Warmness On The Soul

A few days had passed since Leo called me and there had been no news about any of my problems. I hadn’t make any progress too in my research either. Nothing was going well.

The routine I tried to force on myself only made me more tired, more sad… more desperate to find a solution quickly.

These days were simple. To cope and avoid the tears from pouring, I had to become a machine, suppress my mind to keep it from wandering into places that would have truly lost me this time.

In the morning, at 7 a.m., the alarm would ring and I would wake up. I would then inspect every part of the room: every closet, under the bed, behind every curtain. The bathroom wouldn’t escape my inspection either. I had to do this.

Only after that would I eat a proper breakfast and do all the necessary preparations to go to work. I would hide my notebooks, the doll, and any secret documents inside a hole in a hole I had carved into the wall, hidden behind the large wardrobe near my bed.

At 8 a.m., I would be at work. I would work until my hands ached to the bone from typing on my computer. I wouldn’t eat. I wouldn’t rest. I wouldn’t drink coffee. I would just make myself obedient to my promises and work even more, hoping time would pass faster. I had to keep my life as normal as possible while not letting anyone discover anything. It was for my own sake.

After those hard days, only one thing would be left to be done, the same thing I did everyday: my research.

I asked priestesses about curses, but they couldn’t talk to me about it, as if their mouth and minds were shut by their own thoughts, or as if something told them to stay silent.

I searched on the net and read a lot of books about physics. Maybe some laws could help me understand certain peculiar events, give me an explainable answer. But that couldn’t be the right way, and even I knew it. That’s why, out of frustration, I often threw these books across the hotel room.

Visiting temples, studying physics, reading ancient books or books written by people who must have been high to come up with those things – I did a lot of research. I tried to study supernatural events, but nothing quite similar to my situation had ever been recorded. A quest that led me nowhere.

My notebooks were filled with all sorts of things – formulas, maps to temples, drawings of the doll, quotations from supernatural-themed books. They filled my room, they filled my mind, they filled the void in my heart, helping me try to find a hope I was not sure I would ever obtain.

I was exhausted. I couldn’t sleep well at night, staring at the ceiling and only managing to sleep one or two hours before having to wake up and repeat the cycle once again.

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“First the curse and now Leo… What should I do? And this doll… Why does everything have to be so complicated…?”

I was resting in my hotel room, lying on the single bed at the far left, staring at the ceiling and letting my thoughts drift into its beige color.

“Days, they come, and days, they go… yet not one is spent with you. My heart aches so much, you’ve never been away this long… It’s a tragic Sunday.”

I was alone in this room, no one but me, no one else but the sickening sound of the air conditioner.

“What should I do? I have no one to ask… even Hayate can’t help anymore, I don’t want this to be a burden for him. I know this is my own objective, that this is my task, to put an end to all of this… but I can’t find anything…”

I wiped the tears that were starting to shine at the corner of my eyes and stood up from the bed. It was already noon as the light bathed the room. I walked in front of the window, closed my eyes, and let the sun’s rays brush my face with their sweet warmth. My respiration calmed, my body relaxed, my mind cleared.

“I have to go search for something else. There might be something out here in the wild that nobody has discovered yet. I want to try every possibility before finding Leo and make him pay for some things. I won’t fall into his trap by looking for him right now. I know him, he’s just waiting for that.”

I sat on the floor and looked to my right. Under the desk lay the doll I had placed there the other day, instead of putting it in the hole. The sight of it made me clench my fists and grit my teeth, though it only lasted a few seconds.

“I didn’t find anything about this doll. I’m sure it’s not normal… but what is it supposed to do, then?”

I shot to my feet, rushing to the entrance as an idea sparked in my mind. I pulled on my shoes and a vest, then flung the door in one swift motion.

I stopped. I was shocked. My eyes fell on something that made my jaw drop, my eyes widen, my heart begin to race.

“You’re blocking the entrance, Ryota! I did some shopping, so it’s kind of heavy, help me!” She said, amused.

Despite the blond, short hair, and the absence of freckles, the presence of the small mole on the side of the upper lip, the shiny gray eyes, the thin and soft nose, the tender lips completing this face – they all screamed to me that it was her. She was here, now, in front of my very eyes. I shook my head to regain my composure.

With arms wide open, I rushed to her and took her delicate body into my arms. She didn’t resist and even dropped the heavy bags she had in her hands to return my embrace.

She lifted her head to look at me in such a seductive way, a flame seemingly dancing in her eyes. Before I could even react, she kissed me – kissed my lips that have been waiting for her return. I answered her kiss, I answered her love.

I took the bags, put them in the entrance, and closed the door behind us. We went back into the room. We had to make up for the lost time. My mind couldn’t think of anything else but her. I fell in love again. I wanted her to see it and so, we lost our minds, so much that hours passed by quickly.

In the evening, we were sitting on the bed in our pajamas, eating what room service had brought us. My eyes were glued to her. My smile wouldn’t fade. I was happy.

“It’s funny though, I was only gone for a few hours and you were already so impatient to see me again?” She asked, laughing as she seemed to remember it.

“Oh, but these hours felt like weeks…”

“You’re funny, dear. I hope this was to your liking, then.” She said teasingly.

“It was. And I’ll make sure it won’t feel like weeks ever again. I’ll make sure these long hours disappear forever. Now that you’re back, we’ll enjoy these hours.” I spoke in a serious tone, my eyes wandering into nothingness, losing focus on her.

She must have seen something change in me, because she patted my head and pulled me into her arms. I buried my head in her scent and couldn’t help but cry silently without her noticing.

“Funny way to say it, Ryota. But I won’t go anywhere, you know? We’re bound together and no one could tear this apart.” She said as she agitated her left hand before my eyes to show her wedding ring. A small smile drew itself on my face.

“Tomorrow, let’s take a day off from work. I want to go somewhere with you. I know you’ve worked a lot, so you can take a day without them complaining.” I said, slipping out of her hug to put our plates on the desk.

“Sure thing. We can do that! It’s been days since we last went on a date together.”

She scrutinized me from head to toe, her gaze piercing my soul as I walked back to the bed.

“But first, let’s sleep. Look at your tired eyes! And I thought you slept well with your wife, but…” She stared at the simple bed. “If only it hadn’t been the last room we could find, it would have been better. Just the two of us in a single bed... it’s quite hard for us to sleep well.”

“Don’t worry too much about it. In two weeks our apartment will be ready, apparently. We just have to be patient and endure this a little longer.” I said, switching off the lights and crawling into bed.

Atsuko put half her body on top of me and we then took all the space we could in this little bed, the sheet bringing me less warmth than her touch – this warmth that I hadn’t felt in weeks.

“Goodnight, Ryota. I love you!” She murmured with her sweet voice.

“Goodnight… Atsuko.”

Night went on, hours passed. Despite being with her again, I couldn’t sleep.

 “I feel like shit. Every time, I keep telling myself not to get carried away… to keep a leash on my emotions, to stay serious and focused, to find answers. There must be a pattern, something I’m missing, and yet I’m not doing anything meaningful to uncover it. I should only let my emotions run free once this curse is over, or else my heart could break again.”

I glanced at her, still in the same position. We hadn’t closed the blinds, and so the moonlight spilled across her face. I couldn’t take my eyes off her – it made all my bad thoughts disappear. I focused again, determined this time.

“I have to protect her. This time will be the last time it happens. On this day, Atsuko, you won’t die again. I’ll keep this promise!”