Monsters Outside, Monsters Inside

“That’ll do, yes?” Poltergeist asks in a voice dripping with sarcasm. “You don’t need us to show and make up some exotic excuse for you returning home in the middle of the night?”

    We’ve reached the small gate leading to my house before I could muster enough willpower to ask Rubeus more questions. What should I ask him, anyway? Why I have now a clockwork key stuck in my back? How I am supposed to deal with it if someone asks what it is? What they’re going to do to me next? At this point I wouldn’t trust anything he’d tell me.

    I’m tired.

    All I want is to go to bed and yet… I stand still, absently staring at the window. There’s light in the living room.

“Megumi Hoshimori?”

    Only upon hearing Rubeus’ voice, I realise how tense I’ve been.

    From the corner of my eye, I notice him about to take a step closer, and I immediately walk away, pushing open the small gate.

“Leave me alone.”

“Wait.” Poltergeist chimes in.

    Infuriated, I turn back to point a finger at them.

“Don’t you think you’ve been enough of a pain in the ass for tonight? It wasn’t enough to force me to join your group of… of… monsters’ fighters? Night avengers? Whatever. It wasn’t enough to hammer this thing into my back? Can’t I even have a night of rest? That’s too much to ask?”

“We need your Lime.” The white rabbit replies, unphased.

“Huhh?”

    Taken aback by the banality of his request, I lose my pent-up aggression, ending up lowering my hand.

“You want my Lime?”

“Yeah, how else do you think we’re gonna plan our next meetings? By crawling out from under your bed?”

    I roll my eyes, folding my arms.

“Wouldn’t be out of character. You’ve got magic, as far as I’m aware of. You sure have some twisted tricks up your sleeve.”

    He did appear kinda out of nowhere when the school was burning. I’m not gonna believe he has foreknowledge and just waited on the rooftop for the whole day.

“Ya think Rubeus would waste his mana like this? Have you already forgotten? The more magic you use, the more memories you lose.”

    I sigh and grab my phone without uttering any unnecessary words.

    Just gonna do that fast so they finally leave.

    With our Lime exchanged, I was already about to turn away from them, but the marionette still has something to add.

“The person you become depends on the memories you have. Try to be more cautious when it comes to magic from now on.”

    I raise my eyes. Staring at him with a frown before turning my back to that damned rabbit.

“So you say.”

    Thank god. This time he doesn’t add anything else.

    Reaching the threshold, I open the door as silently as I can. Stepping in, I briefly close my eyes in relief as it parts me from the outside, from the ventriloquist and his marionette.

    Counting to ten in my mind, I take a deep breath in before taking off my shoes and going through the corridor. Straight to the stairs.

    Creak.

    A shiver runs down my spine as the floorboards betray me.

    Faint sounds. Someone standing up from the couch. Hurried steps, growing heavier. I can already feel a knot forming in my belly, my heart hammering in my chest.

    Before any word has been uttered, a hand grabs my arm forcefully, the nails sinking into my skin through the fabric as it yanks me towards her, forcing me to meet her gaze.

“You return home at this hour?” Her voice is dry, carrying only raw irritation. “Did I allow you? Is that how I raised you, huhh?”

“…”

    Her grip grows tighter.

“Answer, Megumi. Come on. Come on. Hurry up. Do you realise I could’ve been sleeping for hours now?”

“Idiot.” I mutter, forming the word with my lips more than I whisper it.

    But that’s all it takes. That’s all it takes for her expression to become blank, for my arm to hurt as she pushes me to the wall, raising her free arm in a fist.

    I barely have the time to close my eyes before it hits the top of my head, only to grab strands of my hair being and pull on them as if they were weeds.

    Far from stopping there, there are more kicks. More pulls.

    I can’t breathe.

    Seeking refuge into the tiniest space, I let myself slide down against the wall, clumsily crossing my arms before my face.

    Every sound keeps stuck in my throat. I feel the wetness threatening to escape my eyes, but I have to hold back. I won’t let her have that. I won’t let her win.

    The sleeve of my black hoodie slips from my shoulder in the mess, granting access to her fingers. Her nails find my skin, scratching me as I struggle to free myself.

    Somehow, I finally break free from her grasp. Crawling on the first steps of the stairs, I seek support to stand up, run up the stairs in a hurry.

“Stay here! You bitch, you shit…”

    Hurried footsteps echo mine up the stairs.

    Throwing open the door of my bedroom just enough to let me slip in, I slam it behind me, quickly locking it. Eyes wide open, I step back, seeking to put as much distance as I can between the door and me. Not quick enough to miss the sight of the knob beginning to tremble.

“Fucking brat…” Her huffed voice spits.

    Taking refuge in a corner of my room, I cower against the bed frame and the wall.

    My breath comes ragged.

    Shutting my eyes closed, I cover my head with my hands, fingers pressing into my ears, trying to suppress the sound of her voice, of the drumming against the door, of the knob being tightly held and shaken with a metallic noise.

⋆༺♱༻⋆

    After what felt like hours, I slowly remove my fingers from my ears.

    No sound.

    At last. Just the silence of the night or rather, what remains of it.

    The absence of sound is kind of threatening. Some silences may be reassuring, but not that one. For how long will it last this time? Whenever the faintest sound breaks the tranquillity of the night, it makes my heart hammer against my ribs.

    Keeping my arms wrapped around my knees, I stare blankly at the floor. Over my arms, I can still feel stinging burning my skin.

“The person you become depends on the memories you have.”

    Stupid rabbit.

    I slightly tighten my grip.

    What person am I supposed to become with that? I wish I could lose them. I wish I could erase all of my memories. Then I can be free.

    Almost as if to mock me, an image flashes through my mind. An image which fills me with a warmth as light as a breeze.

    Slowly, I raise my head to glance at the window. My gaze lingers beyond, where a couple of stars glisten in the night.

“I’m sorry, I’m weak.”

    As I recall the time spent under the bridge, where I first met Mr. Izawa, this time I can’t help it. A stray tear rolls down my cheek.

    I know I can’t lie to myself like that. Even if they are few, I have some memories worth remembering. I’m not dumb, I know they’re only precious to me. Some people… can’t be reached. But it doesn’t stop them from being what stars are to the night. The only thing keeping it from getting too dark.

    I’m weird. I hate myself. I know we’re not friends, we’re not blood-related. If anything, we’re closer to being strangers. But still, part of me can’t help but wonder…

“What would it have been like to have you as my father?”