow and stalked out the door.

Outside, he wrapped his robe more tightly across his nose and mouth. The wind mercifully blew from the West, holding the worst of the odor at bay. Still, he was reluctant to breathe, feeling the stench cling to his skin and settle on the back of his tongue like bile.

Knowing what he knew now, even looking the way of the Bridge of Tears felt physically repulsive. With a shudder, he remembered the cries that had pierced the dawn and confirmed his terrible suspicions.

A family torn apart, first separated by a bridge. By now, certainly by death.

This place is cursed. I should have never brought Yuame here.

He did not want to leave him behind, especially not with that slimy owner, but he also couldn’t bear to exhaust him further while he searched blindly like the day before. This mission for lodgings could again be in vain, but he vowed to take Yuame away from here as soon as he could.

And I couldn’t handle another night in this stench.

His resolve mounting, Kaoru went on his way, keeping the bridge at his back. But he had barely made it away from the house when a hoarse voice shouted after him.

“Hey! You! Wait!”

Turning around, he saw the owner was jogging after him, his rat-like face dark with anger. Once he was close, the man hissed: “Did you swindle me last night, stranger?”

Kaoru’s heartbeat accelerated slightly, but his face betrayed nothing. “Swindle you? What do you mean?”

“The money you paid me! It wasn’t all there when I checked just now!”

Kaoru gave him a blank stare. “… and that is my fault? Are you saying I took it back?”

“Well, did you?!”

“Of course not. I was fast asleep.”

The owner’s face twitched, his beady eyes narrowing even further. “Yes, you were… but then how did those coins disappear?”

“Don’t ask me! It’s not my fault that you’re careless with-“ Kaoru abruptly stopped talking. “... What do you mean, ‘yes, you were’?”

His voice dropped dangerously low. “Did you spy on us while we slept?”

The owner gave an unapologetic shrug, his lips pulling into a monkey-like grimace. Pure disgust washed over Kaoru and made the hairs in his neck stand up. He took a step forward, fists balling at his sides. “You filthy piece of - “

“Careful, stranger,” the man sneered as he backed up, then pointed behind him at the bridge. “See those guards over there? They know me. And if I were to tell them you stole from me…”

His terrible grin widened, showing all of his cracked, brown teeth. Kaoru saw more ugliness in his eyes, as if the denture rot had spread all throughout him. Cowardice. Deceit. 

“Well, they won’t care if we skip any trial and take you straight to the execution grounds.”

Kaoru swallowed hard. A flicker of fear flashed in his eyes. Not for himself. For Yuame.

What could he do? Beating up this man, as much as he wanted to, or running away, would make things infinitely worse.

Right now, he had to stay calm and de-escalate this situation.

Kaoru scraped his throat, his voice unnaturally calm as he spoke: “But you know I did not steal from you. You said it yourself, you saw us being fast asleep… and one more thing,” - his voice grew steadier - “How could either of us have gotten down, let alone up, that broken ladder in the dark? Without a sound?”

The owner gritted his teeth, his face betraying he knew Kaoru was right, but that did not stop him. “I don’t care! Just pay me what I am owed! Or I will call the guards right now!”

Kaoru sucked his teeth as the man raised his voice, hoping that Yuame was still asleep and would never know about any of this. He would never hear the end of it if he did.

“Fine.” Kaoru reached for his waistband.

The owner paled and backed off a step before he realized Kaoru was unarmed, and was reaching for his pouch instead. Keeping eye contact the whole time, the tanuki shook all of the remaining coins into his palm. Judging by their weight, most of them were real.

This is the last time I’m ever mixing fake coins in with real ones again.

“I trust this is enough to put this unfortunate misunderstanding behind us?”

The owner’s face lit up with greed as soon as he saw the money. He nodded vigorously, already walking up to Kaoru with his hand stretched out. As he came closer, Kaoru closed his fist. Towering over the man threateningly, Kaoru spoke in a low voice that was almost a growl: “But listen to me. If you so much as lay your eyes on my companion again…” 

Kaoru fixed the man in his nearly black eyes, his lip raising in a snarl.

I will burn that hovel down with you in it.

Kaoru blinked rapidly. Despite his anger, that sudden violent thought surprised him. As if a white hot burst of malice had radiated out of him, briefly overtaking any and all reason. He faltered, the danger draining from his eyes.

Damn. Must be my lack of sleep.

“... I will know.” He finally whispered.

The owner squinted back at him, not quite impressed, but he did not argue again as Kaoru opened his fist and let the coins spill into his greedy hands. A few bounced into the dust, and Kaoru watched with wonder and disdain how the man grabbed after them, chuckling gleefully.

Shaking his head, Kaoru turned his back on the man kneeling in the dirt, and quickly began to make his way back south.

In the daylight, the walk seemed much shorter. Asakusa was already on the horizon. The farther he left the depressing area behind him, the lighter his steps became. Even his mind became less dark, no longer plaguing him with violent thoughts.

As Kaoru approached Yoshiwara, he dared to uncover his face. Greedily he breathed in the air, not even caring that the wetlands carried their own stink of fish guts and mud. At least this was natural.

Relieved, he let his eyes dart all over the island before him, taking it in as the early morning sun shone upon it. There were no red lights or laughing voices spilling over the walls now; Yoshiwara was at rest. All its inhabitants had to be sleeping off the long night. Whimsically, he wondered how many men inside were having sated dreams in the arms of a beautiful woman.

He realized his feet had stopped just outside the bridge leading towards the entrance gate. His eyes slid curiously past the decorated walls to try and catch a glimpse of the grounds within. If only he could take a quick look…

His gaze caught on the large willow tree flanking the bridge, reminding him of his promise to Yuame.

No, Kaoru. Not now. There are more important things you have to do right now.

Suddenly laughter spilled out from within the gate, along with the sound of unsteadily approaching footsteps. Kaoru’s ears pricked up, before he physically shook off the urge to stay and watch.

He couldn’t help but be drawn to the sound of laughter! But he forced himself to turn away, resuming his trip back towards Asakusa.

A few moments later, the wooden bridge softly creaked under his feet.

Kaoru slowly walked across towards Yoshiwara’s entrance gate, his eyes fixed on a single point.