【Such a disgusting trash】

Akira watched as Jitsuko’s mother set out the lunch while Jitsuko arranged the plates. Her father told her to sit down; she mildly protested, and he pinched her cheek with a laugh.

“Akira, come,” her father called, already seated. "Let's eat."

Akira approached the table. “This looks really good.”

Lunch passed easily, or maybe too calmly. Her parents spoke warmly, asked nothing personal, and didn't even treat him as a public figure. They simply made space for him, as if his presence was expected.

In Akira’s mind, they were ideal.

Jitsuko’s mother refilled his soup. “Go on, eat. You don’t have to be polite here.”

Akira nodded and lifted the spoon.

I wonder what Aunt Fuyuko is doing.

The thought slipped in uninvited. He swallowed a spoonful of soup.

That’s family to me.

After lunch, they played cards. Akira and Jitsuko teamed up, facing her parents across the table. They lost, then won, then stopped keeping track. The afternoon was filled with board games and quiet laughter.

It was a celebration—not loud, not festive. Just a shared time.

By the time evening settled in, her parents were prepared to leave. At the door, they smiled warmly and told Akira they hoped to see him again next year for Jitsuko’s birthday.

When the door closed behind them, the apartment felt colder.

Jitsuko moved to the kitchen to wash the dishes. Akira stayed on the couch, staring at the ceiling.

“Your family is… too perfect,” he spoke in a daze.

She paused and glanced back, plates still in her hands. “Are you okay?”

“I was just thinking how lucky you are.”

She set the plates down on the table and sat across from him. Akira shifted upright, then hesitated, and finally spoke out.

“I really love you.”

He wanted to change the topic.

She didn’t react immediately; she only watched him. “Are you feeling down?”

He looked away. “You wouldn’t get it.”

“Maybe I won’t,” she said quietly, “but you could try.”

He exhaled. “I’m envious of your happy family. I don’t know if it’s because I feel unimportant to you or because I—I... don’t have one.”

She remained silent, letting his words sink in.

After a moment, she said, “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

“I know,” he said quickly. 

They stayed quiet for some time. He glanced at her, and she met his gaze calmly. He knew she was not someone to light the way for others, not someone who would indulge more than needed. Even if she was kind. 

He sighed.  “You’re just… distant sometimes.”

She smiled faintly. “I’ve been told that many times. Also, that I am too serious or too plain.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” His skin burnt red as he tried to avoid her eyes. “I think you’re perfect.”

She laughed softly, more embarrassed than pleased. “Perfect is a bit much.”

She stood and picked up the plates again and went to the kitchen.

He leaned back against the couch and checked the time. The glow of his phone was suddenly intrusive. He had a stream scheduled, one of those private ones. Even if he left now, he wouldn’t make it in time to set up properly.

“Jitsuko,” he said, following her into the kitchen. “Can I use your streaming gear?”

She glanced at him. “Won’t your fans notice the different background?”

“I could make an excuse,” he said, then thought for some time. “Or should I cancel?”

She dried her hands. “That’s your decision.”

After a moment, he nodded. “Then… show me your setup.”

Her streaming room was simple, with clean walls, a few anime figures, and a decent PC. Nothing too showy except a little frame of Nyn_pi, the model, which she posted online once. As a virtual streamer, she didn't need a layout like his.

“Sorry,” she said. “It’s not as fancy as yours.”

Akira dropped into the chair and spun it slightly. “It’s fine.”

He logged into his own profile and entered the one-on-one stream chat. Moments later, the other user, or to be precise, his fan, joined the stream.

The same text for the following guidelines popped onto the screen, which was always ignored.

The fan was a young girl, maybe the same age as Jitsuko. She adjusted her braids and looked at him with a flustered look.

"Hi."

Akira smiled, waving at her. "Hey, Kyroxfun here. How are you?"

"I am good." She paused. "And you?"

 "I am great!" He chuckled. "So what can I do for a fine girl like you?" 

"I don't know." She blushed.

Akira burst into laughter. "Aww, quit being so flustered. It's only a stream."

"F-for you it might be another stream, another person." She lowered her hands on the table. "For me... for me it feels special."

He swallowed. "Haha, don't be like that."

"What can I do? I just want to be around you."

His breath hitched as he tried to control himself from being swayed by the parasocial sentiment. He smiled once more. "What you are feeling is nothing more than a liking for an online person."

"I don't think so." She stared into the camera. "I love you, and don't you always say you can do anything for the person who loves you?"

L-love me. He leaned in his chair, looking at the girl. This felt natural, a conditional love.

I can use her to feel completed.

His eyes widened, and a bitter taste of nausea filled his mouth.

"I—" He stood abruptly. "I need to get water."

His knee hit the keyboard stand. Stumbling, he smacked down the webcam. 

The camera rolled at his feet, and he stared at it in silence. Picking it up, he set it back.

The screen was dark.

She had ended the stream.

Deep down, he felt relieved. Today's stream ended without him having to give in to the validation. 

But for a moment, I was about to be even more disgusting.

Akira cancelled the other stream and walked out of the streaming room. Jitsuko was in the lounge, watching TV. She looked at him and muted it.

"How did it go?"

He sat down next to her. He kept his eyes on the screen, not wanting eye contact. "Great."

With his eyes fixed on the screen, he recalled the stream. The disgust continued welling in him; he craved a nice smoke. 

Am I not satisfied with how things are with her?