The Twilight Prayer

Vivid purple and red had replaced indigo, the sun sinking down steadily towards the Sumida river. Yuame took a deep breath, and stretched his arms above his head once more. When he took them back, his hazel eyes lingered on his right arm, slowly turning it in the air.

His sprain had healed after some weeks, and no mark was left from that day. But while Kaoru’s injuries from his brush with the tengu had healed almost overnight, Yuame’s healing had turned out to be much slower. Almost like a human.

Silently, Yuame studied his lower arm, slowly flexing his thin wrist and the delicate hand with long fingers attached to it. His skin felt soft to the touch but looked solid, smooth like porcelain. Unlike humans, who with a similar complexion would have veins showing up as blue lines under their skin.

I was a spirit. Now I have a body, but I am not human. Yet I’m also not a spirit anymore.

So, what am I, really?

He did not know how he came to be; he had no parents, nor any memory of before the house he had lived in. He wasn’t even sure if he had once been a child, or just smaller. He had been able to alter the dimensions of his lucid spirit-form, after all.

It was as if he had manifested there one day, much like the house itself when it had just been built. It was new, young, holding no memories yet. Over time, it gradually gained momentum, age, weight. As if it gained a soul.

Does this indeed mean that I was created by human imagination? Would I not have existed if it was not for them?

Yuame had spent many sleepless nights pondering over his existence like this. All he knew was that when he first appeared inside that guest room, it was as if the house had allowed him to merge with its foundation; he could switch between corporeal and lucid form as he wished, in harmony with the energy of the house itself. He had spent many years like that, one with its core, perfectly content at first.

But then the original family, the people whose children and then their children he had seen grow into adults, disappeared. Yet the house was not abandoned for long. He saw new people move in, new families - of many shapes and forms. He would observe them quietly at first, studying them, before giving subtle hints of his existence. Rushing of his silks against the floors. Small footprints in the dust. Only the children seemed to notice, but not all. Most never knew about him being there, deaf to his voice, blind to his form even when he revealed himself.

He pretended not to notice at first, but eventually he could no longer deny it; he was being forgotten. No longer needed. A discarded toy everyone had outgrown.

Gradually, he had started to detach himself from everything. Each day he felt himself moving further away, little by little. Like the scent of burned out incense fading from a room. That was when Kaoru had found him.

Called into existence, only to be forgotten by them in the end…

But he never did blame the humans. On the contrary, he had lived alongside them for so long, he found himself partial to them - even if there had been bad ones, the majority had been good. Just like there were good and bad tengu, he reasoned. One’s origin did not define a moral compass.

And children, children of any race or origin were innocent. He could never hate them. By far they had always been his preferred company.

Kaoru was not bad company either, despite his personality differing so much from Yuame’s. They were like the sun and the moon, night and day. And though Kaoru was a swindler by nature, so far he had never betrayed Yuame’s trust. Which was why he was not worried yet, even as night was falling and Kaoru had not yet returned like he said he would.

An owl hooted outside. Yuame finally did pick himself up from the mat, rubbed his eyes and combed his fingers through his long brown hair. He figured he had better get dressed.

As he wrapped himself in his indigo cotton kimono, he remembered what else Kaoru had said before leaving. Meet me at the large willow before the pleasure district. Narrowing his eyes, Yuame did vaguely remember such a tree. If Kaoru still didn’t return here soon, he would go out and wait there. That frugal owner certainly wouldn’t put him up for another night without upfront payment.

And what if Kaoru still doesn’t return…? He hadn’t thought that far ahead yet. Honestly, he would have no clue. He had no money, as Kaoru kept all of it, always paying for the both of them just like he had promised. And Edo did appear to be a place where everything had a cost.

Frowning, Yuame finished wrapping his obi around his slim waist, tying it off with a simple flat knot before sliding it to his back.

It wasn’t just money that Kaoru provided. Like their meeting with the tengu had proven, Yuame had no magic to defend himself. If it wasn’t for Kaoru, he might have met a terrible fate already.

I do depend on him for everything. And yet all he asks is my company…

Yuame found his thoughts turning darker once more, like soot settling and forming a black film on an oily surface. He looked around at the darkening attic, his eyes adjusted to the gloom. Why did this place fill him with such a dreadful feeling?

It was not the house itself. Something way darker, more terrible lingered at the edges of his perception. He knew it was there, but he could not name it. He was scared to try.

But there was one thing he could do, before he left.

