Ludicrous Lap Lesson

Didn’t take long to regret my choice. “What Yuumondou said about me being your assistant, was that true?” Safely away from the principal’s office, I finally worked up the nerve to ask Robolina one of the questions that had been weighing on my mind for the past few minutes.

“Relax. It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement.” Her words were cold and deadpan, lacking any hint of emotion. It almost felt like the golem walking next to me and the cutesy golem who pleaded with me to stay were two separate people.

“Uh-huh.” As we walked down the hallway, I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. She was wearing a completely blank expression. “Are you--Never mind. What should we do first?”

“Summon.” With a flick of her wrist, she summoned a pearly white orb and pressed it into my hand. It felt cold and rough to the touch, like a rock. But as I curled my fingers around it, I felt something pulling at the back of my mind.

“How did you do that?” I asked. “I thought golems couldn’t use magic.”

“We can’t, normally. I modified my body to absorb mana from the surrounding environment.” No doubt she actually belonged at the top magic school. Unlike me.

Thinking that way wasn’t going to solve my problem, so I returned my attention to the orb. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

“It’s a weap--a tool designed to drain mana. I modified it to take only a little at a time. By the end of the day, it should make you keenly aware of your mana. There’s an informal track club meeting after class. Hold on to it until then.”

“You’re not going to teach me any spells before then? I thought we were in a hurry.”

“Magic requires mental focus, and you’re in no state for that right now.”

⁂

Robolina was right about that. I was unable to concentrate during the entrance ceremony or homeroom. The magnitude of my situation weighed so heavily on my mind that I couldn’t even pay attention when my classmates were introducing themselves. Their faces and names all blurred together. It didn’t help that they were mostly unfamiliar elven names. Elves were few and far between at my old school, but now I was surrounded by them.

“Thank you, Ms. Akemi. Mr. Yamaguchi.” Hearing my name jerked me back to reality. The teacher was looking at me, through thick-rimmed spectacles. What was his name again? I didn’t remember. I don’t think it even registered that he was a gnome. Even though he was shorter than me, the fierce scowl on his face gave off an intimidating aura.

What did he want from me? Oh, right, introductions. “I’m Seishin Yamaguchi. I, uh…” My brain struggled to come up with something interesting to say, but since it wasn’t working at the moment, my mouth blurted out words without thinking. “I live within walking distance of the school.”

Even in my state, I knew how dumb that sounded, and the snickers all around me confirmed it. Without waiting for prompting from the teacher, I sat down and tried to pretend I hadn’t noticed.

The rest of orientation passed quickly, though I couldn’t tell you anything about it. Once we were released, I shuffled out of the room before realizing I had no idea where the informal meeting was taking place.

Please, don’t let me mess this up, too. A silent prayer passed through my mind, not to any particular god or goddess. I wasn’t any more religious than your average Japanese person, but somewhere along the line, I’d picked up the habit. Even if the gods lived in their own realms and only interacted with mortals when it struck their fancy, I figured it couldn’t hurt to talk to them.

Whether through divine intervention or an educated guess, I found a group of students gathered next to the same track where I took my entrance exam. As I approached, a girl with bright orange hair tied into a ponytail looked up and ran toward me.

“Hey, you’re a human, right? I heard a rumor there was a human first-year, but I didn’t believe it until now. There aren’t that many of us who can use magic. Thought I’d met ‘em all.”

“Seishin Yamaguchi.” I nodded my head at her. “I didn’t know I had mana until recently.”

“Very recently.” Yuumondou’s voice came from just behind my shoulder. “You’ve got guts showing up after this morning, Yamaguchi, I’ll give you that.”

My face must have betrayed the fear and shame I felt from Yuumondou’s words, because the girl took one look at me and then glared up at him. “You gonna chase him away too? We barely have enough members as it is. Besides, we humans should stick together.”

An uncomfortable silence passed, during which she didn’t take her eyes off him, before I heard a quiet, “Do what you want.”

“That’s more like it!” The girl pumped her fist in the air and then threw her arm around my shoulder. “Come on, I’ll introduce you. Hey everyone, this is my good buddy, Sei. He’s going to join the team.”

“Since when are we good buddies?” What was with the girls from this school deciding it was OK to call me Sei? First Robolina, and now this girl. “I don’t even know your name.”

With her free arm, she reached across her body to offer a handshake. “You can call me Blooming Flame Blossom.”

That explained it: Everyone at this school must be suffering from chuunibyou. I guess when you can use magic from an early age, it goes to your head. Maybe the government was right to try to ban it before high school.

“Thanks,” I said, shaking her hand, “for sticking up for me.”

The two of us walked to where the rest of the team was milling about. The oni coach smiled as we approached, revealing a mouth full of sharp teeth. “Yamaguchi, I heard what happened.” Hey, she remembered my name! “ Sorry I called you a wimp. Most people would have tucked tail, but you’re sticking to your guns.”

“You mean you’re not mad that I…”

“Can’t use magic? No, this is perfect.” She gestured in Yuumondou’s direction. “This lot lost our exhibition match because they spent too much time reading grimoires and not enough building stamina. Maybe getting lapped by a talentless guy like you will finally motivate them.”

Ouch. That stung, but she wasn’t wrong.

“In fact,” she said. “Everyone take a lap right now. Let’s see if any of you can keep up with Yamaguchi.”

A catgirl from the group raised her hand. “This is an informal meeting, Ms. Gouka. Practice doesn’t start until next week.”

“You can take ten laps for talking back,” the coach snapped, “and for not showing the proper respect. I told you not to call me by name.”

“Ten laps? You’re gonna kill me.”

“Now!” The coach’s face contorted with rage, and we all hurried onto the track. “As for the rest of you, you’re not taking this seriously enough. Practice may not start officially until next week, but we’ll be using these informal meetings as training sessions. I want you all dressed for practice tomorrow. Understand?”

“Yes, coach,” everyone shouted.

At a regular school, I may have been a mediocre athlete, but just like the coach predicted, I finished the lap minutes ahead of the others. By the time they finished, they were breathing heavily and glaring at me like they wanted to kill me.

Robolina hadn’t run with us. Suppose there was no point making a golem exercise.

“Form up,” the coach ordered. “It’s come to my attention that some of you don’t know how to handle slimes. And since she thinks she knows everything, Robolina’s going to demonstrate how to do it.”

Great, they were at each others’ throats again. Or at least, the coach was. Robolina seemed taken aback. “I don’t think–”

The coach paid her no mind and summoned a remote control to her hand. “Summon.” She pressed a button on the remote, and a purple slime appeared in the grass in front of them.

This slime made the other slimes I’d faced look like babies. It towered over us, taller than everyone except the coach. Bubbles popped across its surface, belching black smoke into the air. It let out a gurgly cry and then lunched. Except it didn’t target Robolina.

It went straight for me.