The Lotus Transformation

The red, orange and yellow backdrop becomes darker as the sun sinks in to horizon through the window. I sit titled to left grabbing the pole in front of me, trying not to fall asleep. The dark grey shadows beneath my eyes grow dark as each day passes.  Growing up I had loved anime and manga, and it had always been something I had inspired to create and bloom in to. While my friends grew up wanting to become doctors, lawyers and office-workers, I wanted to be animator. I received many warnings from friends and family about all the risks and the kind of work hours animators get. Despite that, I continued on with my dream. The result was I was shunned by my friends and family and end up lonely. At age 23 I received a job at Fusama Animation as an animator. I hated the boss. And to make it worse, it was and still is the most demanding and stressful job I've ever had. I had no free-time and I always left home with little to no energy left. All this was done to satisfy the big heads in the company and us, the animators, were left with little money. I have so much regrets piling up inside me. It hurts. It hurts like a knife through my chest. The feeling of disgust you feel when you have so much regret stuffed inside. 

I lean my head against the the pole next tot the door.I look up, the next station is where I have to get off. I slightly push by bag up, so it rest on my shoulder as I exit the train.The station is quiet at this time of day. I look through my wallet, no food tonight. I rub my hand against my cheek. It's hard to believe, but I can feel the bone. 

It's quiet dark now, and the lamppost seem like they extend forever. The blue neon lights, are dim as I look to the other side. It's weirs to say, but I see different and alternative versions of myself standing by the side walk. Ones a doctors with an expensive suit. One a lawyer with one bag stuffed full of document and another with $100 US dollar bills. I see another one, a typical office worker, smiling back at me. I look away as my eyes begin to tear up, I can do nothing but, embrace.

"Is there only pain and suffering in this accursed world?" I yell..

 I arrive at home throwing my bag on the ground and going straight to my bed. As i go to sleep, I forget to turn off the light the living room. I have always hated that boss. Despised him, especially when he would pick on and make fun of. I don't even want to think of what else he does. I can't stop thinking of him as I fall asleep.
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I feel as if I am falling. Falling and then caught by a flower. A lotus.
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I wake up sweating profusely. I'm late. I slept in. I don't usually do this. I look at my phone, 28%, and an email from by boss. What is it now? It says he won't be here today. I sigh. As I get dressed I realise, This isn't me. I don't like me. I rub my eyes. It isn't me. I look like him. My boss. So my different ideas blitz through my mind. I can do anything. whatever I want. And not get caught for it. This is what it must be like to have complete freedom. To be free from worry, free from doubt but, I am still not free from regret. I think long and cold.

Fusama has taken so much from me; time, money and energy. They've almost killed me. Mental and emotional wounds cut so deep that no bandaid can fix them. I'm going to plot some sort of revenge. No, I will. I will take down the company and solve my regrets. It is only then I will be able to find peace, a place without regret. Don't get me wrong, this is not just simply revenge but, now my goal. I grab a notebook, I still don't know the limitations I have or the effects of this power so it best to document what happens. The only thing I can remember form last night was the lotus, so I will call this new-found power of mine, the Lotus Shape Shift. I have had enough. I grab my bag as I exit the door, I begin with a small company and make my to become a world leader. I will begin my redemption arc.