Yuame kneeled on the straw mat, folding his hands in his lap solemnly. He faced North, as the feeling was heaviest in that direction, and closed his eyes.

He began to pray.

For this place, for the sadness steeped in the very ground, for the owner who had been infested by it too. But mostly, for the house itself.

I’m sorry about what I thought earlier. It’s not your fault.

Dust swirled around him before stilling in the air. It was as if the house held its breath.

It’s not your fault. I am sorry. You are a good house.

The wooden floor beneath him creaked as the house settled on its foundation, softening. As if it now let out the breath it had been holding for a long, long time.

Thank you.

Cracks in the walls and the roof grew smaller. The air inside felt lighter, the wood warmer. Yuame smiled gently, his chin lowering to his chest.

You are… good.

His hands balled into fists atop his thighs as his eyes burned.

Was it fair to leave broken things behind - especially if not by their own doing?

It’s not your fault.

Did they not at least deserve forgiveness?

I am sorry.

Gratitude?

Thank you.

Had his old home deserved this too?

… Had he?

A single tear slid down his cheek.

You… You tried.

Suddenly, running footsteps approached, shaking Yuame from his deep concentration. He quickly wiped his eyes, turning towards the sound.

Someone darted into the house. The ladder creaked. Yuame tensed, positioning himself nearer a corner out of instinct. But as soon as he saw the first strands of messy black and sunbleached brown hair, he relaxed. Kaoru’s face appeared over the side, his nose and mouth covered by his robe.

“Yuame!” Kaoru exclaimed upon seeing him, his voice filling the entire house. “Are you alright? Did you sleep well? Can you move?”

“Yes, fine and yes,” Yuame answered after a second, having needed some time to process Kaoru’s quick-fire questions.

“Great! I’ll lead with the good news this time.” Kaoru clumsily climbed over the edge, his eyes smiling above his mask. Yuame could imagine his stubby tail wagging. As Kaoru plopped down in front of him, Yuame noticed the smell of alcohol clinging to his companion.

Seeing how excited the tanuki was, he let it slide. “What is it?”

“I found an absolutely perfect place for us! And we can stay there as long as we like!”

Yuame raised his eyebrows and nodded slowly. “... And what is the bad news?”

Kaoru frowned. “... I should have phrased that differently,” he muttered, before smiling again. “There is no bad news!”

“Really?” Yuame smiled patiently, tilting his head. Now that I find hard to believe.

Kaoru scoffed at his tone, reaching out to grab Yuame’s sleeve. “Just - come on. I’ll explain on the way there.”

“Is it far? Is that the bad news?”

“Not as far as we walked yesterday! We’ll get there soon. Let’s just get out of here, quick.”

Yuame complied, feeling more at ease now after making peace with the house. Though his feet still ached, he bravely followed down the ladder after Kaoru. Before they stepped outside, the tanuki waited until Yuame had secured his veiled hood, which Kaoru insisted he should wear even though the sun was nearly set.

Yuame noticed that Kaoru did not have his own hood. He did recall him having it this morning. Just as he wanted to ask him about it, a drawly voice spoke from behind them.

“Leaving already, travelers? I’m sad to see you go…”

They looked up as the owner walked up to them with a wide grin. Kaoru immediately scowled, but Yuame sank into a deep bow.

“Thank you for your hospitality.”

The man blinked, before his lips cracked into a smile that was almost charming despite his terrible teeth.

“Not at all, not at all! You’re always welcome here…”

The owner gave a flourishing bow, keeping his beady eyes on the pair. Kaoru made a noise, but Yuame ignored him. He smiled hastily at the owner as Kaoru dragged him away, barely acknowledging the old man.

Twilight fell around them as they left the area behind. Yuame cast one look behind him at the other abandoned houses and the direction where the owner had come from. In the gloom he spotted a wooden bridge, flanked by two silent sentinels looking their way. He had barely taken notice of it the day before.

“Kaoru?” he began. “Do you know what’s over th-”

“Nothing.” Kaoru cut him off, his voice sounding strange. Perhaps his robe was too tight over his nose. “I mean, nothing we need to concern ourselves with.” Taking Yuame’s arm, he led him in the opposite direction, back the way they had come the day before.

Once they were halfway down the road towards Asakusa, Kaoru uncovered his face. He turned to Yuame with a lop-sided grin, his cheeks aflame with drink and the final rays of crimson sunlight. Behind him, red lanterns glowed in the distance.

“So… Remember what we also used to do when we ran out of coin? In exchange for a meal or a bed?” he said, his voice lowering schemingly.